rafi-dangelo

Ian Ziering is going to be a Chippendale now.

How many former-celebrities are going to take their shirts off for Chippendales before we see an actual penis? Who is paying to see these D-Listers and why is this a thing? I can just follow you to the beach for free.

Chippendales *finally* has a HOT has-been celebrity joining the club.

Joey Lawrence is taking it all off … or most of it at least … because the 90s heartthrob just inked a deal with the man-stripper crew at Chippendales in Vegas.

A rep for the beefcake brigade tells TMZ, the 36-year-old former “Blossom” star will don the legendary bow tie … and not much else … for a special engagement at the Rio from June 7th-24th. (cont.)

I’m still scarred for life after those Chippendale pics of Jeremy Jackson being traffic cone orange, but this will go a long way to alleviate my distress. Joey Lawrence and his big gay face can still get it.

Also: What is with all these celebrities taking their clothes off today? The recession is really Real, you guys.

Look at this photo.

“This is how Chippendales should actually look” Husband Material.

(Source: jonjonathanjon, via koalainchicago)

So let’s talk about J-Lo and these Chippendales for a quick second.

JLO

LOL at these nobodys being super-excited about posing with a wax statue of J-Lo.
Wax J-Lo looks like a 2nd rate contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race with a pumpkin strapped to her backside.
The real J-Lo just got an $8 million raise for the next season of Idol. Her critique of singing is officially worth more than her actual singing ever was.
That really is Jeff Timmons at the bottom right.
Nick Lachey really did hint at a 98 Degrees reuinion!!!! Which makes me hate J-Tim even more for holding up the *NSYNC train and standing in the way of my dreams.

Chippendales are so confusing.
I don’t understand their purpose.
You don’t even see any penis.

It’s basically just seeing guys walk around shirtless, which I can do on the sidewalk and not have to abide by a 2-drink minimum.

Jeremy Jackson is a Chippendale dancer now.

Just riding that Has-Been train to Oblivion right behind Jeff Timmons.

He is like…..bundt-cake colored.

Aside from the fact that he’s forever cracked out on drugs and giving incoherent interviews about topics such as How Bottled Water Causes Bisexuality—yes, that really happened—he is an extremely orange person. I don’t know why people are surprised he looks like that. Everybody’s all “OMG he was so cute on Baywatch! What did he do!”

That is some selective memory in action forreal, because he already had DoucheFace as a teenager:

See?

This was inevitable.