This whole War on Women is based on Republicans suddenly finding it necessary to regulate Lady Parts. I’m pretty sure women were doing pretty well governing their own vaginas, but hey, I don’t have one. I’m unqualified to speak on the subject because I really don’t know what it’s like to have that kind of plumbing. Maybe women do need help reigning in those unruly things and Republicans are gracious enough to take on the task of Box Legislation.
If nothing else, they’re definitely staying true to their platform of smaller government. I can’t imagine governing something smaller than a vagina. I hope they don’t start giving me instructions for my penishead.
Anywho, Ann Romney and Michele Bachmann have recently come out as pro-choice! This is kind of a big deal. They’re fairly important in the Republican party (but not really) so having them taking the position of a woman’s right to choose is great!
First of all, before I say anything about this sorry excuse for a field of Republican candidates, let’s get clear on something: the Iowa Caucus don’t mean shit. It’s just a non-binding poll (not much unlike other straw polls) from a state that really doesn’t represent America (where are all your brown people, Iowa?) and doesn’t even matter that much in the grand scheme of things when you realize how few delegates they have anyway. And it’s not even a great predictor of who will get the nomination. Mike Huckabee won it last time. And what’s he up to these days? Not being the President, that’s for damn sure.
One of things I pray for is that people with power will get good sense and that people with good sense will get power.
Can fictional characters be President? Can this be a thing? Because Presidents worship fictional characters so I don’t see why not. Funny how we are still fighting this same fight two decades later. Get it together, America.
I didn’t watch the Repugnantblican debate from my great homestate of South Carolina.
At this point it truly is a waste of time because, Ron Paul aside, all of the candidates are either unabashedly lying through their teeth or actually stupid. There’s no middle ground. Either you’re an asshole or a dumbass. That’s it. The whole field is just a hot mess and if I were a Republican, I would be so upset with my choices. An entire country full of people and that’s all they could come up with? That’s just all kinds of crazy.
I imagine that if I lived in another country and I was watching this fuckery unfold, I would just stare at the screen—computer or television—with the o.0 face at all times. Like, isn’t America supposed to be important and powerful? What are these monkeys doing?
Santorum is too concerned with what’s going on in gay buttholes to focus on anything else. Cain is running around harassing white women. Perry is drunk…or an idiot…or a drunk idiot. Gingrich doesn’t look like he even wants to be there; his whole aura is like “I’m just here because they promised me a coupon to Cracker Barrel.” Romney is content to run on a platform of “Well, at least I’m not those guys.” Huntsman ends every sentence with “I was a foreign diplomat to China” like I give a shit, like I care, like I look at China and go “now there’s a country I so desperately want to live in.” And at this point not even Jesus himself could resurrect Bachmann’s campaign.
…Gaddafi would still be in power if she were President.
Doesn’t that sound like something a person like, oh I dunno…ME, would say about her? Like “Oh yea, Michele Bachmann is so dumb she’d probably still have Gaddafi running Libya. ::chuckle chuckle::” You know, just blowing her shortcomings out of proportion and suggesting something outlandish to support my belief that she’d be a horrible leader.
Republican Candidates: What will you bring to the White House?
I wish you could see my face when Michele Bachmann answered. It’s like I straight up smelled fresh shit all up and through my nose area.
Oooooooo girl. I hatechu. So much.
PS: Does she not know the Bill of Rights is PART of the Constitution? As in, not a separate document? That’s like saying I’m gonna bring the New Testament and the Bible, which I’m actually surprised she didn’t say.
Also, America really is too uptight. Good job, Herman, calling the kettle black and all…
Remember that thing I said about how America is a joke wearing last year’s Jordache jeans? We’re that girl who peaked in middle school. You know the ones. She got boobs first and tried out for cheerleading. All of her outfits were fly because her parents had lots of money and she got every 8th grade superlative from “Most Likely to Succeed” to “Most Likely to Be Famous.”
Fast forward 6 years, and she’s fat and ugly, about to flunk out of college because she’s failing math and science. She had a baby senior year of high school that her mom raises—alone, because her dad deserted the family for a younger woman, and now everybody’s on food stamps. Her friends are nice to her face, but secretly make jokes behind her back, talking about how much she could have been and where did she go wrong.
That’s America. Everybody is looking at us like the fat, dumb has-been in the back of the calculus class.