I threw a little party for myself last year.

I had had the worst couple of months and gained like 15 lbs of fat. My hair was not Bouncin & Behavin like it usually does. My skin was jacked. I had no job and I was just generally feeling like a failure.

But I turned it around. I started eating right and being active. I had a couple of job offers. My hair started obeying and my T-zone started playing nice with the rest of my face. In short, I was feeling real good about my life. So I threw a little party.

I called/text/Facebooked all my friends and I was like, “Look. You know I have been going through it. But now I am back to normal, so I would love for you to come over to this little shindig I’m throwin to celebrate my return to Successful Adult Life.” And do you know what happened?

Nobody showed up! I was mad and confused and hurt and sad all at the same time. I didn’t even bother to bust out my new outfit because nobody was around to see it. It was a really dark moment.

On the bright side though, none of the above actually happened and I’m just trying to relay to you what it was like for Terrell Owens when not a single NFL agent showed up to his well-publicized “workout” to announce his return to the game.

No teams attended Terrell Owens’ workout in Calabasas, Calif., on Tuesday, but the 37-year-old receiver said he was confident that he showed enough that teams will be interested.

The free-agent receiver is unsigned after tearing his anterior cruciate ligament and having surgery in early April. He participated in some drills and caught passes Tuesday in the workout that was televised on ESPN and the NFL Network. He did not run the 40-yard dash.

“I definitely feel there are some teams out there that are interested,” he told ESPN. (cont.)

Who are those teams, Terrell? Perhaps some 2nd rate Arena League Team, like the Chicago Rush, who are the only people to extend an offer to you thus far? Or perhaps you’re referring to the interest of Team Chickenhead, the clear demographic you’re aiming for with that terrible reality show on VH1? Looks like it’s time to press Go on that Backup Plan, bruh.

Also: LOL @ me actually reading ESPN.com. But really, I do browse around on there because college football is my religion and bowl season is about to be on and poppin.