These are the X-Factor judges.

This picture is saying EV-ER-Y-THING!

LA Reid: Who even is this heffah standing next to me?
Demi Lovato: This will mark the beginning of my ~~new~~ career, I just know it.
Simon Cowell: I wonder if anyone can tell which one I’m sleeping with…
Britney Spears: Wait…Cheetos?

Let’s Pro/Con this madness, starting with the fired ones.

Nicole Scherzinger
PRO:
- Talented (whether you *like* her music or not, homegirl actually has decent pipes and she can dance her butt off)
- Hot (always hot, always always always hot)

CON:
- She hasn’t done anything and nobody knows her. (Who can really name the members of the Pussycat Dolls? Excuse yourself from that question if you’re a homosexual.)
- Nobody likes her. (Because if they did, she would’ve had a hit by now.)
- Annoying. (And she made Rachel Crow cry.)

**********

Paula Abdul
PRO:
- She can perform and she can teach performers. (ie, Janet Jackson)
- America likes her. (And they like watching her and Simon.)
- She’s insane.

CON:
- She’s a singer who can’t sing.

**********

That’s about it. Firing Nicole is kind of “eh, whatever” but Paula has a proven track record with this kinda stuff. I get that Simon was scared that the ratings sucked, but the judges aren’t the problem—the market is just too saturated and nobody wants to watch your silly competition.

But now he’s hired Demi Lovato and BritBrit, basically the two worst choices he could’ve made.

**********

Demi Lovato
PRO:
- Who is this?

CON:
- No really, who is this person?

**********

Britney Spears
PRO:
- Everybody knows who she is. (And they’ll be curious to see what kind of backswamp Mississippi nonsense comes out of her mouth.)
- She is was a great entertainer.

CON:
- She’s a singer who can’t sing. (And now, she’s a dancer who can’t dance.)
- She’s a complete mess who can’t even control her own life let alone coach someone else to greatness.

**********

I actually do know who Demi Lovato is. She was a Disney something or another who went to rehab for something and made some kind of album after. Right? Did I get it?

The point is, I’m only vaguely knowledgeable about this trick and I actually pay attention to pop culture. Bob and Joann from Middle America—the people who actually vote on these things—probably have no idea who this is.

And Simon, what was this interview process like? Chaka Khan was begging you for this, but you chose Britney? Miley Cyrus was campaigning for this, and you chose Demi Lovato? How do you even have that conversation?

“No thanks, Ms. Khan. We’re hoping Demi Lovato accepts our offer.”
“Who? Baked potato? What?”

A baked potato would actually be more interesting to watch than Britney Spears though, bless her heart.