I’m not sure if everyone is aware or not, but there are a lot of people in this world who like to put things up their butt. Some of those things are appropriate, and some of them most decidedly are not. Please answer this quick multiple choice question:
Of the following, which of these is not suitable for putting up your butt?
Not that I ever ate Swiss Rolls anyway, because pre-packaged baked goods make me poot, but now everytime I go to the bodega for a sandwich, I will glance at the Swiss Rolls and think “penis.” I guess it’s not that much different from being in junior high when every cylindrical object made me think “penis” but I digress.
Andrew Wardle was born without a penis and now he’s finally gonna get one.
And this is coming straight from the mouth of an ex-gay porn star, so it must be true. He’s an expert. Joseph Sciambra is familiar with both massive amounts of anal sex and Jesus, so if he says Satan is waiting in your bootyhole, then Satan is waiting in your bootyhole.
Some schools get new computers in the library. Some schools get new bleachers for the gym. Some schools get new equipment for the science lab. Philadelphia schools are done with that. After Christmas break, students in 22 Philadelphia public schools are coming back to classes with brand new free condom dispensers!
Where were these when I was in school? I used to get a Mountain Dew and a Reese’s every day from our vending machine. Imagine how much fun I could’ve had with free condoms! (making water balloons of course, because the only other gay person I knew when I came out was deeply closeted yet still smelled like Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds and had inch-long fingernails).