According to him anyway. Him and 14 year old girls. Him and 14 year old girls and creepy, grown-ass women.
All I see is a baby Denise Richards with an Ellen haircut.
Bieber is only 18, but he says he feels like he’s become significantly more mature over the last couple of years. “I feel like I carry myself in a more manly way,” he says. “I don’t carry myself as a boy.”
Some highlights from the story:
• Midway through a golf game at a private country club, Bieber and his entourage are confronted by paparazzi. Bieber responds by taking out his nine-iron and hitting a golf ball at them. He later tells an employee at the club that “we’ll probably never play here again.”
First of all: HEARTY GUFFAW!
Secondly: I guess carrying yourself in a manly way means acting like an asshole. I’m glad you’re so proud of hitting a golf ball in the direction of some fat guy with a camera. Ooo, everybody is so scared, you little badass. I bet you rip the tags off your mattress too.
Until you grow ball hair and stop looking like the worlds prettiest butch lesbian—because…LESBIHONEST here, The Biebs really is kind of gorgeous as a woman—you cannot claim to be manly.
And if you do wanna claim to be manly, you should probably stop perfecting your Smize Pout. Tyra would give this three-snaps-and-around-the-world.
Look at his little Quiver Face!
I cannot take it. He looks like someone just stole his animal crackers and drank all the apple juice. I am distraught looking at his pouty-face. I want to donate All The Money to the first person who sets up a charitable foundation for Sad Baby-Faced White Boys in Jodeci Wife Beaters. I want Sarah MacLachlan to do a PSA for barely legal rich children doing half-duck-face. I’m going to send the collection plate around at every baptist church to get this little boy some 25 lb weights, because those 15 lb dumbells he borrowed from the ladies’ aerobic section at Bally’s Total Fitness are not doing the business, despite his attempts at pumping up right before this shoot, with his little bicep vein trynna make its presence known like “oh hey, I do have testosterone.”
Boy, bye. Put some clothes on and go play pattycake with Selena Gomez.