rafi-dangelo

This teacher at an all-boys Catholic school “catfished” some of his students. For nudes of course.

I am the first one to raise a hand and say “I LOVE real-life Catfish stories” especially since I was a pretty accomplished catfisher myself back in the AOL Chatroom days.

But this is gross.

An Orange County male teacher is accused of allegedly posing as a girl on Facebook and getting young boys into online relationships.

Officials say 30-year-old Zachary Reeder pretended to be a young girl and then convinced young men to send him sexually explicit photos of themselves.

(source)

Catholics, man! Y’all just can’t get right, ever!

A Molester Priest in New Jersey just got a really fancy promotion.

A Roman Catholic priest who confessed to groping a teenage boy 12 years ago has been named to a prestigious post in the Archdiocese of Newark, drawing furious criticism from advocates for victims of clergy sex abuse.

The Rev. Michael Fugee, who is barred from unsupervised contact with children under a binding agreement with law enforcement officials, has been appointed co-director of the Office of Continuing Education and Ongoing Formation of Priests, the archdiocese recently announced in its newspaper, the Catholic Advocate.

(source)

At this point we all need to just face facts and accept that the term “molester priest” should be an actual thing, to differentiate them from regular priests. I’m sure there are priests who don’t molest children somewhere, just like I’m sure Lady Gaga must have some straight male fans…somewhere.

This is long and messy, so allow me to summarize.

Today in Men of God: Molester Priest has legal fees paid for by the church.

He didn’t even ask. The archdiocese was just like “here’s a loan to fight these charges, even though you were caught in your underwear chasing a little boy down the street.” Just another day in the Catholic church really. Totally normal.

How to handle accusations of paying thousands of dollars to child molestors.

Let’s have a little lesson in How To Be A Grown-Up.

If you are a high-ranking priest who has been accused of paying child molestors under your jurisdiction $20,000 to leave the priesthood, how should you react?

A) Deny all charges in a morally indignant, totally incredulous sort of way.
B) Own up to the charges and explain the reasons behind your trangressions.
C) Be a big fat crybaby and whine about how superflous the New York Times has become and refuse to address the charges.

Timothy Dolan chose Door Number Three.

This priest knocked up some girl and now everybody knows about it.

An investigation into his (shady) order just exposed Father Thomas Williams for getting one of his followers pregnant.

He cute though.

Fr. Williams is one of those I’m So Important priests who goes on TV all the time and writes books. Lots of books. Lemme tell you what they’re about. Because clearly I have read them all and I’m not making any of this up.

original title: A Hard-On Like This
In this coming of age story, a young man enters the priesthood at a very young age and realizes, too late, that he has an awesome dick. He prays to Jesus about not hiding his light under a bushel and ultimately decides to give sermons naked. And bless the congregation with his seed.

If you get pregnant by your priest, that is *your* fault, not his.

So don’t tell anybody because A) You need to make it right with the Lord, B) The congregation will be upset and C) If the court says he has to pay child support, he’ll have to leave the church. Clearly, you need to give that baby up for adoption and never speak about it again.

That’s what I have learned so far from an upcoming Dan Rather Reports on HDNet about coerced adoptions.

Porn in a Catholic Church?

Where they do that at?

I could put up with a lil Jesus babble if the sermon ends in hot gay sex.

A Catholic priest “shocked” parents and one child at a presentation at St Mary’s School in Northern Ireland after indecent images of men appeared on screen at the beginning of his presentation, the Belfast Telegraph reports:

Father Martin McVeigh was about to host an advisory Powerpoint presentation for parents on the subject of their children’s imminent Holy Communion event last week but instead displayed shocking gay porn scenes….(cont.)

I don’t know why we’re pretending the Catholic clergy is anything but a bunch of conflicted homos who thought they could wish away their gayness by being Celibate 4 Jesus. And not even tech-savvy homos at that. I mean, who puts porn on their work computer? That is so 2005. Get with the times and spring for an external harddrive like the rest of us Smut Connoisseurs.

A church in Missouri fired some dude for getting gay-married.

And now everybody is whining about it. I mean, I totally get the injustice. Sexual discrimination is bad, you shouldn’t fire people for being gay, blah blah blah blah. But you took a job at a Catholic Church, man. And then you got gay married. I’m sorry, did I miss a dogmatic shift from the Pope that suddenly said gay marriage is OK? Seriously. That’s like working for PETA and getting mad if they fire you for buying an Outback franchise. Obviously you aren’t supposed to do that.