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Hot Takes: Little Monsters

This is the best rom-com I’ve ever seen in my life.

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This is the best rom-com I’ve ever seen in my life. To be fair, the list of romantic comedies I love is very short. But still. A rom-com zombie horror movie that would work without zombies means the characters are believable.

Of course Australia — where everything in nature is actually trying to kill you — would have a zombie compound next to a children’s petting zoo.

These kids are SO GOOD! The lead little boy has great timing, but the other kids have such good lines and reaction shots. Filming a movie with kids is HARD. Filming a movie with kids while shielding them from the blood, gore, and foul language is even harder. They did such a good job.

Give Lupita all the awards. She shot this low-budget zombie flick after Black Panther because she wanted to do something different and she wanted to dip a toe into comedy. Lupita can do anything. The fact that this is only her 10th movie since winning her Oscar (while other actors shoot 3 to 5 a year) means she is selective and waits for good scripts. This is a good script.

Hitting kids is bad. Hitting other people’s kids is even worse. But sometimes………

I thought sagging your pants went out of style? For awhile, everybody did it, but I thought we let that die and now it’s back to just teens and 20somethings in neighborhoods that have a Malcolm X Blvd. Are straight white men still participating in that? In Australia? Like, whole ass just out above the belt?

Lupita’s poor wig.

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Hot Takes: Eurovision Song Contest – The Story of Fire Saga

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1) Not a single cell in my body wants to watch a Will Ferrell movie that’s over two hours long. That man ain’t funny to me, so just take that into consideration as you read the rest of these thoughts.

2) “Volcano Man” is really what Icelandic music sounds like! The lyrics really do be all over the place like that.

3) Why couldn’t they have cast a 50 year old actress to play against Will? The characters are supposed to be the same age. I’m sure there are plenty of 50-year-old women who would’ve wanted that role. It’s not that important, but I’ll never not notice and be annoyed when the leading man is a decade older than his female love interest even when they’re supposed to be the same age!

4) Demi Lovato be hollering.

5) The big Eurovision Mashup in the middle felt like Pitch Perfect but not nearly as good, and that is a shame. And they were so serious about it too!

6) This movie is not funny. I think I laughed twice. If you know me, that’s not a surprise, but I don’t think most comedies are all that funny, but I was also half-drunk watching this movie and still didn’t laugh. If you can’t make me laugh full of vodka, what are we doing here?

7) I love Eurovision because it’s so over the top and ridiculous. I watch at least some parts of it every year, and even some of the individual countries’ qualifying competitions. The little performance parts were some of the best parts of the movie, but instead of just relying on the inherent camp of the chosen acts, they tried to up the comedic factor and make it more ridiculous. But it didn’t make it funnier — it just felt like they were making fun of the contest. Ion like det.

8) I guess if you like Will Ferrell you can watch it, because it’s very much a Will Ferrell movie. Otherwise, skip it. There are so many other things to watch on Netflix right now.

9) One song “Husavik” is expertly crafted. It’s written to pull tears and emotion out of you the way Adele songs are written and it definitely has shades of “Never Enough” from The Greatest Showman. Skip the movie and just give that a listen, but I wish there was a version without Will Ferrell’s voice. I would probably put it on my 2020 playlist if he didn’t pop up and take me out of it.

Actually, I just listened to it again. I’m so ridiculously annoyed that he ruined an excellent song. It’s almost unlistenable.

eurovision

Score 2/10

 

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Hot Takes: The Hunt

I’m looking forward to Hilary Swank reclaiming her rightful place atop the list of Best Actresses of our Generation, even if that means stealing another Oscar from Annette Bening.

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1) I saw this trailer when I saw Invisible Man and I thought it looked ridiculous, so obviously I wanted to see it. It’s beyond ridiculous. I haven’t seen a bigger shitshow in ages.

2) I’m looking forward to Hilary Swank reclaiming her rightful place atop the list of Best Actresses of our Generation, even if that means stealing another Oscar from Annette Bening.

3) Wax on wax off! Hilary Swank can still kick ass! I don’t think I’ve seen a longer fight scene since Kill Bill.

4) I don’t usually enjoy movies where I have no one to root for, but I was pretty invested in these morally bankrupt humans from beginning to end.

5) I also don’t usually enjoy movies where you have to draw your own conclusions, but  the ending didn’t upset me.

6) This who’s who of actors you kind of recognize is pretty impressive. Anytime a new character came on the screen, we were like “oh hey isn’t that…you know…that guy from that show…you know the one…”

We rarely figured out who the person was, just that they looked familiar. Except the bully from Boy Meets World — I clocked him immediately.

7) I haven’t read any reviews, but the aggregate scores weren’t all that great so I’m assuming it wasn’t a critical darling, but I think it works pretty well as political satire. You could watch the movie through a lens of “The Right is bad and the Left is equally bad” which would understandably piss you off if you were a normal, decent human being, but I think that’s the wrong interpretation. I saw the movie not as a pronouncement on the beliefs of either side but moreso commentary on how terrible tribalism is and how it can blind extremists of either faction. I left with the sense that Liberals are still better than Conservatives, but Liberals with a blind allegiance to their set of beliefs can also do terrible things in the course of moral righteousness. Your feelings about the movie will probably depend on whether you agree with that premise or not.

8) The first 15/20 minutes are so exhilarating! Watch it in a group so you can yell together. It’s ridiculous in a very excellent way.

the hunt

Score: 7/10

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Reminder: All the big cats in Zootopia can get it.

Especially the fat gay cop who obviously has great snacks and cuddles the best.

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zoo1

Bus Zaddy might be taking public transportation but I know he has good credit and is just saving the planet.  Husband material tbh.

zoo2

Mayor Dickmedownpls probably never empties the dishwasher but I will still cornrow his hair tho.  He prolly talks dirty and leaves a lil bruise.

zoo3

Officer Thickums said fuck a sit-up, I only sweat on the way to a nut like a power bottom at Ptown bear week. And then we play video games.

zoo4

Circuit gays who skip leg day are kind of a nightmare, but let’s be honest, I did grow up on Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher so…

 

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