Let me just gather all of my strength and summon every fiber of gay blackness I can muster real quick:
Somewhere, Madonna is in a hotel room, still pretending to be 25, trying to stay trim drinking a smoothie made of dust, pure oxygen, the stolen youthful life forces of the boys in her sex dungeon, and the condensation of three grapes, looking at her computer like…….”This. Bitch.”
NEW YORK (AP) — All the single ladies will be watching the upcoming Super Bowl along with football lovers — that’s because Beyonce is the halftime show performer.
NFL confirmed the news Tuesday afternoon after Beyonce posted a photo of herself sporting eye black, where “Feb. 3” is written on one and “2013” on the other, on her Tumblr page. The Super Bowl is set for Feb. 3, 2013 at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome in New Orleans.
Anybody who knows me knows that I am not Beyonce’s number one fan, but let it never be said that I deny that woman’s ability to put on a show. I hotly anticipate every Beyonce video/project/performance because it will be amazing. Every time. Even when it’s whack, it’s still amazing, because she has such presence.
And you know everybody is coming. Jay-Z will be there. Destiny’s Child will reunite. Hell, Solange will probably show up. Shakira will be there, 9 months pregnant and trying to bellydance. Lady Gaga is coming via telephone and Tina Turner will roll on the river. Jennifer Hudson and Anika Noni Rose will be in Dreamgirls attire, and Luther Vandross will come back from the dead to perform a moving tribute to Matthew Knowles….who will remain in the audience, obviously.
No but really. This is going to be amazing. Remember when Destiny’s Child did this at the Thanksgiving game when they got back together for the last time?
So basically picture that times 20,000 because Bey is about to go hard. Ideal setlist:
1) Single Ladies
3) Run the World
4) Get Me Bodied with DC
5) Lose My Breath with DC
6) New Single…because you know Bey will be putting out an album around then.
7) Crazy in Love feat. Jay-Z
Now, excuse me while I poll my friends to find out who has the biggest TV, because Beyonce and her outfits, which will be some version of her tried and true high-cut black panties situation, should be best enjoyed in HD.