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Migrant children at the border, a breakdown.

This could be an assumption on my part, but I feel like there’s a lot of confusion around what is actually happening at detention centers, where they come from, what they’re for, etc. I was unclear, so I assume a lot of people are unclear, but we all have the same basic opinion — it’s wrong to keep people (esp. children) in cages. So, I wanted to make a quick breakdown so we all know what happens to kids who come to the border alone, kids who come with their parents, and the differences between those situations under Obama and now under Trump.

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This could be an assumption on my part, but I feel like there’s a lot of confusion around what is actually happening at detention centers, where they come from, what they’re for, etc. I was unclear, so I assume a lot of people are unclear, but we all have the same basic opinion — it’s wrong to keep people (esp. children) in cages.

So, I wanted to make a quick breakdown(***) so we all know what happens to kids who come to the border alone, kids who come with their parents, and the differences between those situations under Obama and now under Trump.

A child at the border with their family, under Obama.

Most children cross the border with a family member, usually a parent. When they’re captured by ICE or head to an immigration center or port of entry, they’re either illegally crossing the border (“we just want to get into the US”) or they’re seeking asylum (“we’re running from a country where crime in our area is so rampant that either we or our kids are in immediate danger”).

The Obama administration actually established these family detention centers in order to keep children with their parents while their immigration requests were processed. (x) Back in 2013/2014, the US saw a spike in foreign nationals crossing the border illegally and the Obama administration was not prepared for the overflow. So, they set up these facilities that…weren’t great. Many of them violated a previous statute (the Flores agreement) concerning how and for how long migrant children could be detained.

A compromise of sorts was made called the Alternatives to Detention program, which technically still exists under Trump. Instead of holding a family, ICE would release the family under strict monitoring requirements, sometimes in the form of an ankle monitor on one of the parents (mom, most of the time). The family could stay together while their immigration case was processed but they wouldn’t be locked up in a detention facility. (The Trump administration is now using this program to deport instead of simply to track.) (x)

Asylum seekers tended to be treated better than everyone else. If you’re running from threat of violence or death, you and your family were more likely to be kept together and/or released under the Alternatives program. For everyone else, they were more likely to be held in a detention center and prosecuted for the crime of crossing the border illegally, but since that was a violation of the kids’ rights according to Flores, more of those families would be separated to get the kids out of those centers and into homes with another relative or foster situation while their parents’ cases progressed.

There’s also a general practice that kids under a certain age aren’t separated from their families. If you’re under five, they do everything they can to keep the family together until some kind of resolution is decided.

A child at the border alone, under Obama.

These kids are almost always seeking asylum because parents don’t send their minors on a dangerous journey hundreds or thousands of miles just for the heck of it or just because America is “the land of opportunity.” They send their children away from danger toward safety. These kids are almost always older children because parents don’t send their young kids on a dangerous journey without them.

Those children end up in family detention centers (the ones with the cages) — for no longer than three days — and then transferred to a shelter facility until they can be placed with a family member, sponsor, or foster home. A lot of these children have some kind of contact in the US, though sometimes that contact is also an undocumented immigrant. The Office of Refugee Resettlement takes care of unaccompanied minors and the ORR is part of the Department of Health and Human Services, not the Department of Homeland Security which is over ICE. Since ORR has no relation to ICE, they don’t care about the immigration status of the person who comes forward to claim any of those children. They just want to make sure the child is safe and ideally with someone they know. After the child is settled, they do a few checkins to make sure everything is okay, and then they’re on their own.

Summary – Obama

Republicans are not wrong when they say these detention centers operated under Obama, but they mischaracterize them by making it seem like it was the law or even common policy to separate families from their children. Every effort was made to keep families and children together, though the centers themselves were under heavy criticism at the time because it’s inhumane to keep people in cages.

A child at the border with their family, under Trump.

Children are stolen from their parents as a matter of routine, and there’s no other way to say it. They’re taken away while parents are told that the kids are just going to receive a bath. The parents don’t know that they may never see their child again and they don’t know where their child is going. Officially, “tender aged” children (kids under five or so) are supposed to be kept with their families, but we have infants under one year old being taken away from their parents even when that parent is seeking asylum. (x) There’s no compassion or humanity being employed here at all, as we saw last night when one of Trump’s former minions “womp-womped” about a little girl with Down’s Syndrome being taken away from her parents. (x)

Families can also request asylum to be kept together while their case is processed, but that hasn’t been working recently either.  There’s a lawsuit right now (Ms. L v. ICE) where a 7 year old girl from the Congo was taken from her mother even though the mom requested asylum. (x) The Trump administration is using the Flores agreement and policies in place under the Obama administration to say that they are legally required to separate children from their parents, and that’s simply not true because the Obama administration made every effort to keep families together when possible. The Trump administration is making every effort to separate them.

