Obama to Donald Trumps “Big Announcement”:

Donald is such an irrelevant ho. What’s more important, the President releasing his passport records from decades ago or his opponent releasing his tax returns from 3 years ago? Donald needs to go sit down somewhere, preferably under a hair dryer after a serious deep conditioning treatment.

Donald, if you really wanna write a check to a charity, then just WRITE A CHECK TO A CHARITY! But no, that’s not what this is. You are A) Trying your best to stay relevant and B) Trying your best to get the President to react to you. Thankfully, Obama is too busy running for reelection to give you the time of day and too smart to think anything he could do would be to your satisfaction. He released his birth certificate. So now you want college records and passport info. So if he releases those, what then? A blood sample? A super 8 reel of his childhood birthday parties? A portion of the placenta he was born with containing a date and location timestamp? GTFO.