Black people don’t tip.

What is that? How did that start and why are we still not tipping? I literally CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH YOU if you don’t tip. You can call me every kind of Classist and Bougie you want to—I do not care.

I feel like that says so much more about you than just not wanting to leave a tip.

I feel like we come from two totally different worlds that will never meet in the middle.

I feel like you were brought up in a way that I can’t relate to because you don’t believe in tipping.

I feel like, basically, you are fucking ghetto as hell and I can’t deal with that. And I don’t mean ghetto in that whole fashionably cool, inner-city way. I mean ghetto in a no-class-having, small-minded, don’t know how the world works way.

You not tipping means *I* get shitty service everywhere I go because I’m a young black male. If I want to go somewhere and expect good service, I have to look like I’m made of money. If I just roll up to the neighborhood Italian restaurant in a t-shirt and jeans, I’m invisible. That’s one of those things white people don’t have to think about, but I have to say “Hmm…let me put on a blazer or something so I can get my water glass refilled.”

Years before I moved to NYC, I visited with a couple of my friends (one Asian, one Black) and we went to Junior’s. Our server was pretty on top of things…until a table of old white ladies got seated next to us. We never saw him again after that.

One night last week, I went to Brasserie Maison by myself because their mussels are great and I just wanted to chillax and read a book. I was seated immediately…and not spoken to again for 17 minutes. The owner finally noticed the menus still sitting on my table, meaning no one had taken my order, and sent over a waitress who looked like she would rather die than serve me.

Those are just two examples of shitty service I’ve experienced because your ghetto ass doesn’t believe in tipping. I can’t enjoy myself in a nice French restaurant because you can’t be bothered to leave three dollars at fucking Applebee’s.

I wish I were exaggerating, but time after time I run into black—and brown too, can’t leave out the Latinos—folks who don’t tip. At my first retail job in the city, one of the cashiers ordered food. It was like $7 or something. After she hung up the phone, she asked me if I had 50 cents because she forgot about the tax.

“Rafi, gimme fifty cents. I have seven dollars but I forgot about the tax.”

“If you have seven bucks, why would you order something that cost seven bucks? What about the tip?”

She looked at me like I was insane. ”For what?”

“Uh, for being the delivery guy? For bringing your food? Plus, it’s pouring outside. You could at least give the guy a couple of dollars.”

“That’s his job. I ain’t tippin him. I ain’t givin somebody extra money just for doing what they was supposed to do in the first place.”

Y’all, it was basically Hurricane Andrew outside. NYC is a horrible place when it pours. The streets turn into mini-rivers, and she didn’t think the delivery guy deserved a couple of bucks for bringing her chicken wings and shrimp fried rice in the monsoon?

But that’s delivery. I can forgive not tipping for a delivery. It’s annoying, but I can suck it up and move on.

But not in a restaurant.

I went out with this dude over the weekend for drinks and then we went to a diner afterward. His part of the bill was $17 and I was paying with my card so he handed me a $20 and said, “All I have is this twenty.”

“That’s close enough. I’ll just write in the tip anyway.”

“Tip? I don’t tip.”

“What?”

“I don’t tip. Plus, this is all the money I have until payday.”

No.

No for so many reasons.

First of all, maybe I really am bougie, because I can’t believe somebody would say “this is all the money I have until payday” while they’re on a first date. I’m lookin like you only have three dollars to your name? Are you forreal? You’re a grown-ass man. You just bought drinks all night and went out to eat and you knew you ain’t have no money?

Secondly, the tip is part of the cost of eating out! Why don’t people think of this before they order? If you only had $20, maybe you should’ve ordered a ten-dollar entree instead of a fifteen-dollar entree.

Servers don’t make any money. We *all* know this. This is common knowledge. Our tips make up their living wages. And stop telling me “Well, maybe they should get a real job” because who would bring you your food then? You gonna get it from the kitchen and bring it to the table, cafeteria style? Somebody’s gotta get the food and we tip them for bringing it to the table.

We also tip them because you needed a new glass of water since yours had a little chip in it.

And because you wanted a new knife because yours had water spots.

And because you needed a new ketchup bottle because the one on the table was sticky.

And because you wanted the cook to redo your steak because it was too red.

That’s why we tip them. Because you’re a difficult hoodrat who doesn’t know how to act in public and they shouldn’t have to deal with your crap.

I don’t even go out to eat in groups of black people I don’t know. If I know you, but I don’t know your friends, and you invite me out? I’m not going. Because the last time I did, none of them heffahs tipped and I felt obligated to leave the whole twenty dollar tip so as not to keep proving our stereotype right.

Just. Please. Black people. Just start tipping. Before you order, think “do I have enough to tip with this entree?” If the answer is no, then get something else.

Or stay your broke ass at home.