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Hot Takes: The Lion King

Beyonce calling anybody else The Queen almost made me laugh. The sheer ridiculousness!

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— Start with the most pressing: Beyonce isn’t nearly as bad as I expected her to be, given her less-than-impressive acting in the past. She’s not the best in the cast and it’s a little distracting when adult Nala speaks because Bey’s voice is so distinctive, but she did the job fine.

— Beyonce as a singer does not work in this movie though because no one else is on her level! Why didn’t they get singers to sing if they *had* to have actors with a name doing the voices? I can understand (understand, not agree with) having Emma Watson sing Belle because you see her as Belle. I can understand all of those other actors singing their parts, because you see the actor and you want it to be seamless or whatever. But The Lion King is still an ANIMATED movie…and animated movies have a different person SINGING if the actor who was hired doesn’t have the best chops for that. Beyonce singing with Donald Glover? That’s. Never gonna match. Have Beyonce sing with Luke Bryan.

— Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen stole the movie. The only time I laughed (yes, I only laughed once) was during one of their scenes.

— Okay. I can’t figure why I hate this movie, because my criticism isn’t consistent. I can’t say the animals look “too real” because I loved Homeward Bound and Look Who’s Talking Too and Milo and Otis, which had REAL animals and voiceovers. I can’t say the lions look too fake, because I loved the animated Lion King. I think it’s because the suspension of belief isn’t there. In a Homeward Bound situation, we know the animals are actually doing what’s on screen and it adds to the cuteness and enjoyment. We know the animals in The Lion King have been animated, so there’s no cuteness. Everything is just so flat.

— I wish this was a Nat Geo “documentary” with the same storyline, but instead of voice acting, it was a narrator with a British accent giving us the story.

— Beyonce calling anybody else The Queen almost made me laugh. The sheer ridiculousness!

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Hot Takes: Eurovision Song Contest – The Story of Fire Saga

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1) Not a single cell in my body wants to watch a Will Ferrell movie that’s over two hours long. That man ain’t funny to me, so just take that into consideration as you read the rest of these thoughts.

2) “Volcano Man” is really what Icelandic music sounds like! The lyrics really do be all over the place like that.

3) Why couldn’t they have cast a 50 year old actress to play against Will? The characters are supposed to be the same age. I’m sure there are plenty of 50-year-old women who would’ve wanted that role. It’s not that important, but I’ll never not notice and be annoyed when the leading man is a decade older than his female love interest even when they’re supposed to be the same age!

4) Demi Lovato be hollering.

5) The big Eurovision Mashup in the middle felt like Pitch Perfect but not nearly as good, and that is a shame. And they were so serious about it too!

6) This movie is not funny. I think I laughed twice. If you know me, that’s not a surprise, but I don’t think most comedies are all that funny, but I was also half-drunk watching this movie and still didn’t laugh. If you can’t make me laugh full of vodka, what are we doing here?

7) I love Eurovision because it’s so over the top and ridiculous. I watch at least some parts of it every year, and even some of the individual countries’ qualifying competitions. The little performance parts were some of the best parts of the movie, but instead of just relying on the inherent camp of the chosen acts, they tried to up the comedic factor and make it more ridiculous. But it didn’t make it funnier — it just felt like they were making fun of the contest. Ion like det.

8) I guess if you like Will Ferrell you can watch it, because it’s very much a Will Ferrell movie. Otherwise, skip it. There are so many other things to watch on Netflix right now.

9) One song “Husavik” is expertly crafted. It’s written to pull tears and emotion out of you the way Adele songs are written and it definitely has shades of “Never Enough” from The Greatest Showman. Skip the movie and just give that a listen, but I wish there was a version without Will Ferrell’s voice. I would probably put it on my 2020 playlist if he didn’t pop up and take me out of it.

Actually, I just listened to it again. I’m so ridiculously annoyed that he ruined an excellent song. It’s almost unlistenable.

eurovision

Score 2/10

 

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Hot Takes: The Hunt

I’m looking forward to Hilary Swank reclaiming her rightful place atop the list of Best Actresses of our Generation, even if that means stealing another Oscar from Annette Bening.

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1) I saw this trailer when I saw Invisible Man and I thought it looked ridiculous, so obviously I wanted to see it. It’s beyond ridiculous. I haven’t seen a bigger shitshow in ages.

2) I’m looking forward to Hilary Swank reclaiming her rightful place atop the list of Best Actresses of our Generation, even if that means stealing another Oscar from Annette Bening.

3) Wax on wax off! Hilary Swank can still kick ass! I don’t think I’ve seen a longer fight scene since Kill Bill.

4) I don’t usually enjoy movies where I have no one to root for, but I was pretty invested in these morally bankrupt humans from beginning to end.

5) I also don’t usually enjoy movies where you have to draw your own conclusions, but  the ending didn’t upset me.

6) This who’s who of actors you kind of recognize is pretty impressive. Anytime a new character came on the screen, we were like “oh hey isn’t that…you know…that guy from that show…you know the one…”

We rarely figured out who the person was, just that they looked familiar. Except the bully from Boy Meets World — I clocked him immediately.

7) I haven’t read any reviews, but the aggregate scores weren’t all that great so I’m assuming it wasn’t a critical darling, but I think it works pretty well as political satire. You could watch the movie through a lens of “The Right is bad and the Left is equally bad” which would understandably piss you off if you were a normal, decent human being, but I think that’s the wrong interpretation. I saw the movie not as a pronouncement on the beliefs of either side but moreso commentary on how terrible tribalism is and how it can blind extremists of either faction. I left with the sense that Liberals are still better than Conservatives, but Liberals with a blind allegiance to their set of beliefs can also do terrible things in the course of moral righteousness. Your feelings about the movie will probably depend on whether you agree with that premise or not.

8) The first 15/20 minutes are so exhilarating! Watch it in a group so you can yell together. It’s ridiculous in a very excellent way.

the hunt

Score: 7/10

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Reminder: All the big cats in Zootopia can get it.

Especially the fat gay cop who obviously has great snacks and cuddles the best.

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zoo1

Bus Zaddy might be taking public transportation but I know he has good credit and is just saving the planet.  Husband material tbh.

zoo2

Mayor Dickmedownpls probably never empties the dishwasher but I will still cornrow his hair tho.  He prolly talks dirty and leaves a lil bruise.

zoo3

Officer Thickums said fuck a sit-up, I only sweat on the way to a nut like a power bottom at Ptown bear week. And then we play video games.

zoo4

Circuit gays who skip leg day are kind of a nightmare, but let’s be honest, I did grow up on Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher so…

 

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