Things you didn’t expect this year: Nelly would go completely pop-country.
Nelly “Hey Porsche”
I don’t recommend reading the Youtube comments on this clip because, as usual, it’s full of 15-year-old idiots saying “this is gay,” but the general consensus is that Nelly must have lost his mind for doing this. Is it really that much of a stretch though? He is from Missouri and if you really listen to his first singles like “Ride With Me” there’s a definite twang hidden under there. Plus, his best song this millennium has Tim McGraw on the hook. If he wants to go headlong into country, I really have no problems with it.
My only problem is this is some hot ass garbage. GARBAGE Y’ALL. Nelly is a 40 year old, grown-ass, rich black man. This song sounds straight outta the White Disney Children pipeline. He must be trolling with this. I refuse to believe he made this with any modicum of actual seriousness. I kept waiting for the boyband moves that never came because this is 100% ridiculous.
Luckily, not everybody in music has taken leave of their senses and some actual good things came out recently. Let’s talk about Mariah Carey, Bobby Valentino & K. Michelle, Coheed and Cambria, Paleface, Lulu James, Emma Hewitt, Grizzly Bear, Big Boi, Miranda Lambert, and my fabulous friend Lea Lorien.
I’m so disappointed by Nelly Furtado’s new song! It’s literally the worst song I’ve heard all year. There is so much going on, yet nothing at all. So I listened to some old school Nelly to erase that memory from my mind forever.
So how about Kelly Clarkson completely just sneaked up on me with this album? Truth be told, I’ve never been totally sold on Kelly because all of her songs basically sound the same. She just got left or she’s about to get left and she’s gonna holler about it to a one-two-beat with a guitar and some belting ad-libs. That is Kelly Clarkson’s entire catalog. And after the disappointment of her last two albums, I just wrote her off.
Well, she found a way to make that “Since You Been Gone” formula work again because damn if Stronger isn’t the best pop-rock album since P!nk first decided to stop making black people music. It’s pretty strong from start to finish and a good half of the songs I actually put on my “play these jams a lot” list.
And I decided to finally sit through Travis Barker’s album a few times instead of just skipping to the tracks I like.
After I saw Katy Perry in the Record of the Year category and Rihanna in the Album of the Year category, I was pretty much done. I’m mostly just confused about when exactly *I* became so out of touch with pop culture. It’s not just that I don’t care for some of the nominees. It’s that I can’t even wrap my head around any reason why they would even be in the same sentence as “Grammy Winner.”