rafi-dangelo

Since, Beyonce Baby Bump 2013 has officially commenced, we need to get a head start on this babyname situation so we aren’t all taken unawares by another Blue Ivy situation. We need to prepare ourselves. Brace ourselves for the big event next year. Or next month. You can never really tell when Beyonce will actually “give birth.”

I have a few suggestions.

Has anyone organized the betting pool for Kimye’s relationship yet?

Time has to be winding down on that trainwreck. The signs are there. Kanye is dressing her up in couch covers and she’s trying to make him feel better about running into signs and shit. He’s all ranting about not being a celebrity when her whole life is based on this ridiculous trend of being famous for no reason.

The only reason he hasn’t dumped Kim yet is because she’s pregnant, and even Kanye isn’t asshole enough to leave his chick in the third trimester.

Danity Kane is back together.

I am crying real thug tears over here.

I wish I had the time/ability to make this an actual post, but I am not near a computer so this is as good as it’s going to get. I just needed to let you know that this is actually happening.

Wade Robson says Michael Jackson molested him.

Let me translate that title for you.

Wade Robson must not be able to pay his bills or he has a nasty Coke & Whores habit he needs to fund. This is ridiculous. And for me to say a Michael Jackson story is ridiculous means it is TRULY ridiculous because I am never Team Jackson Family unless Janet is involved (praise!).

Why does everybody feel bad that Lauryn Hill is going to jail?

I don’t. Lauryn Hill was stupid. Were we all up in arms when Wesley Snipes went to jail? Are we only printing out “Free Lauryn” t-shirts because she had her face was on two of the best albums of the 90s? She was stupid.

Are Naomi Campbell and Vlad splitting up?

I know one thing, Naomi better have some jewelry or something. I’m sure that billionaire has given her a few rocks over the years. I just hope she doesn’t mind pawning them because you know he’s still married to his real wife meaning Naomi gets exactly Zero Settlements if they break up.

P!nk used to date a boybander back in the day.

Now, I’m pretty ambivalent on Alecia these days because I just think she’s been making the same Angry White Woman Yelling Song over and over since her 3rd album. Not that it’s necessarily a bad thing - get your coins, girl, since people are really loving it. But she just scooted me a little bit closer to her camp because apparently we have the same taste in men, and I can’t be mad at a chick who knows good beef when she sees it.

Look at this photo.

Well, whattya know….Chris Martin doesn’t look nearly as annoying shirtless.