March 2012
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One of my exes turned out really hot.
Even hotter than I expected.
So I just keep reminding myself that he has no booty at all and his penis is the size of a pack of Life Savers.
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yourweaponisguilt replied to your post: Taylor Swift must have kryptonite in her coochie.
But don’t you remember she’s a PURE FAIRY PRINCESS WHO WOULD NEVER LET A PENIS DEFILE HER or whatever bullshit it is her fans spout.
I think her vagina is probably lined with kitten skin and DVDs of Dawson’s Creek and notes from cute guys who listen to Dave Matthews Band.
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Taylor Swift must have kryptonite in her coochie.
That’s my only explanation for why anybody would date Taylor Swift, let alone handsome, famous, rich, seemingly sane men.
She looks like a horse.
She’s annoying.
She’s built like a broomstick.
She will write a song about you after you break up.
But mostly. She’s built like a broomstick. She’s about as curvy as a stretch of Nebraska interstate. She’s...
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February 2012
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Tyrannosaurus rex was really scary.
(Pause: How do you plural that? Tyrannosaurus rexes? Tyrannosauruses rex? Tyrannosauri rex?)
Anyway…
Remember how we already knew T. rex had big teeth and strong jaws and would be totally scary walking down Madison Avenue? Well. In the words of the Internet, “shit just got real.”
…The new estimate of bite force is higher than past estimates that relied on indent...
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Today is the LAST DAY to change your Google...
Full disclosure: I really don’t know what Google’s new privacy policy means. I just don’t have time to know everything about everything. Jeez.
From a little cursory browsing on the subject, my understanding is that after their new policy, Google takes everything you’ve ever searched for and assigns it to your online identity represented by Google and Youtube. Could...
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Stupid people shouldn't vote.
Sorry to be blunt, but that’s how I feel. Stupid people don’t know enough to be able to say, “hey, that guy is making a lot of sense. That’s how I feel too. I want him to be my leader.” So you make a lot of sense to Joe Schmo from Nowhere, USA who doesn’t pay attention to politics, doesn’t read anything outside of Sports Illustrated, and only watches...
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Album Review: Howler - America Give Up
Howler won’t win any points for originality, but there’s something to be said for youthful exuberance.
America Give Up is what would happen if The Strokes and The Ramones recorded an album together, and a high school kid broke in, stole the masters, and re-recorded the tracks with his 4 friends. That might sound amazing, but it’s not exactly a glowing endorsement because we...
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I'ma just go ahead and call this new season of...
This is your final three:
Jaleel WhiteMaria MenounosWilliam Levy The show doesn’t start til late next month, but the full cast was released today and it is so obvious how they stacked the deck this time. Do I even want to watch it? Oh right, Derek Hough. Almost forgot.
Anyhow, this is the breakdown, in case you are also a 53 year old white woman from Nebraska, like myself, who actually...
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I don't understand people who don't go out in NYC.
You’re 20something. Gay. Attractive. But you don’t go out?
I was talking to this guy about booze and his drink of choice is vodka-cranberry (SURPRISE SURPRISE…you big ole Gay) so naturally I asked him where he likes to go. And he said he usually drinks at home or at friends’ houses.
????
Why? You live in NYC. It’s the biggest city in the country. Do you know...
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Somebody just said Michelle Williams from...
Let me just……….go and do something else for awhile.
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I just heard Rihanna was in talks to play Whitney...
This is a list of actresses far more suited to play Whitney than that no-talent, non-singin heffah.
Jennifer Hudson
Audra McDonald
Anika Noni Rose
Meryl Streep
A lamp with a wig on it
Elmo
President Barack Obama
A bag of polenta
20% off coupons from Bed Bath & Beyond
Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey’s dogs
George Takei
Bobby Brown in a Glen Close costume
the new Brown M&M
...
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Whitney Houston Duets!
Divas have a reputation of being a little snooty, not really wanting to share the spotlight or work with anyone else. When they do decide to record a duet, the result is usually pretty amazing, but they’re so few and far between. You could almost fit every duet recorded by Janet, Mariah, Beyonce, and Madonna onto one album.
Not Whitney. Before she was made it big, she seemingly spent all...
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“[The Grammys] seem much more forgiving than the Oscars, altogether. Seriously....”
