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Mayor Pete’s Millennial Resume

Mayor Pete is essentially running for President the way a Millennial would apply for an office job: here are my real qualifications but how can I re-word and slightly exaggerate them on my resume to impress Human Resources?

America doesn’t have an HR department tho.

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How do you get a job in today’s climate? The first step is the resume. Not only do you tailor it to the job you want, but you might exaggerate a little here and there. Receptionist becomes Executive Assistant. Head Cashier becomes Assistant Manager. And knowing a smattering of words in a few languages becomes speaks eight languages.

In a country where a huge portion of the population is firmly against learning even the most basic phrases in Spanish because [MAGA accent] “we speak English in ‘Murrkka,” you wouldn’t think a boring white guy bragging about his linguistic talents would be an advantage to securing any political position, but it’s just the kind of thing that would impress someone without being threatening. He’s not a dreaded SPANISH-speaker trying to woo the Mexicans by offering them our excellent healthcare system and wondrous selection of minimum wage jobs. He’s MULTI-lingual, which means he’s super smart and he’s seen the world. He speaks NORWEGIAN, after all, so he’s gotta be pretty daggum intelligent, right?

Let’s be clear: I could not possibly care less about Norway or how many languages a potential candidate for President of the United States can speak. I don’t care if Pete can speak Norwegian. I care that he says out of the eight languages he allegedly speaks (not just knows a little bit of here and there, but speaks) Norwegian is one of his best. If this is his self-described best of anything I don’t need to see more. He’s mediocre, a liar, or both. Either his very best is unimpressive and rudimentary, and/or he lied about this being his best. Whatever your interpretation, it disqualifies him from being the nominee.

Mayor Pete is just a lump of nothing. Speaking eight languages is a weird kind of brag you use to impress Midwestern white people with your personal brand of intelligence they can neither relate to nor check up on. There’s no Norwegian population in South Bend to check him on that. There’s nobody there who speaks eight languages. It’s something he exaggerated early on in Indiana and he can’t walk back the lie now that he’s on the national stage, forced to impress a whole country.

It fits in with his pattern of behavior. Knowing some phrases in multiple languages became “speaks eight languages.” Having dinner at some Black restaurants in South Carolina became “partnered with local businesses.”

Pete Buttigieg is working hard to convince black voters that they should support him. To do this, he’s promoting his “Frederick Douglass Plan,” which he describes as “a comprehensive investment in the empowerment of Black America.” That’s from an op-ed that Buttigieg wrote last week for The State, a local newspaper based in Columbia, South Carolina, in which he writes: “That begins with entrepreneurship, and our campaign has proudly partnered with local businesses like Diane’s Kitchen in Chester, Atlantis Restaurant in Moncks Corner and the Fair Deal Grocery on Charleston’s Eastside.”

There’s one major problem with the strategy though: apparently those businesses are unaware that they’ve partnered with Buttigieg.

[Diane Cole of Diane’s Kitchen] ultimately told the campaign, “It sounds like you’re saying that I am your business partner. I’m only going to accept that you all stopped in while you were campaigning in South Carolina and I welcomed you all.”

The story was the same with Atlantis Restaurant. The Buttigieg campaign held an event at the restaurant in January, but owner Wendell Varner didn’t learn that the campaign claimed they were in a partnership until ABC News contacted him. Varner said, “It’s a little disheartening to say that—that they would say that we have a partnership with them when we don’t.” The Buttigieg campaign responded to that statement by insisting that Atlantis Restaurant said it was “proud to partner with Mayor Pete in January.” Varner then replied to ABC News again to stress that he was in no way partnered with Buttigieg, saying his relationship with the campaign went no further than “they paid us to have an event at our restaurant.”

(cont. GQ)

Mayor Pete is essentially running for President the way a Millennial would apply for an office job: here are my real qualifications but how can I re-word and slightly exaggerate them on my resume to impress Human Resources?

The problem for Pete is, America’s HR department is us, and we can spot the bullshit in real time thanks to the Internet.

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Sarah Palin’s death panels are finally here.

And they have nothing to do with Obamacare.

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Flattening the curve is the strategy we were told to implement to keep from overwhelming the healthcare system. I’m not sure when that messaging got lost, but the death rate in Italy was so high because they didn’t have the ability to treat all of the infections, not because the virus itself was so much more deadly. When covidiots respond to articles about the uptick in infections with statements about how low the death rate is, they are correct. The death rate is lower in these hotspots than we expected, because we have the ability to treat the sick.

