What is this about? Who read the book and wants to give me a quick synopsis? I’m asking y’all because I don’t want some dried-up boilerplate review I’ma get if I Google it. I want one of you snarky, shady heffas to give me an honest opinion.
All I know is…I have never in my life wanted to watch two average people have sex. I like porn because they’re fantasy people that you don’t run into on the street (well you do in SoCal and NYC, but you know what I mean.) But who are these two extra-basic mayonnaise people? I am so bored already! Are they just going to have average-person bondage-sex for two hours? What is this movie?
And Beyonce needs to apologize for this shit. She done messed up her ONLY ICONIC JAM for a few coins and I feel personally disrespected. That cover is rude as hell. I want my money back and I ain’t even bought anything yet.
And one more thing: If your boo takes you to see this on opening day — Valentine’s Day — y’all’s relationship ain’t shit. I wish somebody WOULD say “let’s go see Fifty Shades of Grey" to me on February 14th and I promise you they will be single on February 15th.
Matthew Lane Durham, a 19-year-old from Edmond, Oklahoma, has been to Kenya three times on missionary trips to Upendo Children’s Home outside of Nairobi. The Home’s founders, Eunice Menja and her husband, immigrated to Kenya from Oklahoma and started the orphanage as a way to give back. On previous trips, Mrs. Menja praised Durham’s eagerness and compassion, however this trip ended with accusations of rape and molestation of several orphans — some as young as 4-years-old — to which Durham confessed after Mrs. Menja subjected him to “some sort of pseudo-tribal psychological voodoo” according to his lawyer.
Durham’s lawyer also defended Timothy McVeigh in the Oklahoma City bombing, so if he wasn’t already morally bankrupt before, he certainly hasn’t a shred of conscience left now.
37% of Republicans support raising the minimum wage
80% of Democrats say they couldn’t live on the current minimum wage
74% of Democrats support raising the minimum wage
Not only are many Republican voters wholly ignorant about what it really means to live on minimum wage, but even those who admittedly could not live on those paychecks still wouldn’t vote to raise the wage floor. If that’s not the Republican Party spitting on poor people (AND THEMSELVES) I don’t know what is.
Aliens. Will go to Hell. That’s just rude really. It’s not their fault they haven’t had the good fortune to be colonized or proselytized to, but the poor aliens have to go to Hell anyway? Even though aliens would make the very idea of Hell null and void, Ken Ham — Bill Nye's sparring partner and Logical Thinking's arch-nemesis — says aliens will still go to Hell and I just….
What I really wanted was some chocolate-covered strawberries from Godiva, but I do not have Godiva-money with this vacation coming up. And they didn’t have any good looking fresh strawberries at the grocery store. So my afternoon office snack is fresh-cut pineapple with a Hershey’s bar because I have both ingenuity and ratchetness in equal parts. #LovingMyself #ImACatch
Update: This is one of the best ideas I ever had! Less than $3 for a party in my mouth. ::dancing to S Club 7::
Update 2: OMG MY TONGUE IS ITCHING! I’ve never been allergic to pineapple before? Am I allergic? I’ve heard of this but it can’t be happening TO ME!!