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I live in a constant state of early 90s.
When college rock was good, and black people were still on TV.

Baby Kimye's Post-Natal Timeline | SLTA___
     Baby Kimye’s Post-Natal Timeline

Well.  I guess Kanye has a big leakage problem somewhere in his camp.  His album leaked a week early and now Kim leaked his baby a month early,.

The good part is, we’re done seeing Kim’s parade of awkward maternity fashions.  The bad part is, the tabloid cycle after celebribabies are born is really obnoxious.

June15:  Baby Kimye is born.  Her name starts with a K and she reportedly looks like Kim.

June 18:  Alright Kimye, what’s the baby’s name?  It’s been 3 whole days.  Why haven’t you told us?  You tell us everything else.

June 20:   The name goes public.

June 21:  Ok, so where are the pictures?  

June 22:  Mama Kris leaks cellphone photos of the baby to People for a gobjillion dollars.

June 23:  Kanye West adds an extra song to Yeezus called “Fuck MILs” which he says is short for millions, but we know means “mother in law.”

July 15:  Baby Kimye turns one month old.  Official photoshoot appears in Vogue photographed by Steven Meisel.

July 15 later that day:  Steven Meisel retires and moves to Malta — cannot bear the shame of his previous project.

August 15:  Kim Kardashian “How I lost 800 lbs of baby weight in 8 weeks and how you can too if you have millions of dollars, no job, a team of nannies, and a fiance who is probably about to leave you now that the baby is here.”

August 30:  Kanye seen partying with [insert young celebrity whiter than Kim] at a club in Paris.

August 31:  Kim’s ugly cry face.

September 15:  New pictures of Baby Kimye come out.  She’s turning into Kris Humpries.

September 16:  Kim tries to take her baby to the tanning bed, but is refused.

September 17:   Kim tries to paint her baby browner to look more like Kanye.

September 18:  Kanye releases a song called “Blackface Baby.”  It’s really catchy.  He says it’s not about Kim.

September 19:  Kanye says “OK it’s about Kim.”

October 15:  Paparazzi snap the first pictures of Kim & Kanye in the same place since July.

October 16:  Nevermind, Kris sent out old photos to trick us.  Kanye actually lives in Paris with Kate Upton.

October 17:  Kim’s ugly cry face.

November 1:  Kanye officially calls off the engagement.  Cites irreconcilable differences such as being an asshole and not being the baby’s father.

November 15:  E! True Hollywood Special — The Rise & Fall of Kimye

November 16:  Beyonce reacts to Kim’s departure.

So basically Kim leaking that baby this weekend just kicks off the Doomsday Clock a month early.  Somebody at Kamp Kardashian better be getting Kim’s things in order because she’s about to be shown to the door.


12:01 pm  •  17 June 2013  •   Let's talk about what you think.

| kanye west| kim kardashian| kimye| baby kimye| celebs| celebrities| gossip|

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