This is as close to a smile as you’re likely to get from Kristen Stewart.

God.

She is like…the poster child for White Girls Perpetually Sad About Nothing.

How famous is she? How rich is she? And she can’t crack a smile?

I wish I would be making millions of dollars, starring in movies and shit with damn Chris Hemsworth and Taylor Lautner, yet still walking around like my dog just got run over by the ice cream truck. Bitch, please. I would be dancing Always. I wouldn’t even be able to give a coherent interview because I’d be too busy climbing the walls and screaming about how great my life is.

And this trick is Sad.

But can we TALK ABOUT that Snow White movie real fast because I am just LOL all over myself whenever I see a poster for that thing. Clearly whoever made this movie realized that nobody gives a shit about Kristen Stewart so she doesn’t even get to make it onto the poster. She is the title character, but she is nowhere to be found in the promotional material. And the trailer I saw? Bitch didn’t even have a line. Because nobody likes you.

But if they were smart enough to realize that, why were they stupid enough to put her in the movie in the first place? I’m almost tempted to see it because Charlize is giving Grand Dame Drag Diva Evil Villain Realness all up and through the trailer, but I just cannot sit through two hours of anything involved with Kristen Stewart. And I know I’m not the only one. There were hundreds of other non-talented girls who could’ve played that role just as well, but without all that Sad & Disgruntled Actress backstory. Where was Emma Roberts? Was Hayden Pantyhoses busy? Did all of the stick figures on 90210 have some other pressing engagement to get to? Anybody but Kristen Stewart.

Hell, I’d rather see Justin Bieber as Snow White than Kristen Stewart. At least he makes a more believable princess.