Republican Jesus™ is very different than the Jesus you and I are familiar with. First off, he is White. Not just white, but White. Republican Jesus™ has a special place in his heart for America. Specifically, White America.
I wanted to write something snarky. But I’m not sure what I just saw.
I do have one question to all those “followers” though…How you gon’ trust a 350lb dude to heal you back to health when he’s probably the dye-beedus? Wouldn’t Jesus heal the messenger first so he won’t, I dunno, have a stroke in the pulpit?
What do you do if you’re found guilty of molesting a kid and it’s on videotape? You swallow a bunch of pills and hope to die. I’m not sure what bothers me more, the fact that he’s not man enough to face his sentence, or the fact that he’s so unoriginal with his reaction. That Wall Street dude already did this once and succeeded. And now Rev. Harris had to go follow the white man and half-ass himself…*smh*
Pat Robertson on Slavery: The Bible made a boo-boo. (via JMG)
So, this is real fun:
We have moved in our conception of the value of human beings over the years until we realized slavery was terribly wrong.
I see. So, basically, the word of God, the guidebook to life, the living record of all things good and holy basically messed up on that part and now humanity has evolved to the point where we see the error of God’s old ways.
I guess we’ve also moved past stoning people for random, minor-ass infractions and keeping folks away from delicious foodstuffs like skrimps and bacon.
But gay sex! No, that part was right. Even though Jesus never said a word about gay sex, but definitely endorsed slavery, gay sex is still bad.
This is clearly the face of Jesus in the crumbling facade of a Chinese take-out joint. A drunk Christian said so, therefore, it must be true.
As Ian Ridley and Lawrence Boys waited outside the takeaway in Sunderland they noticed that peeling paint and dirt on the door appeared to form the face of Jesus.
Mr Ridley, 39, immediately took a photograph of the bizarre sight outside the Mayho Chinese Takeaway.
He said: ‘We were a little drunk at the time and went to get something to eat.
‘We were waiting for our meal outside when we saw it.
‘It was Jesus looking right at us, we were shocked and couldn’t believe it. ‘It’s a miracle!
Jimmy Fallon was hosting it. Is it just me, or is that the most adorable 40 year old white man in the country? I think he is precious as can be with his cute little self. And he always just seems so happy to be wherever he is. Can I be there too? We can be so happy together.
Anyway.
SNL was boo boo as usual. I don’t even know why I watch. I basically just cross my fingers for Stefon or Anything Amazing Involving Kristen Wiig. I was borderline amused by the Tim Tebow and Jesus skit they tacked on at the end though.
Obviously that didn’t go over so well with the Christians :-/
So this is me, sleep. Dead to the world. And suddenly I’m wide awake hearing some kind of weird scratching, jumping, creepy howl situation going on outside my window. My first thought (why, I don’t know) was that it was the Rapture! So I sat straight up in the middle of the bed looking around my room for signs of Jesus and the sounds were by no means on their way to stopping. If anything it was getting louder. I took a quick glance over to the window, I mean quick. Like, Beyonce-headsnap quick, because I wanted to see what was going on, but I didn’t want to see at the same time.
But I caught a glimpse and it didn’t look anything like Jesus. So I looked back.
And it was two pigeons fuckin on my air conditioner. I was SoMad. I’m thinkin I’m gonna be dragged to hell and it’s just two horny birds gettin their swerve on.
Note to self: take my AC out of the window for the winter because apparently my courtyard turns into the Aviary Boom Boom Room when it gets chilly.
TV Ratings: Zombies were super popular on Sunday.
