A) That Shamrock Shake has more chemicals than actual food. Seriously. There are more ingredients in the CHERRY than there should be in the whole thing. B) That Shamrock Shake is bad for you even by McDonald’s standards. C) That Shamrock Shake tastes like toothpaste anyway and you need to put that down.
I was going through my phone deleting things when I came across a picture I had taken weeks ago.
When the McRib comes back, I go get one. No big deal—it’s just a thing I do. It’s a weirdly satisfying sensation to get my processed meat substance in red sugar sauce on bread-like bun. I do it once (or twice if I’m depressed) and that’s my McRib Experience for the season.
So here is Me, on the Upper West Side at McDonald’s on 103rd and Broadway, having my McRib and fries and Sweet Tea when I look over at the register and got annoyed. Annoyed enough to take a picture of the annoyance so I could text it to my friends. Some triflin hoodrat was in the middle of McDonald’s with her two dogs.
I’ve read no less than 12 different articles all written in Hysteria Tone about how the McRib is back and how it is poison. About how the patty is basically unidentifiable as meat and how the bun is used to make yoga mats. So let me break it down for you.
…are borderline offensive at this point, made by marketing execs who’ve probably never even seen a hip-hop video, sitting around a boardroom bouncing ideas off each other about how to get the Coloreds to buy their new product. Remember the Soul duet about Chicken Nuggets a few years ago? Obviously, black people only digest information through song. Want a negro to buy something? Make a commercial for BET.
Seriously, you only see white people in a McDonald’s commercial if they’re trying to sell that bitter ass coffee that tastes like potting soil.
WHY CAN’T MCDONALD’S MAKE A FUCKING SANDWICH RIGHT?
It’s a sandwich. It’s pretty much….the easiest meal you can make (besides cereal, let’s not get crazy). It goes likes this:
Meat (or meat substitute…I see you McDonald’s)
Pickles and/or Onions.
Ketchup and/or Mustard.
Why is the cheese hanging off? I know you only put one slice of pickle on it, you cheap bastard, so obviously I shouldn’t be able to *see* it outside of the bun.
I realize that you probably work at McDonald’s because it’s your first job. Or you got fired from your other jobs. Or you can’t read.
None of those are excuses for not being able to STACK correctly. It’s called Kindergarten…remember Blocks? I was the kid that came by and kicked over your block-tower, and I’m about to come back in the kitchen and kick over your face if you keep screwing with my cheeseburger!