What happens when there is no more space to treat them? The bodies start to pile up, and that’s the next uptick we’ll see, because hospitals have run out of beds and doctors have to make on the spot decisions about who receives care and who doesn’t.

You have ten people who will die if you don’t save them. How do you pick which three? Doctors are not equipped to do that and no one should have to pick and choose who dies because the government failed to protect the public. The government decided it was more important to put people back to work and the government has decided these are the talking points they’re going to arm their supporters and coronvirus deniers with:

  1. The number of infections is up because we’re doing more testing.
    The percentage of infections is up because more people are getting sick. If one in ten tests came back positive and now one in four come back positive, that has nothing to do with the number of tests you’re doing and everything to do with the rate of infection, which is sky rocketing.
  2. The death rate is low because it’s mostly young people getting sick.
    Don’t young people know old people who will then get sick? And what happens when those young people need medical care and there’s no space for them?
  3. Most people recover.
    Just because I’m going to recover from something doesn’t mean I want to get it in the first place. I can recover from a broken leg, but it really really hurts, so I avoid breaking my leg. Some people are sick for weeks. Some have lasting neurological deficits. Some people still can’t breathe well. And a lot of those people recover because there was space in the hospital.

Since we are running out of space, despite what any covidiot tells you, we have to decide who gets treatment and who doesn’t.

Enter, the death panels. Along with a further dumbing down of political discourse, Sarah Palin left us with the phrase “death panels” which she coined herself in a Facebook post back in 2009 where she railed against Obamacare.

The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society

(cont. Facebook)

The Right took it and ran with it. The Affordable Care Act was especially heinous because sick people would have to parade themselves in front of paper pushers who would decide whether they live or die. They would have to beg bureaucrats for the right to receive healthcare. Every time the Republicans try to repeal Obamacare, these death panels are mentioned again, panels that have never come to fruition.

Until now. If Sarah Palin defines a death panel as a group of people deciding how productive someone will be to society, then Arizona’s coronavirus scorecards are death panels. They grade people based on their general health and life expectancy. The sicker you are, the older you are, the higher your score, and the lower your priority on the care list.

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Flattening the curve would’ve prevented this. Arizona is a Republican state with a Republican governor and they have rolled out the dreaded death panels in response to a situation they created themselves. In the 11 years since Sarah Palin gave the GOP their main talking point against Obamacare, we haven’t seen a death panel of any sort. In the 4 months since COVID-19 hit our shores, we have a formal death panel in Arizona and instant death panel calculations going on in ICUs across the country as doctors grapple with the reality that they cannot treat every patient who needs life-saving measures.

But at least people can go to Applebee’s.

 

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A rapist will be elected. Now what?

You, me, all of us — we will elect Donald Trump or Joe Biden in November and they’ve both assaulted women, so let’s talk about that.

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I’m not here to discuss the validity of Tara Reade’s accusation against Joe Biden. Everything I’m about to say is based on the premise that you believe Biden assaulted Reade in 1993 and that you believe Trump assaulted his first ex-wife. Even if you didn’t believe either, it’s evident from our own eyes that they are both creepy old men who have issues with physical boundaries, personal space, and consent to being touched, but that’s a separate conversation.

I’m also not here to discuss any anti-Biden conspiracy theories about mainstream media covering up for Biden, or Times Up ignoring Reade out of an allegiance to Biden. By the same token, I’m not here to discuss any pro-Biden conspiracy theories about Reade being mentally unstable, a Russian agent, or a Bernie supporter looking to take down Biden. None of that is relevant to where I’m coming from which is…

You, me, all of us — we will elect Donald Trump or Joe Biden in November and they’ve both assaulted women, so let’s talk about that.

If you’re a Trump supporter (you shouldn’t even be here but), you’re going to elect a rapist. If you’re a Biden supporter, you’re going to elect a rapist. If you are abstaining because you refuse to vote for a rapist, you are going to elect Donald Trump — a rapist. A third party vote or lack of a vote isn’t a “vote for Trump,” but it’s a vote that didn’t go to the only person who can kick Trump out of the White House. We can go back and forth all day about your individual morality and how you feel about physically casting a vote for a rapist, but we’re not going to get anywhere.

I just want to understand what you want to happen.