– —Seth Rogen, while hosting the Independent Spirit Awards over the weekend.
I believe in being forgiven for your sins and all that. I just never saw Chris being all that sorry. Ever. His big public apology was so rehearsed and scripted, and he generally just acts like a bratty douchebag,...
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The only good thing about nobody teaching the kids...
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When a gay Republican says to me that the economy...
… I shut down.
Republicans stopped caring about those things when they realized it was easier to win by scaring “traditional voters” into believing Democrats want to kill babies, ban Christianity, give all their tax money to immigrants, and indoctrinate their children into gay sex. The core of the party is based on the motto “If it’s not WASP, it’s not...
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Kalenna “Matte Black Truck”
The...
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I was thinking about following this cute guy who...
So I went to his tumblr to investigate, and he had some shitty song on Autoplay. I mean….it’s your blog, do what you want. I probably secretly think you’re obnoxious, but I’m not gonna make a huge deal about it.
Oh but wait.
You’ve hidden any buttons allowing me to turn that shit off?? WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE DOES THAT?!
Are you fucking kidding me? GTFO.
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#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen the best thing about the...
You guys. Oprah is my new favorite person. I’ve never really felt strongly one way or another about Oprah. On one hand, I have so much respect for her and her life-story and her self-made empire. On the other hand, she is hella boring. But when I tell you Oprah had me in stitches on Jimmy Kimmel last night? It’s one of those things where, yea it was funny, but it was even...
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Madonna pretty much has the best demographic of...
Gay white men over 40? Yes please. They have time, money, energy, and glittery taste. Beyonce’s fans just wanna learn the dances and how to walk aggressively with attitude. Gaga’s fans all wanna be her best friend and hang out on some Little Monster planet.
Madonna’s fans are already pre-ordering 10 copies of her album. Yes, Madge, go ahead and rake in all those gay...
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Madonna “Girl Gone Wild”
Between...
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BHM Day Twenty-Seven: Viola Davis' Hair
(Previously in black history.)
I stopped blogging for a week because I was swamped with life, so I couldn’t follow through on my black history month posts. Hair is a topic I wanted to address at some point, and after reading negative reactions to Viola Davis’ hair at the Oscars, I figured this was appropriate.
A (white) friend of mine posted this on Facebook last night:
I...
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granary replied to your photo: Hi. A) Greenpoint has weird things. B) Sorry I’ve…
This picture fascinates me because there’s a photographer whose landscape work I follow, and he has a photograph of this same cog, but it gives zero indication of its scale. I thought it was much smaller. Or perhaps you are much smaller…? :D
It’s gigantic. My friend and I randomly stumbled across it...
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Someone get me a Savannah Cat.
The last time I was out somewhere and I mentioned a cat that’s the size of a small dog and is playful and junk like other dogs, people were like “ewww that’s creepy.” How is that creepy? That’s fucking awesome! Take all the good stuff about cats (independent, poops in a box, cleans itself, generally quiet), cancel all the bad stuff (shitty personality like...
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#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen someone follows you...and...
This frequently happens to me for one of 2 reasons:
Some homo reblogs a picture of a hot guy I posted and is like “oh look at all these semi-naked men.” Then he discovers how much I hate Lady Gaga.
Some colored person sees something reflective or otherwise interesting I wrote about race. Then s/he discovers I’m an atheist.
Or maybe they were expecting n00dz.
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::casually FB-stalking ex:: What the...who is...
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BHM Day Eighteen: Jennifer Jackson, the first...
(Previously in black history.)
In 1964, Jennifer Jackson, a college student and part-time model, was working as one of only two black Bunnies at the Playboy Club in Chicago. Photographer Pompeo Posar visited the club one day, spotted Jackson, and approached her about being a Playmate of the Month in the magazine. Initially, Jackson had reservations, but Posar had caught her in a weak moment:...
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John Stockton Shorts
I accidentally fell into a Wikipedia Hole last night when I realized Christian Laettner was the only dude on the original Dream Team not to be inducted into the Hall of Fame as an individual. Poor guy.
But more importantly, I discovered that John Stockton was the last guy in the NBA to rock the short shorts…all the way through his final season in 2003.
…Stockton is the...
