Connect with us

Sex

Being visible on Bi Visibility Day.

There’s not a lot of space for openly bisexual men on the dating scene, but there’s even less space for bisexual men who don’t live in a heterosexual box most of the time. If you’re a bisexual man who reads gay, women don’t take you seriously and gay men invalidate your sexuality.

I wanted to say that on Bisexual Visibility Day.

Published

on

The first time I saw a penis that wasn’t mine or related to me, I was around 6 or 7 years old. If I was out and about with my mom on a weekend day, she would usually drop me off at the library (small town — tell the librarian I’m there, and tell me to stay in her eyesight) while she went to the post office or the hair store. Then she’d pick me up — with my new collection of books to read — and we’d either go to the movies or go bowl a few games, eat at our favorite fish restaurant (order some to-go for Dad or to eat for breakfast with grits the next day) and then head home.

If I was out and about with my dad on a weekend day, we roamed around Home Depot or Lowe’s for approximately 73 hours, give or take. Then we’d go to some kind of cafeteria like K&W or a buffet place like Ryan’s, where I’d steal yeast rolls and put them in my backpack to eat later. Then we would go bowling, and after 3 to 6 games, we’d hit the pro-shop so he could talk to Big Jake about bowling balls and lane conditions for another 73 hours, give or take. He’d work up an appetite, so we’d stop at Waffle House on the way home.

None of that has anything to do with the rest of this post really. I was just thinking about my parents today and how nice my childhood was.

Anyway, my dad had surgery on his thumb when I was 6 or 7, so our weekend trips couldn’t include the bowling alley for awhile. Instead, we would go to the community center because they had a pool and a sauna. The first time I went into the locker room, I remember sitting on a bench while my dad and two of his friends had a conversation about something I don’t remember because I was eye level with approximately 73 dicks of various shapes, sizes, and hues, ya know, give or take.

From that point on, I wanted to see Every Penis.

World Book Encyclopedia – Volume P
National Geographic – remote tribes of wherever
Little League – standing at the trough peeing with your besties

When I was 8, I had my first crush on a boy. He had gotten held back a grade, so he was Older & Dangerous, and I thought about him constantly. I didn’t really understand what a crush was until I was older and saw boys & girls holding hands, and realized I’d wanted to hold hands with him, and I still wanted to hold hands with boys. By then, my schoolmates had already built a colorful repertoire of names to call me from Sissy to Faggot, because I was smart and flamboyant and I wasn’t into “boy stuff” like getting dirty or getting hurt.

When I was 11, I had my first crush on a girl. I met her on AIM in a chatroom and she happened to live just 25 miles away from me, in the largest town close to my tiny rural community of 400 people. It was the town where my parents bowled in a league 3 times a week, and when I told her the nights I would be there, she cooked up a plan to have her parents take her and her friends bowling on one of those nights. When I met her in person, I wanted to hold her hand. I was shy and a little awkward — I still am when I meet new people I have a crush on — but that meant I wasn’t as expressive as I was in school. My voice wasn’t as high. My hands didn’t move as much. She didn’t read me as a Sissy, because I was too uncomfortable to give that much of myself.

She had a cousin who was in my grade at my school, and at some point the two of them connected the dots and she realized the boy she met on AIM was the faggot at her cousin’s school, and I never heard from her again. (I did look her up on Facebook recently and her husband looks awful and gave her a gaggle of mean-looking kids with huge ears.) That same year, I had a crush on another girl who had quickly become one of my best friends after I officially came out in junior high school. We were in marching band together, and like any gay guy / straight girl Band Best Friend pairing, we always sat together on the bus to and from away games. One away game, she sat with another guy on the way there, a senior she liked. He didn’t pay her enough attention, and she sat with me on the way back. When she put her head in my lap, I cried because I realized there would always be boys she’d like, and none of those boys would be me. I’d just be the gay best friend she could sit with again. She caught me crying and asked me why, but I couldn’t tell her I wasn’t GAY-gay. Just a faggot who also liked girls.

