Let’s get your life in order real quick.
- February 2nd, American Idol: Preview for Madonna’s new video.
- February 3rd, 9AM: “Give Me All Your Luvin’” video released to Madonna’s Youtube channel.
- February 5th: Madonna’s halftime performance at Super Bowl XLVI
- February 7th: “Give Me All Your Luvin’” officially released to radio.
- March 26th: Madonna’s 12th album, MDNA, released.
- March 27th: Lady Gaga retires.
Note: I (half-heartedly) apologize to all of my Mormon friends for what I’m about to write. You can just breeze on past this.
Let’s talk about Mitt Romney’s deceased father-in-law Edward Davies.
…Edward Davies, Ann Romney’s Welsh father, was an engineer, inventor, and entrepreneur who worked on designs for the Gemini space program and helped outfit aircraft carriers. He eventually became the mayor of Bloomfield Hills, Michigan. He was also a resolute atheist who insisted that his family be raised without participating in an organized religion. “He would say: ‘I’m a scientist, show me the proof’,” a former co-worker told the Telegraph. Davies thought of religion as “drudgery and hogwash,” according to Boston Globe, and his son Roderick told the paper that Davies “considered people who were religious to be weak in the knees.”
The whole internet has already made enough peed-herself/period-blood/diarrhea jokes about that whole Etta James Funeral Situation.
But from the standpoint of a Colored Person who knows nothing about self-tanner (that’s what we’re going with right? bronzer or something?), how does that happen? I mean, I know about streaking. I’ve seen some zebra-print white girls in my day who didn’t apply evenly. But the tan is running away from her faster than good taste and modesty (please, cover thyself Christina, it’s a funeral, not a brothel). How does a tan run randomly down your legs? Did she just get it done in the limo? Is her vagina a renewable heat source melting the tan? Did her over-singing embarrass not only everyone in attendance but also her fake tanning spray and it too wanted to crawl in a hole and die?
I’m voting for number three.
Watch this mess…with your finger on the volume button because she alternately mumbles incoherently and screeches chalkboard-scratchingly.
Tonight’s number: 5. #iDidntKnowYouWasAHooker
Tell him I said he was a bitch nigga.
he actually is african american, and i don’t like to use that word.
See? It’s really not that hard.
More of this please, America.
Mines could refer to explosive devices, underground tunnels, or digging. Mine is a singular, 1st person, possessive. There is no plural. “This is mines” makes no sense. Stop saying that.
…let’s try to sue three of the biggest news sites on the Internet!
The mother of “Toddlers & Tiaras” star Isabella Barrett has filed a multimillion dollar lawsuit against three media outlets, claiming their reporting tried to sexualize the 5-year-old’s performance in a web video.
The $30 million libel suit, filed Tuesday in Manhattan Supreme Court against TMZ.com, The Huffington Post and London’s Daily Mail, stems from the kindergartner’s videotaped rendition of the LMFAO song “I’m Sexy and I Know It.”
Online articles published by the three outlets “brazenly attempt to sexualize” the girl by “claiming she was gyrating in a nightclub and singing about her sex appeal” the suit charges, when she was actually sitting down during the Jan. 9 taping at a Manhattan restaurant. (cont.)
First of all….you know what. Nevermind. Watch the video first. Then we can roast this bitch.