Ashley Marble, Miss Maine USA
This bitch stole the show last night. She didn’t win. She didn’t even make Top 4, but who cares about all those other Irrelevant Hoes when Ashley was bringing the BCH PLS Realness.
First of all, she came out in the opening swimsuit looking bored as hell. The other girls were 100% Newscaster with their delivery: “I’m Jane Smith, 22, from Nowhere, USA!” Ashley’s face was more like: “Can we just get this over with so I can catch the Game of Thrones season finale?”
It probably has something to do with the fact that she kinda got Miss Maine all last minute. She won Miss Main Teen USA in 2000 and she was runner up for Miss Maine USA this year, but the real winner gave up her crown (for some boring reason, no noodz or anything) and this old trick (27 years old!) suddenly had to go compete as Miss USA.
And I think her hobbies were shooting guns and beatin bitches with a bat.
Anyhow, she sealed the deal later in the semis. They split the girls up into four groups of four, to make it dramatic I guess? It just made it long, TBH. Andy Cohen is like “all four girls in one of these groups are going on to the next round.” It ended up with Ashley being in the group that didn’t get eliminated…and she gave the Bitch Boo Bye on national television! Yes. Y’all, we had to rewind the tape. She looked at the girls in the other group and gave a goodbye-wave*slash*get-off-the-stage-Shoo-Fly down low around mid-thigh level like nobody was gonna see.
Clearly, she had too much sass for Miss USA…they deleted her ass in the next round. But you will always be Miss USA in my heart, Ashley Marble!