I already know what you don’t want. You don’t want Biden to be President, and that is your reason for refusing to give him your vote. That part I am clear on, but actions have consequences, and nothing happens in a vacuum. First, let’s come to an agreement about what the consequences are.

Some Abstainers (that’s what we’re calling you now) say Trump will win no matter what. The voting machines won’t work, the polling stations will be closed and no one can vote, the votes will be lost, the votes will be miscounted, the GOP won’t accept the results if the votes don’t go Trump’s way, etc. Valid concerns. Not completely unfounded. But by no means a certainty. All of those things will probably happen, but that doesn’t mean Trump wins. All of those things can happen with an outcome where Biden does take office if there are enough votes and enough support to overwhelm the shenanigans of the other side.

If you are 100% certain that the GOP will steal this election from Biden, but you were not 100% certain the GOP would steal it from Bernie, you’re lying to yourself in this emotional moment because your disappointment over Bernie dropping out is forcing you to justify not voting at all. If your vote is not helping the rest of us to overwhelm the dirty tricks planned by Trump and his party, then you are contributing to his win.

So, back to my question: What do you want to happen? I’m not asking about what you’re resigning yourself to see happen, which seems to be a Trump victory. I’m asking what do you actually want. Who do you want in the White House between Trump and Biden? Saying neither is a cop out, because you are answering from a place of “Bernie should be President,” not from a reality where that’s not possible.

If your answer is Trump, be honest about why. If you really think Trump is a better President than Biden would be, you need to be able to answer for that opinion when someone asks. Tell them you think Trump is smarter, that he’s a better diplomat, that he champions better policies, that the team he has around him is more qualified and more equipped than the team Biden will build. If that’s how you feel, own that.

If your answer is Trump because you think the country will be more likely to accept a progressive savior if we spiral further into chaos and corruption, own that. You need to be able to tell poor people, marginalized people, and immigrants that you want their lives to get worse so that the country may potentially do an extreme course correction into a fundamental shift in the way the American government works. Tell gay people you want their marriages dissolved. Tell women you want them to be forced to have babies. Tell Muslims you want them to be fired or kicked out of their housing. Be honest about wanting to see those things happen in order to give a better opportunity for a revolution to really take hold.

Those are the only two options. Either you think Trump is a better option or you think he’s such an awful option the American public will be begging for a radical savior in 2024. If both of those options are terrible, then your vote has to go to Joe Biden.

Electing Trump is electing a lot of things. You’re electing two more Supreme Court judges. You’re electing A LOT of federal judges who will continue to reshape the legislative system across the country for a generation. You’re electing four more years where the GOP can further erode the democratic processes that already make it hard to elect liberals. You’re electing stress. Will he botch another response to a natural disaster? Will he trade more allies for dictators? Will World War III start because of a tweet?

Electing Joe Biden is electing a new education secretary, a new health secretary, a new PRESS secretary that we can trust. You’re electing a Supreme Court that won’t repeal Roe v Wade and federal judges who don’t think corporations are people. You’re electing normalcy for the millions of people who are just exhausted and you’re electing a cabinet that can support, guide, advise, and carry the burden of running the country for a man who is the wrong person for the job.

I’m so frustrated that I live in a country where people voted for Joe Biden. Placing blame at “the Democratic Party” or “the Party Elites” sounds good, but it’s inaccurate. More people voted for Joe Biden. There was no conspiracy. No superdelegates. No rigging. No backdoor deals. It’s April, and Bernie Sanders dropped out of a race he was losing due to having less voters show up for him because he wanted y’all to have as much time as possible to get used to the idea that Joe Biden has to become President over Donald Trump.

“The same party who said Donald Trump is a rapist wants me to vote for Joe Biden who is also a rapist.”

Yes. There’s no easy way to dance around that. Yes. And it makes me sick. A diverse field of highly qualified candidates has come down to a handsy old man with dementia who has been failing at running for President for 30 years. I am SICK of this ridiculous country and its endless variety of ill-informed voters making all of us suffer.

“We’re no better than them if we replace one rapist with another!”

I don’t need to be better than them. There are no points and no scorecard and no prizes. I don’t need bragging rights. The moral weight of voting for a rapist who will improve lives for millions of people is lighter than the moral weight of voting for a rapist who will make life more difficult for millions of people.

“What about rape victims? What are you telling them?”

