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I live in a constant state of early 90s.
When college rock was good, and black people were still on TV.

Crystal McVea died, went to heaven, and smelled God. | SLTA___
     Crystal McVea died, went to heaven, and smelled God.

And she doesn’t even tell us what God smells like.

Crystal…you are completely worthless to me.  You had ONE JOB, Crystal, and you couldn’t even write it on a sticky tab so you could remember what God smells like.

Also:  She’s a complete fraud.

Even if you believe in Heaven, Crystal McVea is a fraud.

Gretchen wants her to describe God and her experience, but she says there are no human words for it.  Alright, well…….you found enough words to fill an entire book that you now want us to buy.  I’m sure you could throw out a few adjectives  if you really wanted to.

Her book is probably one of those self-help, redemption, change-your-life books meant to make you feel good all over and pay a few extra tithing percentages in church on Sunday.  The problem is, from all evidence given by the Bible, she should have been in Hell, not in Heaven.

She says she’s broken all of the Commandments at some point.  That’s OK.  We all have.  But that’s why Jesus died on the cross, to save us all and cleanse us of our sins so we can go to Heaven and have unlimited access to premium cable channels for all eternity.  All we have to do is believe in Jesus with all of our being and accept him into our hearts as the one true lord and savior.  That’s all.  ONE JOB Crystal.  

And she didn’t do that.  She had doubts all her life.  She was just going through the motions, attending church but not really believing.  Crystal did not do her one job!  She didn’t believe!  Therefore, she goes to hell.  That is the basis of (modern) Christianity.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a good person or not — all you have to do is repent and believe and you get to go to Heaven.

This isn’t a few hundred years ago when you could do good works to ensure your spot in Heaven.  And this isn’t a few hundred years before that when you could buy your way into Heaven.  TODAY’S version of Christianity says you have to believe.  But she didn’t.  So there’s no way God would be waiting for her.

She should’ve died and gone to a hell filled with fire and brimstone and tacky polyester pantsuits and Struggle Plate mac and cheese made with slices of Kraft American Singles.

So no, Crystal, you did not die and God did not send you down here to spend your days motivationally speaking (and making tons of money) to crowds of sinners telling them that God loves them too.  By your own story, we don’t even need to listen to you anyway because we can sin all we want and god will still be there with a Welcome to the Neighborhood jello mold.

And that works fine by me because summer is coming (eventually) and I have a lot of sinning to get done once the gays start losing all their clothes in this NYC heat.

4:38 pm  •  4 April 2013  •   Let's talk about what you think.

| religion| christianity| christians| atheists| atheism| crystal mcvea|

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