I mean channel ORANGE is better than the first album, and a handful of those tracks are really on point, but that style of music is just too sleepy for me. I appreciate what he’s doing and I think he’s talented, but as far as I’m concerned, him and Lana Del Rey can just go sit in a hazy room filled with pot-smoke and drink red wine together and emote about things.
I made this little graphic to help you out. Click it for the fullsize version.
I’ll explain it later, but first the backstory.
I was hanging out with this guy who was trying to argue me up down and sideways that Adele is an amazing singer. I’ma tell you why she’s so popular: she has a great big black lady voice and she’s white. The End. Everything she’s doing is done a million times over every Sunday by the church ladies at New Bethel AME Zion Church of Christ Under an Elm Tree By The River. Still, she has a great tone to her voice that you can’t teach. She’s just born with that and she has a great voice. That doesn’t make her a great singer.
A great singer has great ears. All of the runs and melisma are possible because they have a great sense of pitch. They can hear the chords and sing all around, inside, and through them. Those interesting vocal runs just come out because they have great ears. On top of that, with vocal coaching and/or practice they can really hone their craft and do some amazing things.
A great voice is born, not made. You’re either born with a beautiful sound coming out of your mouth, or you’re not.
So I got bored watching the Walking Dead and made a little graphic. Left to right ranks great singing ability with the best being on the right. Bottom to top ranks great voices with the best being near the top. I graded everyone by Whitney Houston who, hands-down, had the best combination of natural-born-tone and exception singing ability.
Lana, I am so not here for you and your “artistry.” Lemme get more “Born To Die” and less everything else. The best thing about her so far is that one song and her H&M campaign. And her poofy upper lip.
So, in this dream I’m driving up the Saw Mill Parkway in a black Mercedes on the way to my country house in Connecticut. Apparently I had just gotten my hair did because I was Pocahontas’ed out like Rasheeda on Love & Hip-Hop. Lana Del Rey was sitting next to me trying to argue me into liking her music, saying I’m racist because I don’t like white girl music. I calmly explained to her that I don’t like Sad White Girl Music (Lana Del Rey) or Gay White Girl Music (Lady Gaga) but I’m fine with Hipster Pop White Girl Music for some reason.
Then I played this song as an example and left that bitch on the side of the road after it was over.