I didn’t let myself like girls after that. I went away to boarding school, painted my nails every Wednesday, wore heels everywhere, and gave a blowjob to every guy who would accept my promise to not tell anyone. It would be nice if the community of guys familiar with being called sissies were accepting of a wider variety of mannerisms and gender presentations, but it was much harder for me to find gay men who would talk to me with my nails done than it was for me to find straight ones. So in college, I shaved my head, put on sneakers, started going to the gym, and traded my Delia’s croptops for Abercrombie & Fitch tanks, because I wanted a real GAY boyfriend, not a straight guy who just wanted a blowjob in secret.

I didn’t find one, but I did find another girl I wanted to hold hands with. I worked in the mall, and so did she. She came into my store, and I was smitten. I would talk to her whenever she came in on a break, and then I worked up the nerve to ask her out. She said (and this is a quote that I distinctly remember), “Uh uh. I don’t do that gay bisexual DL bullshit.” She said it with a laugh, like we were both in on a joke, but it wasn’t a joke to me. It was my visible faggotry, even through the Straight Costume of the 00s, once again making me wholly undesirable to women.

Eventually, she did succumb to our common interests, our similar senses of humor, and our attraction to each other, and she went out with me. The first time we hooked up on her kitchen floor, I was elated. She was disappointed in herself for having sex with a gay man. When she took me to a small gathering at her best friend’s house, I stood in the living room with a bunch of people I didn’t know, listening to her best friend yell at her in the bedroom about the dangers of dating a faggot.

“I know you know that nigga is gay, don’t you! Listen to his voice! I’m trying to save you from AIDS and shit!”

She never took me seriously as a partner. When I introduced her to my best friend, who said “oh it’s nice to meet his girlfriend! I’ve heard so much about you!,” my “girlfriend” laughed and said “Obviously we’re just friends.”

I’ve had sex with a lot of girls since then. Not counting the blowjob spree I went on in boarding school, I’ve been intimate with more women than men. Some of them have given me fake numbers, so I can’t call them after. Some of them have told me I was a safe, no-strings-attached hookup since I’m “basically gay so it’s not like feelings will get involved.” The last girl I thought I was dating insisted we use condoms every time, even though we got tested together, even though we had moved in together. She did not insist her very heterosexual, very masculine guy on the side use condoms as well, and when she had a baby by him, we broke up.

I haven’t had the same kinds of issues with gay dating that some bisexual men describe. I’ve never had a gay man tell me he can’t date me because I’m bisexual. Usually, if my sexuality is an issue between me and a gay man, the reason it doesn’t work out isn’t because he’s afraid I’ll leave him for a woman — it’s because he doesn’t believe I’m bi in the first place and he invalidates my identity. I’m not the Black DL Bisexual made popular by Oprah and E. Lynn Harris. I don’t hide my attraction to men from women, I’m not muscular, I don’t have kids, my life will not be ruined by exposing my sexuality, and nobody thinks I’m straight when I walk into the room. I wear dresses and call everybody Sis. When I tell a gay man I’m interested in that I’m bisexual, they can’t picture me with a woman, so they never make the audacious and inaccurate leap to “He’s going to leave me for a woman.” He negates my experience or assumes I’m actually gay or he makes jokes.

There’s not a lot of space for openly bisexual men on the dating scene, but there’s even less space for bisexual men who don’t live in a heterosexual box most of the time. If you’re a bisexual man who reads gay, women don’t take you seriously and gay men invalidate you.

I wanted to say that on Bisexual Visibility Day. A couple of years ago, I decided to be more “visible” about being bisexual. Some of your “gay” male friends are attracted to women, but they’ve been socially conditioned to ignore it because their social life is “gay” and their mannerisms are “gay” and we don’t allow “gay” men to express interest in women any more than we allow “straight” men to express interest in men without being categorized as “gay” forever. Centering the penis as the basis for sexuality is the problem and leads to every incorrect assumption perpetuated by a patriarchal society that can’t see past the dick:

Bisexual women are only into women because it titillates men.
Lesbians are only into women because they haven’t met the right men.
Gay men are into men because they were abused by a penis at some point.
Men who experiment with men are gay — 100% gay fullstop — forever.
Bisexual men are only into women because they can’t accept that they’re gay and they don’t want to be ostracized by their community of straight men.