Kids that are taken by immigration officials end up in a detention facility (the cages) before ORR places them in a shelter to ostensibly be passed along to a relative, sponsor, or foster. Under Obama, most of the kids being sent to ORR for placement were older kids over 13 because those kids were unaccompanied minors. Now, since the Trump administration is taking kids and babies from their parents, ORR has to house younger children they weren’t previously equipped to handle. Some of the facilities have had to be updated quickly to handle small children and babies.

Trump’s new zero tolerance policy is what really kicked this into high gear in May, not anything under the Obama administration. Zero tolerance means that we don’t care why you came, you’re going to be treated as a criminal for illegally crossing the border. (x) Never before did we prosecute first-time asylum seekers, but now, everybody is the same and then maybe we’ll figure out why you came.  So, the kids are separated from their “criminal” parents – because they can’t be left in their care when the parent is being prosecuted by the federal government – and the parents are placed in lockup. The kids are placed in a different lockup. Up to 90% of parents are having their children taken away from them, and the rest of those are mothers who are going with their kids to the family detention facilities.  The other parents are going to adult jails to wait on their cases to be processed, which can take four to six weeks. Meanwhile, they can’t get in touch with their kids, don’t know where their kids are, and may never see them again because some of these parents are being deported without their children.  The children are now under the care of ORR and the process to release them back to their parents is so complicated and convoluted that it sometimes depends on the child to prove that their parent is their parent. We have five-year-olds — under stress — being asked their parents full names and dates of birth in order to be released back to those parents before mom & dad are deported.  And a lot of them can’t do it, so now they’re “unaccompanied minors” dumped into the foster system. (x)

So why don’t we give the kids IDs?  Well, the Department of Homeland Security gives them an alien ID number or wristband, and then turn them over to ORR (the Department of Health and Human Services) which sends them to temporary housing in places like NYC (this morning someone caught video of migrant children entering and leaving a foster care in East Harlem).  Meanwhile, the parents are still the responsibility of Homeland Security and being sent to jails to await immigration trials in other cities.  You have two different government departments keeping track of different family members in different cities — it’s a complete mess.

A child at the border alone, under Trump.

Nothing has really changed on the front end — they go to ORR – but now ICE is getting involved in the placement of the kids.  Whereas before, ORR never cared about the immigration status of the adults coming to pick up the kids, this administration wants to extend the background checks to immigration status, which will obviously deter many undocumented adults from retrieving their nieces, nephews, grandkids, kids of friends, etc. who were sent here alone to escape the violence of their home country. They won’t step forward to collect the kids because they might be deported, which means there are more kids who have nowhere to go when they get here. (x)

Summary

Trump took a complicated situation and made it more stressful with a zero tolerance policy toward all immigrants crossing the border. The Obama administration had a system in place that had a lot of faults — detention centers being the biggest one, obviously — but they operated from a place of doing what’s best for the children, even when misguided.

See, the reason why Obama was deaf to the criticism brought against his centers was his view that having women and children (or children alone) being sent to these “jails” with the cages would be a deterrent for other families who considered sending mothers with kids (or kids alone) to the US. He said the journey was dangerous for them and he wanted to staunch the flow of immigrants. Basically look what awaits you when you get here — it’s not great, stay where you are because his reading of the facts at the time was that the journey was more dangerous than the situation they were running from. Obviously that’s the wrong tactic because, even if your kid ends up in a cage for a few days, it’s still better than the rape or murder you’re trying to protect them from or the arduous journey ahead of them. (x)

The Trump administration wants to keep everybody out. If you come here — I don’t care who you are or your situation — your kid will be stolen from you and then you’ll be deported and never see them again. Asylum doesn’t matter. Family doesn’t matter. Age of the child doesn’t matter. We are going to separate you, put your kid in a cage, and then send you back to where you came from without your child.

As I was writing this, Trump says he’s going to sign some executive order to stop separation of families at the border (x), but it’s not even needed. They’ve created a narrative where Obama forced the separation of families, Trump is simply following the law, the Democrats refuse to change that law, and now Trump will swoop in with his pen to keep those families together. Trump thought he could leverage forced separation against getting funding for his wall, but even the Republicans in Congress didn’t go for it, so he’s stuck with this massive problem that he created in order to look tough on immigration.

