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Hot Takes: The Boys

Why are all their outfits ugly? Hire more gays next time. Use the ones who decided to make promos of Chace with a boner. That was good marketing.

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I don’t really know Erin Moriarty (Starlight) but she gives me big Kristen Bell vibes, in a good way.

Kudos to the casting director because every actor is really committed their character and I believe all of them. Props to Jennifer Esposito popping in too because I haven’t seen much of her since NCIS.

Hughie in the comics is based on Simon Pegg, so having Simon play the dad is great.

Y’all think this is a good show because it’s superheroes being bad and people dying violently, but the writing is SO BAD, multiple scenes make no sense, the whole series could’ve been 3 or 4 episode shorter, and characters make the most ridiculous decisions that don’t enhance the show at all and only make you go “why would you do that?”

Are there any male superheroes who are decent human beings?

The guy who plays Butcher should *never* grow a beard and I can’t remember ever saying that about anyone.

Why are all their outfits ugly? Hire more gays next time. Use the ones who decided to make promos of Chace with a boner. That was good marketing.

There’s nobody to root for and that makes the viewing experience a waste of time for me. If I don’t care who wins, I can’t get invested in the character, because whether they succeed or fail, live or die, doesn’t matter to me.

**** spoilers ****

Did Black Noir ever do anything? I know what/who he is from the comics, but what/who is he in the show?

They made Stillwell a woman (great, the comic was lacking in women) but then Homelander killed her, unlike the male version of her in the books. I don’t like that. I don’t like taking arguably the most powerful woman in the show, sticking her in the fridge for an episode to use her as a plot device to get to a man, and then doing away with her.

The Deep is beyond useless. How did he get into the Seven?

Episode 4 or 5 or 6 (somewhere in the middle) went ALL IN on the racial stereotypes for no reason. The only Asian in the cast is a dirty, mute, savage who goes running through an Asian nail salon, of all businesses. The only Middle Easterners we see in the whole series are hijacking a plane (and then in the finale, we see some more…as terrorists). The only Black man in the Seven is hooked on drugs (and eventually dies from them). It’s just lazy writing! We’ve seen all of that before. Do something else.

If Stillwell’s murder means Giancarlo Esposito gets promoted to main cast next season, I *might* watch it. Otherwise, y’all can have it.

4/10

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On Television

Hot Takes: Lenox Hill

Off the top of my head, I can’t think of a more engaging reality TV series and I hope they get a second season.

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1) Lenox Hill is a hospital on the Upper East Side that has a freestanding emergency clinic in Greenwich Village. A lot of people don’t know those are the same hospital organization, so I just wanted to put that out there.
1a) Beyonce reportedly rented out the 4th floor of the hospital to give birth to Blue Ivy.

2) I’ve watched Grey’s Anatomy for the past 37 years, and I care just as much about these doctors (if not more!) in just 10 episodes. This is excellent storytelling!

3) I had no idea the staff at Lenox Hill was so diverse. Two women of color basically run neuro research. The chief OB resident and her advisor are both Black women. The Black neuro guy is fine and I wonder if he’s married.

4) Amanda, the OB resident they cast, and her husband are ridiculously cute and I would watch a reality show with just the two of them. Her whole family is cute. At one point she talks about her privilege because she had two parents who could put her through medical school and I was like, “See? It’s so easy to admit that if you just own it. Why is it so hard for some people to admit that?”

5) There’s a Trump-supporting family from Tennessee. The white man actually has multi-colored dreadlocks and painted toenails. I wanted to throw a brick through my TV. I put that there without a spoiler because it’s the only part of the show that bothered me.

6) I’m not gonna say too much about it because it’s just great TV. If you like 1 hour medical dramas, you’ll like it. If you like “day in the life” reality shows, you’ll like it. If you like watching nice people help (mostly) nice people, you’ll like it. Off the top of my head, I can’t think of a more engaging reality TV series and I hope they get a second season.

7) The Chair and Vice Chair of neuro are the definition of hot rich daddy and I’m in love.

lenox hil

Score: 9/10

 

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The story behind Hottie and that microwaved chicken.

