I’ve been waiting for this all my life. You *know* I can’t get all this hair into those ugly ass-helmets. Nevermind the fact that my ‘do will be all squished up and junk for hours after taking it off…
What the FUCK does anybody need with fucking FaceDamnBook if we can’t secretly see how many of our exes got fat? Or if that random straight guy who added you after some party has tacky shirtless pictures? Or if Kashawna has found new ways of taking pictures of her ass in the mirror?
Apparently, none of these people have seen a computer before.
Or.
Apple people are weird and creepy and the most exciting thing in the world is the release of a new Mac.
I almost feel bad for that laptop. I want to put a shawl around it and whisk it away from those culty men and their cameras. Yes, men. Find a woman in that group please. Other than the Asian woman because they’re just permanently attached to cameras.
This is as close to sex as any of those men are likely to get all year.
Professional body piercer Dave Hurban is a man attached to his iPod. Literally.
Hurban, 21, who works in a tattoo parlor in Newfield, New Jersey, implanted four metal studs in the skin of his wrist and secured his iPod to them magnetically.
…
Wow.
Further proof that New Jersey and/or the Cult of Apple breeds an especially dedicated brand of douche.
I guess Android phones just got some app that iPhones already had and this is tech news or something. And of course all of the iPhone users are all “oh you just got that? I been had that! Hahaha you late! #TeamiPhone!” Just the whole culture of “I Love My iPhone” is kind of obnoxious.
Full disclosure: I really don’t know what Google’s new privacy policy means. I just don’t have time to know everything about everything. Jeez.
From a little cursory browsing on the subject, my understanding is that after their new policy, Google takes everything you’ve ever searched for and assigns it to your online identity represented by Google and Youtube. Could be harmless recipes. Could be you look up a lot of gangrape porn. Either way, I just haven’t decided if I want all of that info readily available on some server somewhere. I mean, what if I run for President one day and somebody finds out about that ONE TIME we got high and looked up “anal prolapse”? (Don’t do that, btw.)
Anyway…if you opt out now, whatever you do online just assigns itself to some anonymous identity. But if you wait, you can’t opt out without abandoning Google altogether. It’s really easy and takes less than two minutes though.
Watch this video.