Sidenote about missing children.

A few weeks ago, different numbers went viral concerning the number of missing kids that had been lost by the government after crossing the border. The number has always been misleading, but this is a good time to remind you that there were two separate groups of kids initially – unaccompanied minors and kids separated from their families.  The unaccompanied minors were taken in by ORR and then placed. And that’s it. We don’t always keep track of them after that because they’ve been picked up by a friend or family member or they were placed with the person they came to meet. You don’t actually want more government oversight here because it will lead to a lot of deportations under this administration.  Once the kid is safe in a home, we don’t need to follow their every move.  We don’t actually know where they are, but they’re not missing as characterized by all the viral posts.

The kids who are missing are the ones forcibly separated by ICE and then lost. When ICE separates a family, some of them go to ORR and then placed and then we longer keep track of them. Some of them are legitimately lost and end up in terrible situations like sex trafficking. That is the part that needs more oversight – where are the kids going when they leave ICE.

There is a third – smaller – group of kids that are placed by ORR that we can’t find and that’s because the people they were placed with don’t always want any further contact with the government. When ORR calls to check on the whereabouts of a kid, they just call. If no one answers, then the kid isn’t found. That missed call could be the result of changing a phone number, moving, or undocumented immigrants who don’t want to talk to the government any more than necessary. So, we don’t know where those kids are exactly, but they were most likely released to the care of a family member initially and they’re probably still fine. (Probably isn’t the ideal situation, but I’m of the notion that it’s still better than having ORR work with ICE to keep track of every child indefinitely.) (x)

Unfortunately, this administration has now classified all of the kids the same way, so it looks like the kids lost by the Department of Homeland Security are the same as the kids who are just no longer being tracked by the Department of Health and Human Services. They’re not the same though. Some were lost by the system and some were released by the system and left alone to live their lives in the care of whoever they were released to.

(***) This ended up not being a quick breakdown.  My bad.)

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Don’t worry about the Supreme Court.

We can’t stop whatever will happen, but we can mitigate the damage if we flip the Senate and put Biden in the White House.

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From what I can tell on The Internets, America has suddenly been thrown into complete chaos and her very future is now in question because a 90-year-old lady “unexpectedly” died after 47 brushes with cancer. As a natural cynic and charming pessimist, I agree! The United States is circling the drain…but we were already doing that anyway. At any rate, I have calmed myself down by mulling over all of the possible scenarios that may arise over the next few months, because even if all of the outcomes are terrible, I feel better if I know what they are. This is what I’ve come up with, from best case to worst case.

Cheetolini decides not to put forth a nominee, loses the election.

As of this morning, President Velveeta was was still telling the country he plans to nominate someone, most likely a woman, most likely this weekend, about a month before the election. However! He is a perpetual liar, and a self-serving, world class sack of shit. Most of the Republican Establishment wants a nominee and a quick confirmation because that will give us the most Conservative Supreme Court in decades, and with a 6-3 split, they can outlaw abortion, gay marriage, and all happiness for the next generation.

Pumpkin Spice Putin is not part of the Republican Establishment. He’s a lone wolf who only cares about himself, and if the wrong (right!) person whispers in his ear that dangling a nominee is better for him politically, he would probably go that route. It’s perfectly logical: Elect me again, and I’ll nominate this conservative judge and hand over the Supreme Court to the GOP for the next 20 or 30 years. It’s a good strategy considering he has nothing to brag about right now. Then we beat him in November, and the problem is solved.

The nominee doesn’t make it to a vote or isn’t confirmed, and Adolf Twittler loses.

Not making it to a vote and not being confirmed are slightly different but still dependent upon the same handful of Senators who pretend to be a smidge more independent from the rest of the Republican Party. Back in Obama’s term, Mitch McConnell and Matroness Lindsey Olin Graham Devereaux Sugarbaker said the President shouldn’t be able to seat a Supreme Court justice during an election cycle. They are liars, and no amount of shaming them for their hypocrisy will matter, so please stop wasting your breath on this. If you want something to pay attention to, keep watch on which Senators have now said — since RBG passed away — that they still believe that. As I’m writing, this is the count:

You can keep up on the Washington Post, but Democrats need four Republicans to withhold their support in order for the vote to fail. Right now there are two confirmed and one maybe with 29 yet to speak on the topic. Hopefully Mitt Romney will find that backbone he pretended he had a few months ago and do the right thing.

There’s a confirmation, but we take the Senate and Biden wins.

