Y’all remember Taina? With one of the best theme songs Nickelodeon ever produced?
The other day I was randomly googling different things, as one does when they are unemployed and eating whole cheesecakes at a time, when I stumbled upon Maritza’s twitter.
Maritza Refresher, for the uncultured:
Beyonce is shaking! Whitney is rolling over in her grave! Queen of vocals!
And the environment!
If — for some reason! — you are not saving your old cooking oil in a coffee can on the stove or a fancy metal canister with GREASE stamped on the side, you have to dispose of it somewhere and there aren’t any great options. It’ll clog your pipes or destroy your lawn. Maritza (real name LaTangela) fixed all that with Grease Bags, which are compostable bags that turn oil into “earth-friendly hydrocarbons.” (x)
Today I learned: Maritza is a businesswoman!
Watch: These Thai kids ate up this Lady Gaga song.
Give me kids with attitude in literally anything, and I’m 100% on board.
Good morning to these Thai children and ONLY to these Thai children.
Lost it when Gagas part came in 💀 pic.twitter.com/MpuFQ6xcbd— ♕ 𝖋𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖞 ♕ BLM (@FennyKrueger) July 4, 2020
And Granny! She did what needed to be done as well!
Chromatica ain’t really it for me, but the gays were crying and falling out all over Twitter when Stefani’s lil drizzly song with Mumbles McGee came out so I just be quiet. Let them have their lil joy or whatever. I’ll be over here streaming the actual pop masterpiece of the year instead.
However! You give me kids with attitude in literally anything, and I’m 100% on board. This 40 seconds is better than all of Drag Race All Stars 5, and the full video features some cameos from Drag Race Thailand, which is the superior franchise so far.
Now I have the energy to *get up and face the day!
(*continue scrolling through Twitter for another 17 hours)
Some stories about my kids.
Kids are funny and they always put me in a better mood.
I used to volunteer with kids at a women’s shelter 2 – 4 days a week and I would write down all the funny things they said. I was reading over some of them, and since everybody is stressed and upset, I figured I’d share some of my favorites today. Might compile some more as I go through my old blog…
Watch Out for Jesus
I don’t even know if I have enough Southern Black followers raised in the church to understand how hard I’m dying right now.
There is this little 5-year-old Black girl who just started coming to the shelter after school until her mom gets off work. I don’t know her life like that yet, but she MUST have some ooooooooold Southern Black grandparents in her life somewhere. Now, she’s supposed to be practicing her letters, and when I walked over there to check, she was just scribbling all over some paper. So I asked, “where are your letters?”
She said, “I’m finished.”
“Ok, so what are you doing now.”
She ain’t even glance up. She just said, “Jesus is watching, look busy.”
OMG I want to praise dance. I’m deadass bout to queue up this Gospel playlist real quick and get every bit of my atheist heathen life. She just took me back to Lancaster, South Carolina singing in the Old People Choir because my weekend babysitter was 80 and saved.
Old People Holidays
A few years ago, one of the volunteers at the shelter thought it was be cute to have some of the kids make Christmas cards and gather a few little stocking stuffers for the elderly patients at a nursing home nearby. So now it’s kind of a tradition we do the weekend before Christmas and I think it’s a good lesson for the kids: No matter what’s going on in your life, you can still put a smile on someone’s face and that’s a feeling you can treasure regardless of your circumstances.
Since I’m the artistic gay in the volunteer squad, I’m the unofficial Art Critic of Volunteer Holiday Cards, so some of the kids show me what they’re working on before it’s done. One of the little girls “Maria” is about 8 or 9, but she’s one of the many kids from the neighborhood that come to the shelter for homework help and afterschool programs as opposed to the kids who temporarily live there with their moms. She finished her card and brought it to me to look at.
Me: ‘Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!’ Nice handwriting Maria.
Me: [[opens the card]] OK I understand the snowmen, but what are the pumpkins for? And the hearts?
Maria: Read it!
Me: ‘Happy Valentine’s Day! Happy Halloween! Happy Fourth of July!’ Haha, why so many holidays?
Maria: Well they’re old so they might not get to the rest of the holidays.
I had her make another card.
Hell in a Handbasket
8 year-old boy: My mom says the world is going to Hell in a handbasket. What’s a handbasket?
Me: You know, I’m not quite sure really. I’ve never thought about it.
8 year-old boy: Is it anything like a picnic basket? Because if you have to go to Hell you should be surrounded by snacks.
These aren’t my kids but they are very cute and cute kids with personality give me peace. These are from a series of photos by UK photographer Emily Stein that she calles “Hairdo” where she wanted to capture the variety of Black kids’ hairstyles and encouraged them to come up with their own poses to show their personality.
Two of my kids are reading The Great Gatsby this summer.
One day I’ll have to teach her about prejudice but not today because A) she really took to the reading material and B) I’m too busy laughing.
*** I wrote this in 2014, but a thread on Twitter got me reminiscing about my years volunteering at the women’s shelter and how much I loved all those bad ass kids. I’m copying it from my old blog.
School starts back this week and two of the kids I help with homework (one is currently in the shelter with her mom and the other is her friend from the neighborhood) have the same reading assignment. Today I took some of them to the park with another volunteer for a little Labor Day picnic earlier, and I told them to bring their summer reading assignments so I could look them over.
Mary & Jane (names are made up) both had to answer essay questions about The Great Gatsby, but Jane’s was hella short and you could tell she didn’t really read the book. I asked her why and she said she was tired of reading about white people.
Me: How do you know they’re white?
Jane: They always white. And these are rich people in the 20s so I know they white.
Mary: Just pretend! Girl that’s what I do.
Me: You do?
Mary: Yea, the story is always better when it’s more colors. Like Tom? He Black. He look like NeYo. He kinda smooth but he got secrets.
Mary proceeds to lay out ethnicities and comparisons for EVERYBODY in the whole book.
Me: What about Daisy?
Mary: Oh she can stay white. She gettin niggas shot up and runnin over people with cars. That’s messy.
One day I’ll have to teach her the prejudice inherent in keeping Daisy white just because she’s messy, but not today because A) she really took to the reading material and B) I’m too busy laughing.
Let’s retire the roast for RuPaul’s Drag Race.
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