China can’t tell the difference between a mushroom and a sex toy.

I wish I was making this up.

This is the same country that’s trying to build the world’s tallest building in under three months. But y’all can’t tell fungus and pocket pussies apart? No ma’am, Pam.

Sex Toy Fools Entire Chinese Village
by Audrey Wozniak
Jun 19, 2012 10:28am

The discovery of a double-headed sex toy mistaken for a mystical rare fungus brought national notoriety to a Chinese village and TV program this week.

Villagers from Liucunbu, a rural community outside western Chinese city of Xi’an, encountered the sex toy while drilling a new well shaft. Hard-pressed to identify the flexible, fungi-like object, perplexed residents alerted the local news station, which immediately sent reporter Yunfeng Ye to the scene.

In her coverage of the finding, broadcast last Sunday on the station’s investigative journalism program Xi’an Up Close, Ye thoroughly probed different aspects of the discovery, interviewing locals and inserting her own research on the alleged mushroom. Despite Ye’s earnest reporting, her and the villagers’ obliviousness of the object’s real identity has now lent itself to national amusement.

The report opens with Ye proclaiming the discovery of the mysterious object, the likes of which “not even an 80-year-old local man has seen.” Villagers crouch around the object, floating innocently in a water-filled bucket. “It has an eye and a nose, but we don’t know what it is,” says a man who was among the drillers who discovered the sex toy.

Describing the object’s qualities in explicit detail, Ye and the villager determine that it is a type of lingzhi, a shelf fungus of the Ganoderma lucidum species, which according to legend has the ability to give immortality. Asserting that the mushroom is rarely seen because it grows underground, she says, “When the Emperor Qin Shi Huang [the First emperor of China] was on the hunt for the secret to longevity, it is said he discovered this lingzhi was the answer.”

After the program aired, many viewers immediately recognized the object as a sex toy modeled after female genitalia, and online video of the report gained millions of views overnight. While the video received many comments lauding the station’s and villagers’ “purity,” the day after the program aired the Xi’an news station posted an apology on Sina Weibo, a Chinese blogging website.

“Our program last night made everyone laugh,” the apology said, expressing regret for an “uncomfortable and misleading” report. “Our reporter is very young and sheltered.”

(source)

The actual news report is in Chinese, but it’s still kind of LOL-y.

See, this is what happens when all the porn in your country blurs out the naughty bits. Y’all don’t know what a coochie looks like! Or is that Japan… Do they even have porn in China? Do they still have that whole “oppressive regime” thing going on over there? I don’t really know. I just know a whole village of Chinese folks said this pocket pussy had an eye and a nose. Apparently Chinese vaginas look like faces.

Where is Dr. Ruth? Is she still alive? Somebody needs to go over there and conduct some workshops with those women who didn’t recognize plastic replicas of their own anatomy. Set up some classes like “Getting to know your vagina” and “Owning your clitoris” because there are some confused people wandering around in China.

Mommy, where do babies come from?
They come from mommy’s crotch face, honey.