Republicans don’t have principles, so I’m not counting on four of them to actually block the nominee. If Biden wins and we pick up the Senate, we could pack the court and make the newest Conservative windbag useless. If Uncle Joe wins, we only need to pick up three Senate seats to take power because Kamala will be the tie breaker. The reelection landscape is a great map for us this year, because the Blue seats up for reelection are pretty solid and there are fewer of them. There are a lot of Red seats, and a good number have started to lean Blue or fall into the tossup category.

Nothing in the Constitution says we have to have nine Supreme Court justices. We’ve had between five and ten. The last President to seriously attempt to expand the court was FDR, but he was met with a lot of resistance even within his own party and he failed.

That was then, and this is now. Democratic voters are tired of being represented by politicians who won’t even bust a grape in a fruit fight. Republicans come armed with assault rifles and we show up with one boxing glove from the early 60s with moth holes in it. We are ready to replace them with people who will actually do their jobs and they know that, which is why they’re already floating the idea of packing the Court if McConnell successfully pulls off this power grab. Biden is on record from a long time ago saying it would be a bad idea to pack the Court and Conservative Democrats say it sets a bad precedent, that whichever party is in power will just alter the Court and it will no longer be a stable, non-political institution, but screw all of them. It’s time to actually play the game, or get off the field.

There’s no confirmation and we take the Senate, but Biden loses.

In this case, everything I just wrote applies, except Kim Jong Ugly vetoes whatever act we pass to expand the court. We’d need a two-thirds majority in both chambers of Congress to override him, and we just won’t ever have the numbers for that. We’re stuck with a 6-3 court for at least the next four years. If Stephen Breyer retires (and he definitely will), the Senate should block any nominations and just hold the Court in place until 2024 when we run somebody better than Joe Biden.

There’s no confirmation before the election, Mango Mussolini wins, and we don’t take the Senate.

There’s a confirmation, the Fanta Fascist wins, and we don’t take the Senate.

Those Senators who don’t believe an outgoing President should seat a Supreme Court judge would then vote to confirm if Biden loses in November. There is a scenario where he wins, but we take the Senate, and those Senators say “the people have spoken, and their Senators should decide who the next judge is” but we already know that’s not going to happen. The Supreme Court will be 6-3. Breyer will retire (or retire) and the Supreme Court will be 7-2.  In that case, you will find me in Sweden with my new husband or wife who says my dark skin is “exotic” and I’ll just deal with the fetishization for however long it says on the pre-nup before I can get a divorce and enough money to live on.

But seriously, if you want to do something, save your energy for what matters. You can’t shame a Republican Senator into sticking to what they said five minutes ago, let alone four years ago. Whether or not there’s a confirmation is completely out of your hands, so don’t worry about it. Let that go. We’ll get a sixth Conservative judge by November, or we won’t. You can’t do anything about it. What you can do is prevent a 7-2 Court by focusing on the Senate races that could flip Blue. What you can do is work for a 13 seat Court by focusing on those races and making sure Biden wins in November.

Mitch McConnell will win his race. Stop giving AmyMcGrath your money. Focus on the Democratic challengers in these six races:

Mark Kelly, Arizona
John Hickenlooper, Colorado
Theresa Greenfiend, Iowa
Sara Gideon, Maine
Steve Bullock, Montana
Cal Cunningham, North Carolina

We can’t stop whatever will happen, but we can mitigate the damage if we flip the Senate and put Biden in the White House. So let’s focus on that part.

And now, I’m off to hit these Swedish lessons on Duolingo because this whole country finna be on fire the day after the election regardless of who wins anyway.

 

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The DNC won’t add weed and healthcare to the platform.

The United States is not a democracy.

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The Democratic National Committee has been voting on the 2020 platform, and if you’ve been mystified (and upset!) about the outcome, you’re not alone. You would think that in a democracy, if the majority of people want something, our delegates and elected officials would speak on behalf of the people work to make that something come to fruition.

Unfortunately, the United States is not a democracy.

Marijuana

Marijuana is legal in 11 states and the District of Columbia. Across the country, grassroots organizations are working to decriminalize and legalize marijuana because there is no reason for it to be classified as a Schedule I drug alongside heroin and bath salts. Nobody ever ate a face high on marijuana. The continued vilification of marijuana is a holdover from the racist Refer Madness days of yore where lawmakers convinced everybody that Black men would smoke weed, turn into King Kong, and steal their white women. That racism never really went away. Who gets arrested for smoking weed and who doesn’t? Who is in jail for smoking weed and who gets to open dispensaries?

