1) Stop what you’re doing — buy a ticket to go see this exhilarating rollercoaster of a movie. It’s not perfect, but it’s the best action movie you’ve seen since…maybe ever?
2) Two — not one but TWO!! — of my favorite fight scenes of all time are in this movie. How. I did not expect to be blown away by the action, mostly because DC movies make everything so gray and dull, but the cinematography and art direction are so top notch. And the fight choreography! Are there awards for that? The fun house fight scene is the most exciting fight scene I think I’ve seen since The Bride sliced up fiddy’lem suited warriors in a Tokyo restaurant.
3) Giving this another bullet, because the fight scene in the jail is the best pairing of action & song that I’ve seen in a long time (I think it was Halsey?!). And it looked so realistic! IDK if any of y’all saw Atomic Blonde, but the behind the scenes making-of clips on YouTube talked about how women-led fight scenes should be choreographed differently, because as a general rule they have less mass and less strength so they’re not going to bludgeon people to death with their fists the same way. There’s a lot of bludgeoning going on in the jail (and throughout) but it really felt like “this is the way a woman (or women) would take on an army of men if she had a steel baseball bat.”
4) Perfectly cast. Everybody hit their beats. Put Rosie Perez in more stuff. Margot Robbie is a star and I will literally watch her in anything. Jurnee Smollett did have a scene that took me straight back to Eve’s Bayou though because her face really hasn’t changed in 20 years.
5) Laxatives work way faster than that.
6) The team up is honestly so much more fulfilling than when we saw all the women in the same shot at the end of Endgame. Birds of Prey gave me the All Female Action Sequence I’ve been dreaming of. Plus, I personally like when multiple storylines converge in one climax, even if it’s mildly predictable.
7) I don’t love Harley Quinn as a character. When she gets smacked for being annoying, I feel that in my soul. My roommates both love the cartoon (whatever cartoon is the newest, idk, I watched like 1.5 episodes) but I just can’t get into her. Margot Robbie made me invested in her as a person about as well as anybody would be able to. I was actively rooting for her the entire time, even when she broke my heart.
8) This is one of the best movie soundtracks of all time. It’s like Waiting To Exhale but for 25-year-olds who put whiskey in a Nalgene bottle and say monogamy is a last resort for ugly people.
SPOILERS (but mild ones, you can read on if you don’t mind at all, the plot won’t be given away here)
9) There’s no way for one woman to get past that many police officers with guns. Why didn’t anyone just shoot her while she was slinging bean bags at everybody?
10) Any woman who has successfully defended herself against GROUPS OF VERY LARGE MEN REPEATEDLY can definitely do better in a fight against a 50 year old drunk lady cop than a particular scene would lead you to believe.
11) WHAT A PERFECT DEATH SCENE! I actually laughed out loud.
Score: 8.5 / 10
Hot Takes: Eurovision Song Contest – The Story of Fire Saga
1) Not a single cell in my body wants to watch a Will Ferrell movie that’s over two hours long. That man ain’t funny to me, so just take that into consideration as you read the rest of these thoughts.
2) “Volcano Man” is really what Icelandic music sounds like! The lyrics really do be all over the place like that.
3) Why couldn’t they have cast a 50 year old actress to play against Will? The characters are supposed to be the same age. I’m sure there are plenty of 50-year-old women who would’ve wanted that role. It’s not that important, but I’ll never not notice and be annoyed when the leading man is a decade older than his female love interest even when they’re supposed to be the same age!
4) Demi Lovato be hollering.
5) The big Eurovision Mashup in the middle felt like Pitch Perfect but not nearly as good, and that is a shame. And they were so serious about it too!
6) This movie is not funny. I think I laughed twice. If you know me, that’s not a surprise, but I don’t think most comedies are all that funny, but I was also half-drunk watching this movie and still didn’t laugh. If you can’t make me laugh full of vodka, what are we doing here?
