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I live in a constant state of early 90s.
When college rock was good, and black people were still on TV.

The Conservative fight against gay marriage is about gay sex. | SLTA___
     The Conservative fight against gay marriage is about gay sex.

It has nothing to do with marriage or rights or family values.  It has everything to do with two men having sex.  Sorry lesbians, you don’t even matter in this equation.

Look at this flyer from Maine about, not gay marriage, but sodomy-based marriage.


I don’t understand why those people are so concerned with what I’m doing in my own bedroom with my own bootyhole.  NOT YOUR BUSINESS.  Go do something else like, I dunno, have sex with your wife instead of thinking about gay sex all the time.

Gay marriage opponents are really going the extra mile in Maine right now.  That pledge was being handed out on the University of Maine campus by conservative homophobes.  If you can’t read it all, this is what some of the bullet-points  say.

I pledge that I will:

  • Go to the polls and vote NO on Sodomy Based Marriage in November.
  • Use the term “Sodomy Based Marriage” and avoid the deceptive terms “same sex or gay marriage.”
  • Inform my friends and neighbors that the term “same sex marriage” contains two contradictory terms, and is therefore, illogical, false, and absurd.
  • Marriage is a Covenant that is entered into between two people and is based on a  difference in gender; and there can be no moral or legal right to a practice which defies logic, common sense, and the Natural Law itself.
  • Reaffirm the Christian Church’s teaching that a child must never be denied the right to have both a mother and a father.
  • Oppose the hellish doctrine that parents of the same sex make better parents than parents of the opposite sex, an evil doctrine which is now being advanced by the homosexual rights movement.
  • Pray that God will deliver our State and Country from this attack by demonic force, and that marriage between man and woman will be restored to its rightful place of honor, to the glory of Almighty God.

Sodomy sodomy sodomy.  Explain to me again how homophobes are secretly gay?  It’s just so TIRESOME at this point.  If I had gay sex for every time some Right Wing Nutcase made reference to it, I would’ve worn my dick down to a nub by now.  They’re so focused on men having sex with each other because we live in this oppressive society where men can’t even show affection for each other without being called gay.  How many times have you seen straight women walking arm in arm on the sidewalk?  Now how many times have you seen straight men do that?  You can think hard if you’d like.  I’ll wait.

We’ve somehow let closet cases and homophobes and latent homosexuals turn gay sex into the absolute worst thing you could ever do.  Guess what guys….it’s really not so bad!  Just ask all of the straight men I slept with in high school and college.  We get drilled into us that sexuality is static and concrete and there’s only one correct way to go about it and it’s turned us into stuffy prudes on some witch hunt to shove homosexuals under the rug and pretend they don’t exist.  That is silly.  

Ok Straight Man, look at it like this.  So what if I like ice cream and you like cake.  Does that mean I can’t have a slice if an especially good flavor presents itself?  Because I do like cake every once in awhile.  It’s a nice diversion when the ice cream is too cold and I want something different.  Same goes for you.   What’s better than cake AND ice cream dude?  Ice cream is hella good.  Try as many flavors as you want.  Nobody says you have to give up cake, but if the right bowl of ice cream comes along, stick your spoon in it!  It will probably be delicious!  See, women are allowed to sample as many times as they want, because guys like seeing two cakes on the same plate, icing all smushed together.  So relax, guys, and don’t be so uptight.  Do some sampling.

And while you’re eating your cake and ice cream, call your Conservative brethren and tell them to stop dwelling on gay sex.  They’ll end up with no dessert from either side if they don’t stop being so polarizing and rude all the time.

They’ll have to eat broccoli.  And nobody wants that.

7:13 pm  •  11 April 2012  •   Let's talk about what you think.

| gay marriage| republicans| politics| news| homophobia| maine|

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