So I heard they were getting married and I didn’t say anything. Then I heard they got married and I didn’t say anything. And now the details are coming out and I might as well say something. This will be irrational and not make sense and be full of haterade and race bating-ness, but he is so annoying and I don’t even like him so I can say what I want.
So you wanna get married? That’s awesome. Do that. But SIX MILLION DOLLARS WORTH OF WEDDING?! What even goes on there?
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are married now and it was no cheap affair, in fact, RadarOnline.com has learned the nuptials were one of the most expensive in celebrity wedding history.
The average American wedding currently costs about $27,021 but Justin and Jessica’s wedding is estimated to cost $6.5 million, only being beat out by the Royal wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William, estimated at a staggering $34 million.
Six whole million dollars just to say “I do,” and it really wasn’t even for that because they had the actual marrying part done like a week before. So they threw a $6 million party because Justin’s MOM wanted him to have a big fancy wedding and J Biel was like “ugh, this bitch and her fucking momma’s boy, let me just go on ahead with it.”
I give this whole situation a year tops. Didn’t they break up like 5 times anyway because he was putting his penis in other people? Yeah. A year and it’s done.
And can we RE-VISIT the fact that Jessica Biel is the whitest white child? Far be it from me to say white people can’t marry white people. Please do. I just feel some type of way about some country ass white dude from nowhere Tennessee, made famous by Disney and pop music, entering into the second half of his career, making money hand over fist using All Things Black, and not even pretending to be interested in black women.
You wanna be Usher, Timbaland, and Marvin Gaye. You wanna go on 106 & Park and beatbox like you’re on 125th and Lennox. You wanna fill your videos with black chicks and pull Janet’s tiddy out at a football game, but you ain’t even held hands with a black woman in public? Sniffing around at Ms. Jackson’s panties backstage and canoodling in hotel rooms on the sneak does not count. Where were you when she was giving Interviews of Contrition to all the morning shows? Can I get some solidarity or something? Britney Spears…Jessica Biel….Cameron Diaz….I mean, damn. Whole milk has more color.
Cannot stand him or his smug face or his shitty tattoos or his weak-ass falsetto. Give me Robin Thicke any day. Paula Patton might be light-bright, almost-white, but I bet she has to wrap her hair at night and I bet Robin knows not to touch it.
(I told you this was gonna be irrational, but you read it anyway.)