Bristol Palin is running around spreading the clap.

Ok, not really. But I couldn’t have planned this fancy coincidence any better if I’d tried. The Internet goes abuzz with Bristol’s new Ho-Face…and then a brand new report showing Alaska is just chock FULL of chlamydia and gonnorhea.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (Reuters) – Alaska has the nation’s highest rate of Chlamydia and second-highest rate of gonorrhea as the sexually transmitted diseases spread in rural areas, according to the Alaska Division of Public Health.

A total 6,026 cases of the bacterial disease Chlamydia were reported in Alaska in 2010, a 13 percent rise over the previous year. The Alaska case rate of 849 per 100,000 people is more than twice the national rate of 417, the department said.

Reported cases of gonorrhea totaled 1,273 in 2010, a 23 percent increase and counter to a national trend of reduced gonorrheal infections, the state said. Alaska’s rate was 179 per 100,000 people, compared to a national rate of 99. (cont.)

So OBVIOUSLY this means Bristol Palin is giving people STDs. I don’t need any facts to back that up. All I need is some freak coincidences and enormous leaps to outlandish conclusions. I mean, that’s how Republicans come up with their claims so that must be how we roll.

PS: You know those crazy nutjobs are now saying Obama shouldn’t be President because he’s an illegitimate child? His Kenyan dad needed to stay in the country and knocked up some nice white lady and then bigamy-married her so he could stay in the US. This is the new theory they have pulled out of nowhere since the birth certificate thing is dead. See? OUTLANDISH CONCULSIONS! They need to quit.