Given that history, it’s not a surprise that liberal-minded people have moved toward legalizing marijuana. In 1969, support for legalization was 12%. In 1977, it was 28%. Not much changed for the next couple of decades — support for legalization didn’t pass 30% until 2000. However, between 2000 and now, support has grown to 66%. A clear majority of Americans want marijuana to be legal, and among Democrats support is at 76%.  (Even Republicans have tipped over into the majority with 51%.)

The DNC voted against adding marijuana legalization to the platform.

Democratic National Committee delegates voted 105-60 against including marijuana legalization in the party platform on Monday.

The draft version of the platform supports decriminalizing marijuana use and legalizing medical marijuana, adding that it should be left up to the states “to make their own decisions about recreational use.”

The platform was unlikely to ever endorse full legalization, since Joe Biden, the presumptive nominee, does not back the policy. He supports federal decriminalization, which would take away incarceration for possession.

But Dennis Obduskey, a delegate who introduced the legalization amendment during the meeting of the DNC’s platform committee, noted that the current document is a step back from the 2016 platform, which supported “providing a reasoned pathway for future legalization.”

(cont. HuffPo)

A majority of the country wants legal weed. A hefty majority of Democratic voters wants legal weed. Biden does not want legal weed and the delegates fall in line behind him.

Medicare for All

Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a country where, if you got sick, you could go to the doctor without worrying about whether you’ll go bankrupt? In the middle of a deadly pandemic, wouldn’t it be great to be able to go to your local healthcare provider and ask for a coronavirus test without insurance? (We can do that here in NYC, but in many places in the US, you need insurance or you need to be an essential worker or both.)

The rest of the country thinks so too. 66% of voters support Medicare for All — that’s 46% of Republicans (because you know how they are) and a whopping 88% of Democrats. There aren’t a whole lot of things you can get 88% of a group to agree on, but clearly Americans who are voting Democrats into office want Medicare for All.

The DNC is not adding it to the platform.

Here’s my Sitting On My Beanbag Chair With No Expertise opinion. We’ve seen things like this happen before, where it seems a majority of us want one thing and our officials ignore that in favor of what’s good for them or their career. Our politicians are beholden to donors, so if we want more money for solar energy but the oil guy is paying for the campaign, we don’t get more money for solar energy. This doesn’t quite feel the same.

Instead, I feel like I’m being taken for granted, that my vote is a given, and the party and platform feels free to capitulate to the minority of loud, moderate, and reliable voters. I don’t have any insights to their actual process, so feel free to draw your own conclusions, but it looks to me that the DNC is playing the odds, and those odds are against the majority because most of us will in fact support the party even if the platform isn’t as progressive as we all want and deserve.

There’s no medicare and no weed, but I’m still going to do my best to make sure we get Democrats elected as opposed to Republicans. I’m not going to sit out, because there’s too much at stake. On the other hand, the moderates who would be upset by free healthcare and legal marijuana could in fact turn away, withdraw their support, and just sit at home. They’re not as upset at the direction of the country, so they don’t have the same fiery desire to make sure we do in fact get as many Republicans out of office as possible. Those moderates are older and they more reliably turn up to the polls. So the DNC looks at it and says, “here are these people who always vote and work for us who MIGHT NOT VOTE if we make changes, and here are these people who vote sometimes and they’ll work whether or not we make changes.”

And the only way to change those odds and that thought process is to actually show up. We go through this every couple of years and at some point it has to stick — young people, you have to vote. People who will be dead before you even throw out some of your spices are building the country you have to live in for the next 4 or 5 decades because you don’t vote. And the DNC makes undemocratic decisions like these, against the will of the majority, because the minority turns out over and over.

 

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No one cares about the lunch lady.

What’s going to be the mortality rate for cafeteria workers when schools reopen? 

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There are a couple of viral tweets going around painting Betsy DeVos as a callous monster for wanting to re-open the schools.

As far as I’ve been able to find, a doctor made that prediction, not Betsy, and I’m not even sure how he came to those numbers because the death rate for children under 18 is actually lower than 0.02%. Still, let’s be very clear. Betsy DeVos is definitely a monster, but she should be going viral because of the full scope of the picture, not one dubious figure.

The economy can’t reopen because there’s nowhere for children to go. Parents can’t leave their kids at home alone while they go back to work, so until they’re back in school, the country won’t start running again. That is the main concern for this administration.

The people who have the means to keep their children home away from public school are mostly white and mostly middle class. This is also great for DeVos because she doesn’t want those kids in school with poor and/or brown kids anyway.

