I’ve been hot and cold on this movie for months now. Oprah backhanding folks on screen? Yes. Mariah Carey dressed up as a wholly unbelievable field negress?
Hell no.
I just watched the trailer again though and I’m still not sold. Judge for yourself.
A lot of female pop stars have released music videos this month and I am so disappoint. What happened to pop? Why is everything so boring, awkward, and/or uncomfortable?
Mariah Carey “#Beautiful” feat. Miguel
Mariah…is really trying. Hard. Hashtag Beautiful is Hashtag Boring and Neck-Breaka Miguel isn’t adding anything other than sugarsweetsyrup to this with his lil swishy behind. This video though. Mariah playing an innocent sex kitten at sixty-seven years old is so uncomfortable to watch. She has the right to wear whatever she wants…I just wish she wanted to wear more. She’s just so unsexy. She doesn’t even move sexy. Stop trying to be sexy all the time. You aren’t Janet. Nobody is checking for your midriff, I promise you.
Not literally poor as in no money poor. Clearly Mariah Carey is rich. Only rich people can give their kids Muslim toilet paper names. (How you doin, lil Moroccan Scott?)
But no, I just caught that Good Morning America performance from Central Park and I don’t think my ears will ever forgive me.
I tried to quickly banish the memory by listening to some Music Box immediately after, but it was too late and the damage was done. I don’t think my relationship with my ears will ever be the same again.
(Part of my ears’ displeasure with life right now is also due to being forced to listen to some of my phone calls at work yesterday, and hearing my own voice is definitely on the bottom of the list of Things That Sound Amazing.)
I expected a lot more from Dave LaChapelle though. You got him to do your video and you just stand in a room in a black dress? I guess there’s some small genius there. This is the guy who’s spent half of his career making Amanda Lepore look fabulous, so this probably was the best choice for Mariah at this point.
All shade aside though, she looks and sounds fabulous. I’m finally looking forward to a new album. Good job, Mimi. Now don’t fuck it up.
Things you didn’t expect this year: Nelly would go completely pop-country.
Nelly “Hey Porsche”
I don’t recommend reading the Youtube comments on this clip because, as usual, it’s full of 15-year-old idiots saying “this is gay,” but the general consensus is that Nelly must have lost his mind for doing this. Is it really that much of a stretch though? He is from Missouri and if you really listen to his first singles like “Ride With Me” there’s a definite twang hidden under there. Plus, his best song this millennium has Tim McGraw on the hook. If he wants to go headlong into country, I really have no problems with it.
My only problem is this is some hot ass garbage. GARBAGE Y’ALL. Nelly is a 40 year old, grown-ass, rich black man. This song sounds straight outta the White Disney Children pipeline. He must be trolling with this. I refuse to believe he made this with any modicum of actual seriousness. I kept waiting for the boyband moves that never came because this is 100% ridiculous.
Luckily, not everybody in music has taken leave of their senses and some actual good things came out recently. Let’s talk about Mariah Carey, Bobby Valentino & K. Michelle, Coheed and Cambria, Paleface, Lulu James, Emma Hewitt, Grizzly Bear, Big Boi, Miranda Lambert, and my fabulous friend Lea Lorien.
Am I ready to see “The Butler?”
