I can not even begin 2describe the miracle that is now apart of our family. Mommy/baby are healthy &resting. We appreciate all of the love.— KhloéKardashianOdom (@KhloeKardashian) June 16, 2013
The good part is, we’re done seeing Kim’s parade of awkward maternity fashions. The bad part is, the tabloid cycle after celebribabies are born is really obnoxious.
June15: Baby Kimye is born. Her name starts with a K and she reportedly looks like Kim.
June 18: Alright Kimye, what’s the baby’s name? It’s been 3 whole days. Why haven’t you told us? You tell us everything else.
June 20: The name goes public.
June 21: Ok, so where are the pictures?
June 22: Mama Kris leaks cellphone photos of the baby to People for a gobjillion dollars.
June 23: Kanye West adds an extra song to Yeezus called “Fuck MILs” which he says is short for millions, but we know means “mother in law.”
July 15: Baby Kimye turns one month old. Official photoshoot appears in Vogue photographed by Steven Meisel.
July 15 later that day: Steven Meisel retires and moves to Malta — cannot bear the shame of his previous project.
August 15: Kim Kardashian “How I lost 800 lbs of baby weight in 8 weeks and how you can too if you have millions of dollars, no job, a team of nannies, and a fiance who is probably about to leave you now that the baby is here.”
August 30: Kanye seen partying with [insert young celebrity whiter than Kim] at a club in Paris.
August 31: Kim’s ugly cry face.
September 15: New pictures of Baby Kimye come out. She’s turning into Kris Humpries.
September 16: Kim tries to take her baby to the tanning bed, but is refused.
September 17: Kim tries to paint her baby browner to look more like Kanye.
September 18: Kanye releases a song called “Blackface Baby.” It’s really catchy. He says it’s not about Kim.
September 19: Kanye says “OK it’s about Kim.”
October 15: Paparazzi snap the first pictures of Kim & Kanye in the same place since July.
October 16: Nevermind, Kris sent out old photos to trick us. Kanye actually lives in Paris with Kate Upton.
October 17: Kim’s ugly cry face.
November 1: Kanye officially calls off the engagement. Cites irreconcilable differences such as being an asshole and not being the baby’s father.
November 15: E! True Hollywood Special — The Rise & Fall of Kimye
November 16: Beyonce reacts to Kim’s departure.
So basically Kim leaking that baby this weekend just kicks off the Doomsday Clock a month early. Somebody at Kamp Kardashian better be getting Kim’s things in order because she’s about to be shown to the door.