I’ve seen this posted a few times on Facebook and thought “Eh, I’ll get around to it. It can’t be that good.”
It’s that good. And the entire thing is written in question format. That’s usually obnoxious — true — but I just picture Pete Wells standing in front of Guy, genuinely perplexed and rattling off questions.
I mean…
What accounts for the vast difference between the Donkey Sauce recipe you’ve published and the Donkey Sauce in your restaurant? Why has the hearty, rustic appeal of roasted-garlic mayonnaise been replaced by something that tastes like Miracle Whip with minced raw garlic?
And when we hear the words Donkey Sauce, which part of the donkey are we supposed to think about?
This is must-read material. I really want to go there just to see how horrible it is, but ain’t nobody got forty bucks to just randomly spend on an assuredly awful experience.
You are the worst person ever. You live three floors above me and you are BLASTING your stereo system so loudly I can hear it in my living room above everything else. That’s highly inconsiderate, but what really puts the cherry on top…
YOU HAVE THE WORST TASTE IN MUSIC.
One Direction “That’s What Makes You Beautiful”
Katy Perry “Teenage Dream”
Nikki Minaj “Pound the Alaram”
Rihanna “Where Have You Been?”
The Wanted “Chasing The Sun”
And in that order.
Either you’re a 13 year old girl or a 25 year old gay man dancing around in pink bikini briefs. Either way, you are ::thisclose:: to making me commit a hate crime. I’m about to lose it.
We had a little winter storm yesterday/last night. A mini-nor’easter made its way through the NYC area and The Weather Channel has been calling it Athena. Last October they said they were going to start giving names to winter storms the way hurricanes get named because, in all truthfulness, they can be just as damaging and paralyzing to a region.
I would like to dedicate this song to the one week that has passed between our hurricane and our nor’easter.
Get your shit together, climate change. This is not the business.
(Also: The most awkward guy in the world is always the singer in the band who doesn’t play guitar and has to stand there and bop around while the guitarist sings for awhile. Like, pick up a tambourine or something dude.)
We basically had a blizzard last Halloween and then a hurricane this one. Either god is mad at the gays — because NYC is so gay and all — or global warming is an actual thing that we should pay attention to.
I love girls who look like boys.
