Our rights come from nature and God, not from government.

That’s what Paul Ryan said in his VP speech. I’m tired of this shit. Get your God out of my government! And stop falsely attributing things to people who can’t defend their words because they’ve been dead for 200 years! ALL of our founding fathers would be looking at you like Boo Boo the Fool if they were alive right now because NONE of them wanted this much Jesus in the White House.

I so don’t want a Catholic and a Mormon telling me what to do. Are you serious? One of you practices faux cannibalism every Sunday and the other believes in gold tablets from god and funny underpants.

WHAT.IS.GOING.ON.

Actually, I take that back. I really don’t care if a Mormon and a Catholic want to run the country. That’s fine. I care that you can’t keep your weird belief system out of my laws.

Has anyone noticed that “godless” countries are a lot happier than the rest of us? The angriest places on the earth are all fervently devoted to some invisible person, but all of the places with relaxed, happy people don’t have churches on every corner.

Scandinavia is happy as hell. All of those countries are always at the top of the list of happiest countries on the planet. You know how many people go to church in Sweden regularly? 2 percent. You know how many people actually hold religion as important in their lives? 17 percent. And they are some happy, healthy, tall-ass heathens. And they’re so tall because they have a good healthcare system with strong bones and shit.

The United States is the only developed nation on the planet where a majority of the people say religion is an important part of the lives. The only one. THE ONLY ONE. And it’s not like it’s doing us any good. We’re all fat, broke, angry, and unhappy. Really, how good has god been to you when you can’t pay the light bill and you live on cheese puffs and Dr. Pepper?

Get it together, America. Paul Ryan & Mitt Romney? You gotta be fucking kidding me.

I’m waiting for Dick Cheney to crawl out from under a bush and yell “PUNK’D” because this cannot be real life.