According to Jon Hubbard (R-AR), slavery was a blessing in disguise for black folks.

“I never understood why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I’d run around naked.” —Sophia Petrillo

That’s a really amazing disguise slavery was wearing. I’m glad this Arkansas representative has let me know it really was a disguise though. From where I’m sitting, it looked a lot like racism, rape, oppression, murder, and inhumanity, but thank goodness this white man has guided me toward the path of enlightenment, to the reality of the situation. Oh white man, bless you. Oh where would I be without you?

Probably back in my homeland, not fighting wars I don’t even understand against people I should be cooperating with because you and your guns divided my continent into colonial money machines, pitting my people against each other for the next three centuries.

Gawker has brought the Internet’s attention to Arkansas representative Jon Hubbard and his book Confessions of a Frustrated Conservative. He has a few choice passages highlighted by the Arkansas Times, so let’s look at them, shall we?

Slavery was good for black people.

“… the institution of slavery that the black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise. The blacks who could endure those conditions and circumstances would someday be rewarded with citizenship in the greatest nation ever established upon the face of the Earth.”

Does he think slavery was just a few years? Very few slaves lived to see the day they would receive full citizenship in this “great nation.” Or is he referring to today’s descendants of slaves? I don’t really think having the freedom to be gay and vote is a fair trade for the brutality my forefathers had to face.

If you think slavery was bad, you should have seen Africa.

African Americans must “understand that even while in the throes of slavery, their lives as Americans are likely much better than they ever would have enjoyed living in sub-Saharan Africa.”

“Knowing what we know today about life on the African continent, would an existence spent in slavery have been any crueler than a life spent in sub-Saharan Africa?”

Being ripped from your homeland and forced to pour your blood, sweat, and tears into a system built to take everything from you while your owners get rich from your efforts is better than subsistence farming, hunting & gathering, or living from the fruits of your own labor. Thanks for letting me know. I totally had that backwards in my head. Silly negro brain.

Black people are ignorant.

“Wouldn’t life for blacks in America today be more enjoyable and successful if they would only learn to appreciate the value of a good education?”

This has nothing to do with slavery. This has to do with generalizing an entire demographic of people and ignoring how many Americans—of all colors—go through school without learning anything. He is clearly one of those Americans.

Integration was bad for white people.

“… one of the stated purposes of school integration was to bring black students up to a level close to that of white students. But, to the great disappointment of everyone, the results of this theory worked exactly in reverse of its intended purpose, and instead of black students rising to the educational levels previously attained by white students, the white students dropped to the level of black students. To make matters worse the lack of discipline and ambition of black students soon became shared by their white classmates, and our educational system has been in a steady decline ever since.”

Correlation does not imply causation. Many varying factors have contributed to the steady decline in our scholastic performance, none of which can be linked to sitting next to colored people in class.

It’s basically hopeless.

“… will it ever become possible for black people in the United States of America to firmly establish themselves as inclusive and contributing members of society within this country?”

Not while people like you exist. Because you don’t really want that to happen. And that’s real talk.

Oh America. You cease to even amaze me anymore. I should be outraged, but my primary reaction is Another day…another bigoted American showing his whole ass on the Internet.