A lot of teachers would rather retire or quit than go back to school next month, and that’s also great for DeVos because if public schools perform poorly, she can more righteously throw her weight behind the charter system she loves so much.

But Betsy DeVos and the whole lot of them are ignoring the lunch ladies.

I grew up in a very rural school district where my graduating class would have been around 80 people (I didn’t graduate with them though because I left for boarding school). I don’t remember the names of any of the janitors in any of the schools I went to growing up. The ones I can clearly build an image of in my mind were 40-year-old Black men, but they were in the background of my upbringing, neither praised nor maligned.

I don’t remember my first bus driver but she was a white woman with a long ponytail and a son named Brian who bullied me on the way home from school every day until I fought back. She kicked me off the bus and my mom had to pick me up for the rest of the year. My second bus driver a few years later was a cheerful Black woman. I remember a lot about her because she was also the computer teacher — that’s what happens in rural school districts, a lot of double duty. They were both in their 40s, but there were a few older bus drivers as well. My mom drove a school bus in her 60s just for something extra to do because she was tired of doing so much hair (she owned a salon). I don’t think anybody hated the bus drivers — except James Harris. I definitely hated James Harris because he was an asshole and I don’t care if anybody from my childhood is reading this. James Harris was an asshole.

One of the 3rd grade teachers went to high school with my mom and she was in her 40s when I came through. My 3rd grade teacher was almost 60 though. My 6th grade science teacher and 7th grade math teacher were both about 60 as well. The rest seemed old at the time, but they were generally under 40. Most of my teachers were nice women and I have pretty fond memories of them growing up.

I don’t have any fond memories of any of the cafeteria workers. They were mean old ladies who gave me nasty food. The square pizza would be burnt. The chicken rings would be rubbery.  I’ve never had chocolate milk that tastes like that outside of a school cafeteria. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich should actually have some jelly in it. And did I mention they were mean? Because they definitely were. When one of the Poor Kids didn’t have the quarter to pay for reduced breakfast, they didn’t get any food, and I felt like it was the mean old ladies’ fault. Lunch was a break from the day, but they would yell at us for just being kids. Why do we have to be so quiet?!

It’s not just me. The lunch lady is the most maligned adult from our childhoods. It’s hard to find nice cartoons about the lunch lady, but these are endless.

lunchladies1

lunchladies3

 

lunchladies4

lunchladies2

As an adult, it’s easier to look back at the cafeteria workers and stand in solidarity with what they go through. Most of those women have cooked for their families for decades. They know their way around the kitchen as much as any other 60-year-old Southern woman, but they were forced to feed us what was stipulated by the guidelines and the budget. They couldn’t give free food to the unfortunate and they didn’t make enough money to feed them out of their own pocket. They sometimes didn’t make enough money to feed themselves, and they’d be punished if they took leftovers (which are supposed to be thrown away per school district regulations, not taken home to feed your family). And if they were a little grumpy from time to time, they had the right to be. It’s a thankless job serving terrible food to children who disrespect you. Also, put yourself in this common scenario: You’re an older woman whose husband has been laid off or passed away, and you have to find a job with no work history. You can either greet at Wal-Mart or serve cold corn at the elementary school.

When schools open, kids will be spreading the coronavirus around like Skittles. As a general rule, children are disgusting germ factories. They’re always leaking and touching things and they’re mysteriously sticky at all times. And they cough like this:

cough

I don’t understand what a school day is supposed to look like. Disney went through all this work to make their park Social Distance Friendly and they’re requiring people to wear masks and the system is already breaking down, but how do you do that in a school? The desks are right next to each other and there’s no way to spread them out. How do you make a class of 25 wear a mask all day long when it takes ten minutes just to get them in a straight line to go to recess?

When the kids start to get sick, some of your children will die. The ones who don’t die will hop on a packed school bus and kill some of the bus drivers. They’ll walk by the janitor who cleans when the halls are mostly empty. They will sit in class all day with a teacher trying to hide behind a shield, but some of them will die too.

Then their midday reprieve from learning and breathing in a mask will be in the school cafeteria where they’re yelling at each other and spraying germs on the grumpy old lady serving the food nobody likes. She’s wearing a mask, but they aren’t. She’s wearing gloves, but they haven’t washed their hands well. She’s keeping her distance, but she’s stuck in that cavern of corona with recycled air for the 3 or 4 hours it takes for all the classes to have lunch.

What’s going to be the mortality rate for the lunch ladies?

 

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