rafi-dangelo

Reason Number 6,839 why that Octomom porn was a horrible idea:

One of her kids watched it!!!!!

Lord don’t let this be the beginning of some Menendez Brothers type saga. I am so disturbed. And to find this out on Halloween?? Oh the nightmares. OH THE NIGHTMARES Y’ALL.

These are the people I don’t like because they are the worst.

Mitt Romney
Octomom
Stevie J
Gunnar Deatherage
Rihanna
Bristol Palin
Gwyneth Paltrow
Drake
Phi Phi O’Hara
Nora Schweihs
Ann Romney
Elton John

I think that’s all.

Octomom wants YOU to pay HER $500 for a date.

Minimum. $500 minimum. She actually wants you to pay more, but $500 is the lowest she’ll go.

Is that enough to have her committed? Because we’re clearly dealing with an insane person at this point.

People are filing lawsuits to watch Octomom strip.

Just when you thought being an American couldn’t be any more embarrassing…

This is how I do my chores too.

I make eggs while I iron, listening to Quad City DJ’s “C’Mon N’ Ride It (The Train)”.

Clearly, Octomom’s sex vid is a comedy. There’s no other explanation for this gif. Or the rest of the gifs.

Octomom is a porn star now.

Some website is paying her actual moneys to take her clothes off and play with her vagina. How are they going to make that money back? Who wants to see that?

People I’d Rather Watch Masturbate Other Than Nadya Suleman Who Are Also Broke & Desperate:

Lindsay Lohan
Sheree Whitfield
Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas
The guy who fixed my ceiling
Anyone that has ever been on Dancing with the Stars
People who live in Montana
Pauly Shore
Tiffany “New York” Pollard
Professional bowlers
Jiggly Caliente
Those guys dressed up like the Statue of Liberty who wave signs on the street for me to get my taxes done.

Octomom is having a bikini car wash.

She’s got Tila Tequila and some other random Almost Famousers to join her for some kind of fundraiser so she can raise those 14 kids. Fourteen kids. What does your vagina look like after 14 humans walk through it? I’m pretty sure she had a cesarean, but you know there are actual women who’ve had twenty kids fall out of their crotch. I mean…I’ve seen dudes who’ve kept boxers way too long, way after the elastic stops being elastic-y. I’d imagine somewhere around baby number 10 you’d have to cross your legs constantly just to hold the fetus in.

Anyhow. Octomom is totally going about it the wrong way, releasing pics of her in a bikini to drum up interest. If you really want people to pay you for bikini related activities, try something more along the lines of, “if you don’t give me money, I’ll walk around in this thing for the rest of my life and you’ll never be able to watch TMZ again without seeing my weird alien belly.”

When Tummy Tucks Go Strange after the jump (if you dare)