100. Rihanna “Diamonds” I’m biased against her because I hate her, but this is the best song anybody’s ever written for a llama.
99. Skrillex “Bangarang” I’m also biased against dubstep because it sounds like a seizure, but Skrillex finally made a song that sounds like “music” and not a dial-up internet connection.
98. Monica & Brandy “It All Belongs To Me” Unfortunately, neither of my girls will ever reach their 90s heights as far as popularity, but they’re both sounding better and better each year (and looking amazing).
97. Guided By Voices “Doughnut for a Snowman” More songs need to start off like first grade music class when you learn to play the recorder. I realize that sounds like shade, but it comes from a good place. This song makes me happy
96. The Beach Boys “That’s Why God Made the Radio” Nobody does harmony like the Beach Boys, even five decades into their career. This song makes me want to get my tan on…and I’m a black man who doesn’t even like the beach.
True Confessions: If somebody can get in there and make sure Justin Bieber doesn’t turn into a complete little asshole, he’s going to be a star for a really long time. His voice is actually really decent. (A de-RachelMaddowing makeover couldn’t hurt either.)
I made this little graphic to help you out. Click it for the fullsize version.
I’ll explain it later, but first the backstory.
I was hanging out with this guy who was trying to argue me up down and sideways that Adele is an amazing singer. I’ma tell you why she’s so popular: she has a great big black lady voice and she’s white. The End. Everything she’s doing is done a million times over every Sunday by the church ladies at New Bethel AME Zion Church of Christ Under an Elm Tree By The River. Still, she has a great tone to her voice that you can’t teach. She’s just born with that and she has a great voice. That doesn’t make her a great singer.
A great singer has great ears. All of the runs and melisma are possible because they have a great sense of pitch. They can hear the chords and sing all around, inside, and through them. Those interesting vocal runs just come out because they have great ears. On top of that, with vocal coaching and/or practice they can really hone their craft and do some amazing things.
A great voice is born, not made. You’re either born with a beautiful sound coming out of your mouth, or you’re not.
So I got bored watching the Walking Dead and made a little graphic. Left to right ranks great singing ability with the best being on the right. Bottom to top ranks great voices with the best being near the top. I graded everyone by Whitney Houston who, hands-down, had the best combination of natural-born-tone and exception singing ability.
Christina Aguilera’s new album is exceedingly boring. I only got through about half of it before I gave up. I wanted to love it, because I think she’s such a great vocalist, but I definitely didn’t have high hopes after that wretched “Your Body” single.
If you had told me that sad-looking nobody child on Thea would turn into this beautiful woman, I would’ve laughed in your face because she straight-up was lookin like ET with a mushroom wig on. Everything in this is perfection. That lace-front situation is immaculate. Where is Azealia Banks? Can she be watching this and taking notes? Because that’s how you wear 3 feet of hair, ma’am.