Lt. Gov. Jennifer Carroll would like you to know that she is too pretty to be a black lesbian.

Or her hair is too straight. Or she is too lite-skinted. Or she looks too bougie.

::shrug:: I don’t really know what this heffah is talkin about either. All I know is, her former assistant says she walked in on Ms. Carroll having lesbian sex in the office and Ms. Carroll says that can’t possibly be true because she doesn’t *look* like a black lesbian.

From WTSP (via Towleroad):

For the first time, Florida’s Lt. Governor Jennifer Carroll is defending herself publicly about being accused of being involved in a sex scandal.

Lt. Governor Carroll made the comments Saturday in Orange Park, at the opening of a campaign office for Mitt Romney.

Carletha Cole claims she walked in on a sexual encounter between Carroll and Carroll’s travel aide, Beatriz Ramos. Cole worked as an administrative assistant to Carroll. Cole is a grandmother and a minister.

I’m not saying grandmothers and ministers don’t lie, because that would be crazy. Still. I don’t know any old black women from the south who just make-up lesbian sex stories out of the blue.

Whether it’s true or not (and for the record, the accuser passed a polygraph), Ms. Carroll needs to come up with some defense other than “I don’t look like one.”

Let’s look at some black lesbians.

Ok.

Here’s a bougie black lesbian:

I like Wanda Sykes and her bougie wife and their bougie babies. But they still bougie. So, I guess Ms. Carroll doesn’t look too bougie to be a black lesbian.

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Here’s a black lesbian with straight hair:

King Latifah is a big girl, but her hair is always laid. I guess Ms. Carroll thinks black lesbians can only wear cornrows, but Dana Owens only wore them for Set It Off. So, I guess Ms. Carroll’s hair isn’t too straight to be a black lesbian.

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Here’s a really pretty black lesbian:

Jeanette Jenkins is adorable. I totally approved when I heard she and Queen Latifah were together because she’s cute as a button and I love when she randomly shows up on reality TV shows like Tia & Tamera. So, I guess Ms. Carroll isn’t too pretty to be a black lesbian.

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Here’s a really lite-skinted black lesbian:

Nik Pace wasn’t out on Top Model, but not because she was in the closet—the producers just didn’t show that side of her. Clearly she is really lite-skinted though. So, I guess Ms. Carroll isn’t too lite-skinted to be a black lesbian.

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So.

I don’t really know what she means by “black women who look like her.”

She must mean black women who look like assholes.