All of these falsehoods center the heterosexual male penis as the foundation of sexuality and we have to let them go. 

We’re familiar with bisexual stereotypes, and hopefully everyone reading this is smart enough to ignore the stereotypes and misconceptions, but the bisexual (Black) man as fed to us by media and anecdotes is not the bisexual (Black) man I am. We’ll never be visible unless more of us insist on being seen. This is me. Let’s hold hands.

 

 

facebook.com/SoLetsTalkAbout/
twitter.com/RafiDAngelo
Email: rafi@soletstalkabout.com
Venmo: Rafi-DAngelo
CashApp: $RafiDAngelo
paypal.me/soletstalkabout

Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Sex

Porn has six weeks left on OnlyFans.

OnlyFans is kicking adult content to the curb in order to court investors.

Published

on

I’m so heated. This is so stupid and hypocritical and disrespectful.

OnlyFans is banning porn, the company announced today. It’s a surprise move meant to protect its partnerships with banks and payment providers. The platform will still allow creators to post nude photos and videos, but not any “sexually explicit conduct.” The change goes into effect starting in October.

The decision comes as the London-based company has reportedly been struggling to raise new funding, because investors are either cautious that it might be hosting content containing minors, or because they’re contractually prohibited from investing in adult content. But being a major platform for adult creators, OnlyFans risks alienating the very users who made it big in the first place.

(cont. Input)

Let’s rewind for a second.

David Karp founded micro-blogging platform tumblr in 2007. From 2007 to 2013, the platform exploded. It was a little bit Twitter and a little bit Instagram and a little bit LiveJournal, and the combination worked for a wide variety of users, from image-based creators to long-form writers. It made a large range of content easily shareable and searchable, and it was one of the big social platforms you would use to connect with others or to push your own voice out to the masses.

(And make friends! I just met one of my old tumblr followers at the beach this weekend after he recognized my roommate — hey Turner! xoxo)

In 2013, it was such a prized asset in the tech world, Yahoo! bought the company for $1.1 billion. And then everything changed.

Part of tumblr’s skyrocketing success was due to its unofficial home for creators of adult content. It wasn’t just filming yourself for X-tube or writing a story for Nifty, because the social component meant you could more easily interact with the people who enjoyed your content. Users had the freedom to create along with the ability to connect. It was a safe(r) space for NSFW fare aimed at and created by communities marginalized by mainstream porn.

Neither tumblr nor Yahoo! wanted to admit that a large part of the success of the platform was dependent upon adult content, so Yahoo! was not prepared to find a way to keep those creators. They wanted to grow the platform even more and push it further in a mainstream direction, and you cannot do that while hosting porn. There’s no PornHub download in the AppStore. You can’t show your pubes in your Grindr photo because it’s a mainstream app, and Google & Apple make the rules for censorship. Apple decides nudity is a no-no, so tumblr can’t have nudity on its platform. It’s that simple. Tumblr banned adult content, and a third of its users disappeared immediately. In 2019, just six years after the porn ban, this platform that had just sold for $1.1 billion at the beginning of the decade was picked up by WordPress for three million dollars.

So, this news from OnlyFans is only surprising in the sense that we already saw this happen to tumblr, so does OnlyFans think they will be different? This embarrassingly swift fall from grace happened to a platform whose brand identity was closer to Instagram than XHamster, and yet they completely tanked without porn. OnlyFans as a site is amateur porn.  That’s why we know about it! That’s how it makes cameos in pop songs and stand-up comedy routines. For all the porn that popped up on tumblr, it was still seen as a micro-blogging platform that happened to have adult content as well. Most people have no idea that OnlyFans is ever anything other than porn. That is their brand identity, so how do they expect to survive without adult content?

