LiveScience has an article about the Weirdest Moms in the Animal Kingdom in honor of Mother’s Day. Next time you do something and your mom is like “I went through labor for you!!!” just be like “well you didn’t sacrifice yourself for the wellbeing of me and my siblings so we could feast on your carcass so I don’t wanna hear it!”
Chickens dissolve their own bones in order to make enough calcium for the eggshells of their unborn babies. That’s some forreal sacrifice. Giving yourself osteoporosis for your chicks…
Cuckoos hijack the nest of a different species of bird and lay their eggs in it. The cuckoo always hatches earlier and then pushes the other eggs out of the nest so the adopted mom can focus all her energy on feeding the lone cuckoo. Gangsta!
Adetomyrmaant is a tiny ant from Madagascar. When the queen has brand new little larvaes to contend with, she and her workers chew little holes in the babies and feed on them. The babies don’t die and we don’t know why they’re being vamped on, but there it go. Weird ants.
Pacific Gray Whales get preggers and migrate thousands of miles away from the Arctic down to the coast of Mexico. Orcas live in the arctic and eat the baby whales so the moms give birth in safety down in Mexico. In the process they can lose up to 8 tons because there’s not as much food down there, but that’s some dedicated mothering.
Some species of Stegodyphus spiders hunt for the sole purpose of feeding the babies. They eat, throw up, and let the babies eat the vomit. Then, after a month, mom rolls over on her back and lets the babies eat her. Yum!
The poison arrow frog watches her tadpoles hatch on the rainforest floor. Then she carries each of them, one by one, 100feet up to the rainforest canopy and finds individual leaves with pools of water for them to swim in. Little aquatic nurseries in the sky. And to feed em, she just uses her unfertilized eggs. That momma is workin, forreal.
Sea louse give birth by letting the babies chew their way through her body to the outside world. I’m so glad I didn’t have to do that.
If I had a uterus I’d swear it was that time of the month. Everything has been setting me off today. I think it’s the weather. NYC is so depressing when it rains.
But really though how can this little face not tug at your heartstrings?
The as-yet-unnamed orangutan was born at the Houston Zoo on Wednesday, March 2. She was the third orangutan born there in the past 14 years.
Zookeepers said Kelly initially indicated that she would nurse the baby, but after 12 hours, she abandoned her.
“Based on Kelly’s past behavior with her son Solaris, we had every reason to believe she would accept and raise the baby,” said Colahan. “Unfortunately, Kelly abandoned the infant later in the day and refused repeated attempts to return the baby to her.” (cont.)
Kelly I am SO MAD with you right now. How you just not wanna raise your (totally cute) baby? You laid down and got pregnant (or stood up or however you do it) so now you need to take responsibility for your actions and raise your baby! You are not a 14 year old human. You can’t just have sex and pawn the results off on some nice old white ladies.
That baby looks so sad. I can’t even deal anymore.
The actual dingaling part. Not the crotch area in general. My penis is AMAZING, a perfect specimen of manliness and, I guess, evolution too since there’s nary a hair anywhere on my wang.
Scientists spend a lot of time looking at evolution from the perspective of “what new genes have we picked up to differentiate us from chimps and other big apes?” On the flip side though, Hairy Dick is a gene we’ve lost over the eons. Many mammals and great apes have sensory hairs all over the Mr. Johnson that increase sensation and sensitivity. (I DO NOT KNOW THIS FROM FIRSTHAND RESEARCH—I JUST READ IT OHKAY?!) At first I’m like, “aww…hairy penis would be cool!” But the tradeoff seems to be that humans can have sex for a lot longer. And I can go all night so….tell your friends. Call me. I’m single. Please. Call me. I’m quite quite single. And smart. And funny. And I can sing. And cook. And bowl. But most importantly…