Why shouldn’t the South be allowed to secede?

From Better Off Without Em by Chuck Thompson (via JMG):

“What really led to this call for secession was understanding that a lot of people from the South are just as sick and tired of people like Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid having an impact on their country as I am sick of people like Newt Gingrich and Jeff Sessions, Eric Cantor, and Haley Barbour having an impact on my country. So why shouldn’t each of these societies that are really very different from each other in the way they approach the fundamental building blocks of society – education, religion, commerce, politics … both sides of the country really approach their problems in the way they want to put their societies together in very diametrically opposed ways. Why shouldn’t people be allowed to live in a pseudo-theocracy if they want to? If the majority of the people in a very large part of the country wants to have the Ten Commandments emblazoned in front of their legislative houses, why shouldn’t they be allowed to do so?”

I know everybody in the South doesn’t feel the same way (hi, Asheville) and I know everybody up here isn’t on the same page either (what’s up, rural New Hampshire), but on the whole, if they wanna go, let em go. And they can take the rest of the red states with em. And I have five lists to show you why.

For the purposes of these lists, a red state is any state that has gone Republican in at least 3 of the last 4 presidential elections. A star next to a state means that state has split 2 and 2 for the last 4 elections, and two stars mean that state is blue (3 of the last 4 elections went to a Democrat).

Here are the 10 most depressing states, in terms of mental illness, depression, and general unhappiness of residents:

West Virginia
Tennessee
Oklahoma
Nevada
Missouri
Mississippi
Michigan **
Kentucky
Indiana
Arkansas

All of the sad states, except one, are red. Let them go be sad under their own government.

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Here are the 10 most overweight states, in terms of percentage of residents who are obese:

Oklahoma
South Carolina
Ohio *
Indiana
Kentucky
Arkansas
Louisiana
Mississippi
Delaware **
West Virginia

All of the overweight states, except two, are red. Let them go deal with their own healthcare costs of diabetes, heart disease, and stroke.

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Here are the 10 poorest states as determined by median income and percentage of residents below the poverty line:

Mississippi
Arkansas
Tennessee
West Virginia
Louisiana
Montana
South Carolina
Kentucky
Alabama
North Carolina

All of the poorest states are red. Let them find a way to fund their own schools and roads and hospitals without the taxes of wealthier states.

Fun Fact! Of the top 25 wealthiest states, only 5 are red, with 3 mixed. Seventeen of them are blue.

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Here are the 10 least educated states measured by percentage of residents with a bachelor’s degree or higher:

West Virginia
Arkansas
Louisiana
Kentucky
Mississippi
Nevada *
Oklahoma
Tennessee
Alabama
Texas

All of the least educated states, except one, are red. And most of them are poor too, so they don’t need our tax money for schools that they aren’t even using.

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And, just for fun, here are the 10 most religious states measured by percentage of people who say religion is an important part of their lives.

Mississippi
Utah
Alabama
Louisiana
Arkansas
South Carolina
Tennessee
North Carolina
Georgia
Oklahoma

All of the religious states are red. Let them form their own little theocracy if that’s what they want to do.

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I’m not saying I necessarily want the South to break away, but the Southernization of American Politics is one of the worst things to ever happen to this country. Politicians are catering to that demographic, preying on the fears of dumb, poor, unhappy Christians who vote, not on issues, but on soundbytes and gut reactions. Clearly, their choices aren’t working for them or they wouldn’t show up at the top of every undesirable list, yet they are increasingly influential in elections.

So, the next time somebody tells me they want the South to secede if Obama wins, I’ma be like…….OK, bye. If enough people feel that way, just go ahead and peace out. If it can be done with no guns and no war, just sitting with lawyers and some paperwork like a divorce, let’s go ahead and file for irreconcilable differences because I don’t see us seeing eye to eye anytime soon.