But I don’t care about businesses making bad decisions that will destroy their company. I could not care less about millionaires losing money. I’m upset because sex workers are once again being shit on by people who pretend adult content is dirty or sex is taboo or porn stars are less than. The vast majority of us are sitting here because our parents wanted to have sex and did so. Sex is the reason OnlyFans is even in a position to court investors and banks to give them more money, but they want respectable money now, so to hell with the sex workers who built the visibility of the platform in the first place. Everybody loves porn until it’s time to respect the people who made it.

All of the men involved with kicking porn off OnlyFans are hypocrites. Because we know they jack off. And we know they use porn to do it. But porn is still taboo because nobody wants to say they masturbate. We all masturbate. The fact that OnlyFans is so popular is evidence of that, so why is it so shameful to be associated with a company that facilitates arousal?

It’s so ridiculous and I can’t wait for OnlyFans to crash and burn as quickly as possible. Let me go find someplace else where I can tip the hotties for their good works. We are still in a pandemic. If you are getting railed on camera in the midst of Delta for my benefit, you deserve a couple of dollars at least.

EDIT:

I just read an article about the history of OnlyFans and I think it’s important to highlight that, unlike tumblr, OnlyFans was created specifically for sex workers. Timothy Stokely already had two adult oriented websites on his resume before he started OnlyFans. He saw Instagram users promoting their adult content which they’d then have to sell person to person. Stokely knew there was money to be made by creating a place where those creators could post their stuff instead of selling nudes in the DMs, and OnlyFans was born.

(How Did OnlyFans Start, Medium.com)

 

facebook.com/SoLetsTalkAbout/
twitter.com/RafiDAngelo
Email: rafi@soletstalkabout.com
Venmo: Rafi-DAngelo
CashApp: $RafiDAngelo
paypal.me/soletstalkabout

Continue Reading

Sex

Insider: OnlyFans seeks funding, plots to move away from adult content

Published

on

Adult-entertainment site OnlyFans is reportedly in talks to raise new funding at a valuation of more than $1 billion, sources familiar with the matter told Bloomberg on Wednesday.

The online platform, which charges users a subscription to view pictures and videos of celebrities, influencers, and adult-film stars, was teaming up with an advisor to bolster interest from investors, one of the sources told Bloomberg. The source wanted to remain anonymous because the talks were private.

The source also said the advisor was helping OnlyFans become a more mainstream online media site, and that it hoped to move away from its reputation for adult content.

(cont.)

Did everyone at OnlyFans forget how quickly Tumblr became obsolete after they banned adult material? And that was a *free* platform.

Does OnlyFans really think there are enough people who will “pay for access” to their favorite celebrities? When we’re living in an era with the MOST access to stars because they’re all posting social media every five minutes?

 

facebook.com/SoLetsTalkAbout/
twitter.com/RafiDAngelo
Email: rafi@soletstalkabout.com
Venmo: Rafi-DAngelo
CashApp: $RafiDAngelo
paypal.me/soletstalkabout

Continue Reading

Dating

“Happy anniversary to this great moment in incel history”

They all just wanna be Chad.

Published

on

He’s mad at her for not thinking he’s a hot enough Chad to swipe right on and also mad at her for engaging with him for being funny and interesting, despite the fact that he’s not hot. 🤣🤣

Incel rage at women is just misplaced jealousy toward hot men. They all just wanna be Chad.

If women are shallow for only going after hot, mean, alpha guys, but they’re ALSO shallow when you’re able to grab their attention for your personality, then the problem isn’t women! The problem is men wanting women to fall at their feet because women should be so taken with a man’s hotness and sexual prowess regardless of what that man looks like.

 

facebook.com/SoLetsTalkAbout/
twitter.com/RafiDAngelo
Email: rafi@soletstalkabout.com
Venmo: Rafi-DAngelo
CashApp: $RafiDAngelo
paypal.me/soletstalkabout

Continue Reading

Trending

%d bloggers like this: