rafi-dangelo

Things You Shouldn’t Put In Your Butt: iPhones.

I hope this doesn’t become a recurring thing in my internet life, but there seems to be an abundance of men putting things in their anuses that don’t belong there.

An ex-con was busted for stealing an iPhone when it started ringing — while stashed up his butt in a holding cell at the West Village station house, sources told The Post yesterday.

Look at this photo.

Oh look, an iPoo, for those hard-to-shop-for iFriends with their shitty iAttitudes.

Look at this photo.

Apparently, none of these people have seen a computer before.

Or.

Apple people are weird and creepy and the most exciting thing in the world is the release of a new Mac.

I almost feel bad for that laptop. I want to put a shawl around it and whisk it away from those culty men and their cameras. Yes, men. Find a woman in that group please. Other than the Asian woman because they’re just permanently attached to cameras.

This is as close to sex as any of those men are likely to get all year.

This guy installed an iPod holder into his arm.

From MSNBC:

Professional body piercer Dave Hurban is a man attached to his iPod. Literally.

Hurban, 21, who works in a tattoo parlor in Newfield, New Jersey, implanted four metal studs in the skin of his wrist and secured his iPod to them magnetically.

…

Wow.

Further proof that New Jersey and/or the Cult of Apple breeds an especially dedicated brand of douche.

This is how I feel when people brag about their iPhones.

And then:

I guess Android phones just got some app that iPhones already had and this is tech news or something. And of course all of the iPhone users are all “oh you just got that? I been had that! Hahaha you late! #TeamiPhone!” Just the whole culture of “I Love My iPhone” is kind of obnoxious.

So let’s get a few things straight, people.

Wait a minute….Apple…Mac…

apples

^^Macintosh Apples

I wish they had gone with Golden Delicious or Granny Smiths instead.

“I’m a PC.”
“You suck! I’m a Granny Smith!”

Look at this photo.

Aw…they didn’t announce the release of the iPhone 5 yesterday.

Don’t lie. I know you are. I saw all you guys on Facebook talmbout some “They better release the iPhone 5…they better…if they don’t I’m gonna go punch a kid with downsyndrome in the face I swear.”