I previously thought the most surprising thing about the Billboard Music Awards is the fact that America’s Funniest Home Videos is still on the air. I rescind that statement and move AFV to second place because I didn’t even know Kesha and soap knew each other.
I tried to watch the BBMAs. Really I did. They started losing me right off the jump with Pitbull.
You are not ready for this acceptance speech. You are not ready!!!
This is the definition of “They did that.” Can we talk about how Max is waaaay off to the side, hella away from the mic and we can still hear that alto? She know she was bad. This blend is just so on point.
At the risk of being booed off the Internet, I’ma just put it out there: Nobody in En Vogue had an amazing voice. They were all good singers — not great ones. Cindy damn near annoyed the hell outta me with her tone and Dawn was always right next to weak. But the four of them together? They had the best ears in the business. I need something like this to happen again.
I’ve already said my piece about Beyonce. Just about anybody compared to that Display of Awesome would look Bootleg & Throwed Together, but the fact that the rest of the show was so horrible is depressing. I mean, those are the most popular artists in music. It makes me so sad that THAT is what passes for entertainment these days. Nobody could sing. Nobody could dance. Nobody could do anything but walk around in barely-there outfits and give crotch service to the audience.
A few video highlights lowlights of the night after the jump.
Alright. So let’s do it. Let’s talk about how Beyonce slayed all haters last night.
Sidenote: I shall not be retracting my previous post that Beyonce is indeed Whack as Hell, but I’ll slightly modify that sentiment by saying Beyonce presents a lot of Whack as Hell tomfoolery. And after last night? I’m even more mad at her for coming with the Weaksauce time after time, because she is completely capable of blowing all minds consistently.
OK. Video first. Talk later. Fast-forward to 3:00 if you just wanna see the performance. But Lady Obama’s eyebrows are kind of a must-see occasion. I don’t think I’ve ever—EVER—said anything even halfway sideways about Miss First Lady Ma’am, but those eyebrows are just too Chonga Sharpielicious for my life. Don’t do that again, Michelle.