7) I love Eurovision because it’s so over the top and ridiculous. I watch at least some parts of it every year, and even some of the individual countries’ qualifying competitions. The little performance parts were some of the best parts of the movie, but instead of just relying on the inherent camp of the chosen acts, they tried to up the comedic factor and make it more ridiculous. But it didn’t make it funnier — it just felt like they were making fun of the contest. Ion like det.
8) I guess if you like Will Ferrell you can watch it, because it’s very much a Will Ferrell movie. Otherwise, skip it. There are so many other things to watch on Netflix right now.
9) One song “Husavik” is expertly crafted. It’s written to pull tears and emotion out of you the way Adele songs are written and it definitely has shades of “Never Enough” from The Greatest Showman. Skip the movie and just give that a listen, but I wish there was a version without Will Ferrell’s voice. I would probably put it on my 2020 playlist if he didn’t pop up and take me out of it.
Actually, I just listened to it again. I’m so ridiculously annoyed that he ruined an excellent song. It’s almost unlistenable.
Hot Takes: The Hunt
I’m looking forward to Hilary Swank reclaiming her rightful place atop the list of Best Actresses of our Generation, even if that means stealing another Oscar from Annette Bening.
1) I saw this trailer when I saw Invisible Man and I thought it looked ridiculous, so obviously I wanted to see it. It’s beyond ridiculous. I haven’t seen a bigger shitshow in ages.
2) I’m looking forward to Hilary Swank reclaiming her rightful place atop the list of Best Actresses of our Generation, even if that means stealing another Oscar from Annette Bening.
3) Wax on wax off! Hilary Swank can still kick ass! I don’t think I’ve seen a longer fight scene since Kill Bill.
4) I don’t usually enjoy movies where I have no one to root for, but I was pretty invested in these morally bankrupt humans from beginning to end.
5) I also don’t usually enjoy movies where you have to draw your own conclusions, but the ending didn’t upset me.
6) This who’s who of actors you kind of recognize is pretty impressive. Anytime a new character came on the screen, we were like “oh hey isn’t that…you know…that guy from that show…you know the one…”
We rarely figured out who the person was, just that they looked familiar. Except the bully from Boy Meets World — I clocked him immediately.
7) I haven’t read any reviews, but the aggregate scores weren’t all that great so I’m assuming it wasn’t a critical darling, but I think it works pretty well as political satire. You could watch the movie through a lens of “The Right is bad and the Left is equally bad” which would understandably piss you off if you were a normal, decent human being, but I think that’s the wrong interpretation. I saw the movie not as a pronouncement on the beliefs of either side but moreso commentary on how terrible tribalism is and how it can blind extremists of either faction. I left with the sense that Liberals are still better than Conservatives, but Liberals with a blind allegiance to their set of beliefs can also do terrible things in the course of moral righteousness. Your feelings about the movie will probably depend on whether you agree with that premise or not.
8) The first 15/20 minutes are so exhilarating! Watch it in a group so you can yell together. It’s ridiculous in a very excellent way.
Reminder: All the big cats in Zootopia can get it.
Especially the fat gay cop who obviously has great snacks and cuddles the best.
Bus Zaddy might be taking public transportation but I know he has good credit and is just saving the planet. Husband material tbh.
Mayor Dickmedownpls probably never empties the dishwasher but I will still cornrow his hair tho. He prolly talks dirty and leaves a lil bruise.
Officer Thickums said fuck a sit-up, I only sweat on the way to a nut like a power bottom at Ptown bear week. And then we play video games.
Circuit gays who skip leg day are kind of a nightmare, but let’s be honest, I did grow up on Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher so…
Watch: JLo & Maluma “Pa’ Ti” and “Lonely”
Young white murderers are little boys. Young Black victims are grown men.
Young white murderers are little boys. Young Black victims are grown men.
Watch: Whitney Houston “Saving All My Love” (1986 Grammys)
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