rafi-dangelo

Today in South Carolina: This old lady went door-to-door selling porn.

I guess porn is the new Tupperware for upstate South Carolina. Or maybe the Avon ladies are picking up a side hustle.

A Gaffney woman said she was in a bind and needed some quick cash when she decided to go door-to-door selling pornographic videotapes.

Jeanette Ellis, 52, said she found a box of dirty movies on her street, and watched a few of them before she hit the streets.

This one time I really wanted to punch an old black lady dead in the face.

So this woman got on the subway to preach today.

Lucky me! I love that!

Some old people really need to get hit though, messing up my whole day like that.

My granny’s 100th birthday is tomorrow.

I get to hang out with a lot of my family I never see.
Which also means I get to hang out with a lot of old black southern people.

Questions I need to prepare answers for:

You got any kids?
You married?
You got a girlfriend?
You live in New York? Ain’t that expensive?
You got a church up there?
Is that all your hair? When you gonna cut it?
What’s that thing in your nose? Did it hurt?

I’m sure I’m missing some. I just wish I’d had the foresight to make a t-shirt that says “I’m an atheist who partakes in gay sex” so nobody would come talk to me.

Maybe I can find some liquor in this house to shove in my coat or something…….

Watch this video.

Watch this man cook Rice-a-Roni.

The only way this could be sadder is if Sarah McLachlan showed up to put a one-eyed kitten in that microwave. I never thought a bowl of rice would make me want to go reevaluate my entire existence.

4:05 pm • 12 February 2013 • Let's talk about what you think.
| random| old people| sarah mclachlan|

I’m spying on my neighbors right now.

Not in a creepy way.

I’m just sitting at my computer and my little desk is under the window. I have to keep my window open because my furnace is permanently stuck on Fourth Layer of Hell. I closed my window and went to work one day, and I came back to melted Reese’s cups and my coconut oil for my hair starting to separate. Ridiculous. Anyway, the window is open and I can hear everything going on across the courtyard.

I started paying attention because I heard this old black lady voice holler, “I don’t care if it drop down to ya dick! It’s hot!”

Look at this photo.

The correct way to go to the gym.

Trust your elders.

(Source: hedgehogpincushion, via koalainchicago)

12:10 pm • 14 January 2013 • Let's talk about what you think.
| old people| booze|

The subway has all of the worst people on it.

I might be one of those people because I got into two arguments on the train this weekend. It wasn’t even the same train ride, so I can’t say I was just in a bad mood that day. It’s just really cold and I’m cranky and I don’t have time to deal with rude folks and their attitudes right now.

Look at this photo.

Little old ladies don’t have to be greeters at the local Wal Mart anymore. Introducing: ATM SECURITY!

Grandma is not playing any games. ”I dare you to try to mug somebody. I double dare you. Here, have a hard candy.”

(Source: tastefullyoffensive)