Why did a grown woman with a college degree think it was OK to microwave a chicken?

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Question: Should I — as a pro-Black person fighting for the betterment of my people — be talking about Flavor of Love in this, the good year of our Lord twenty-twenty?

Ha! Yes I should! That was a moment and we got ten good years of terrible dating/reality/competition shows just because a few women decided to debase themselves for a gremlin with 87 children. I could really sit here all day talking about my favorite moments, from Pumpkin spitting at New York to Deelishis singing that lil white Latina girl under the table to Saaphyri starting a chapstick line from a 15 second fight to that random girl who pooped on the stairs on national television.

But Schatar “Hottie” Sapphira and this damn chicken has remained one of the most inexplicable things I have ever seen on TV.

Until now!

I didn’t watch Rock of Love, so I don’t know who Lacey Sculls is, but she has a podcast where she gossips with some of the other girls from her show and others from the VH1 “…of Love” universe. She had Hottie on there and we finally got the scoop on why a grown woman with college degrees thought it was okay to microwave a chicken.

Do I buy that she was a vegetarian so she didn’t know how to cook chicken? I think so! Listen, I can cook better than the average person, but this time in lockdown has had me experimenting and trying new things. I can cook what I know how to cook, but there are so many things I would embarrass myself with if I had to do it spur of the moment in front of people.

Plus, I’m a 30-year-old Black person from the South and I *still* don’t fry chicken because I burn it or undercook it more often than not and that grease do be popping. It’s not worth it.

Either way, we finally have Hottie’s explanation of the situation and one of reality TV’s great mysteries can be put to rest. So the next time you think about raw chicken, you can think about Pumpkin’s brief foray into softcore porn instead.

schatar

 

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Hot Takes: Locke & Key

What an interesting premise! I’m into it! What a bad series! I’m so not into it!

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1) What an interesting premise! I’m into it! (I don’t know anything about the source material.)

2) What a bad series! I’m so not into it!

3) When the main adult character of your series is far more interesting and engaging to watch when they’re drunk, maybe you’ve run into a little problem.

4) Why do they let this child roam around with no supervision? He’s going to the hardware store, carrying around bear traps — that child needs a parent!!!

5) Everyone in this series is annoying. I wanted all of them to die if we’re being honest here.

6) I’m trying to find something good to say about it……okay here’s a thing. I like that all the little seeds planted throughout the series did make sense at the end and nothing really felt like it was there for no reason. After Game of Thrones, I’m supremely annoyed when I’ve been “told” to pay attention to something that doesn’t matter. Everything does in fact matter here, so that’s a plus.

7) Another plus: The acting is actually pretty good for YA. The dialogue SUCKS and it’s SUPER PREDICTABLE but everybody is believable in their roles.

8) I don’t know y’all — if you liked it, let me know why so I can try to understand. I 100% will not be watching the second season and I regret watching the first.

9) The actor who plays the Dad does that dumbass Serious Actor Growling All Of His Lines bullshit and it’s SO UNNECESSARY! Sir, you’re just talking to your kids before bedtime. Why are you growling? I’m so over that. Nobody talks like that in real life. I have literally never met a man who growls all of his words.

SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11) So if the lady just told y’all the only way to get rid of the demon was to lock it back in the well-house, why is y’all’s first idea to take the demon alllll the way back to the caves? That was literally just a plot device to get that girl hit with a bullet so the next season would be interesting.

12) Dad’s ashes really went through it!

13) If the Fear in Kenzie’s head only attacks things she’s afraid of (like Eden) why did it attack her brother? Is she afraid of him too? Or was it just more lazy writing to give Eden and Kenzie a bond?

14) Don’t name your autistic kid Rufus. It rhymes with Doofus and you are setting that child up for years of torment.

15) They really killed one Black man (the principal) and immediately replaced him with another Black man (the cop) and I’m tired of seeing that too.

16) If Dodge desperately wanted the Omega key so she could open the Omega Door, why didn’t she (as Kenzie’s lil friend, since she’s been cosplaying as him) do something when they were in the cave and the door was wide open?

17) I hated it.

Score: 3/10

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