I, a rape survivor, see a rapist in the White House. He’s been there since November 2016. I hate that this country elected him. I hate that Democratic voters across the country have chosen another rapist to succeed him. I would love to be able to clear the incredibly low bar of “did he rape anybody?” before we install a new leader but we didn’t. I can get stabbed in the shoulder or I can get stabbed in the eye. The guy offering a hug has left the room, so which knife hurts less.

Look. It’s April. We have to vote in November. There are a lot of weeks between now and then where emotions can subside and cooler heads can prevail. Hopefully some of you Abstainers will see the error of your ways and pick the lesser of two evils, but between now and then, we don’t really need to do this over and over. It won’t change the options presented to us and it won’t make the situation more palatable. If we work together we can find the next candidate and make sure THIS is the worst election we EVER have to experience, but four years is a long time. Be prepared to support the vision of however you’ve decided the next four years should look.

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Hillary and Bloomberg are not running together….or are they?!

They’re not Obama and Uncle Joe, but they do have public chemistry and you can imagine the two of them working side by side for the next four years.

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Mike Bloomberg could team up with Hillary Clinton to try to take down President Trump in November — by making her his running mate.

Bloomberg’s internal polling found the combo “would be a formidable force,” sources close to the campaign told the Drudge Report Saturday.

Bloomberg’s communications director did not deny the rumored matchmaking effort.

“We are focused on the primary and the debate, not VP speculation,” Jason Schechter said in a statement.

But minutes after Drudge broke the news, Bloomberg himself posted a coy message about working with female colleagues.

“I would not be where I am today without the talented women around me,” he tweeted. “I’ve depended on their leadership, their advice and their contributions.”

(cont. NY Post)

Before I start, let me just be clear: the only reason I “care” about this at all is because so many of y’all were so antsy to get off a hot take to the internet as quickly as possible with digs about Hillary Clinton. We not just finna drag that old woman every time a baseless rumor pops up because she ain’t did nothing to y’all but try to save us from THIS current shitstorm we’re wading through okay? But let me just go on ahead and let y’all in on all sides of this non-story so you can draw your own conclusions.

Exhibit A: Bloomberg and Hillary like each other.

They were just out and about in December with a group of rich white folks celebrating somebody’s birthday in New York. She was a NY Senator when he was the Mayor of NYC. They’ve run in the same circles for at least 20 years now.

They’re not Obama and Uncle Joe, but they do have public chemistry and you can imagine the two of them working side by side for the next four years.

Put a Plus One in the column for They’re Running Together.

Exhibit B: Bloomberg would need a Progressive.

Remember how Hillary beat Sanders for the nomination and four years later we still have a lot of progressive folks in the party reminding us every chance they get that she stole the nomination from Sanders, that Sanders would have beat Trump, that centrism wasn’t the way to go, etc. Can you imagine the fallout if Michael Billionaire Racist Bloomberg was the conservative “liberal” who beat Sanders this time? And then had the nerve to pick the woman who beat Sanders the last time? Bloomberg is a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them.

Put a Plus One in the column for They’re Absolutely Not Running Together.

Exhibit C: Speaking of racism…

Superpredators vs. Throw them up against the wall. These are two very old white people with very inflammatory statements about Black folks in the public record. Hillary’s superpredator comments were downplayed during her run, but I promise you if she linked up with Bloomberg, both of their comments together would be magnified ten times over.

Another Plus One for Not Running Together.

Exhibit D: Trump might actually implode if they were on the same ticket.

Tom Steyer is a billionaire who can get under Trump’s skin. Elizabeth Warren is a wordsmith unafraid of confrontation who can get under Trump’s skin. Michael Bloomberg is a billionaire wordsmith unafraid of confrontation who comes with an added layer of belonging to the same social circles as Donald Trump. He can annoy that man like no other because Bloomberg is what Trump wishes he was — an actual billionaire businessman accepted by New York City’s Elite, not a bumbling buffoon being laughed at by the same people he’s been trying to impress since the 1980s.

For her part, Hillary has just run out of f*cks to give. She has been needling that man for the past two years and he loses it every time. If the two of them together took on Trump, he might actually snatch his wig off and throw a tantrum on the White House lawn.

Plus One for Running Together.

Exhibit E: The 12th Amendment

A lot of people who say Clinton and Bloomberg can’t run together erroneously point to the 12th Amendment to support their conclusion, but most people understand this part incorrectly:

The Electors shall meet in their respective states, and vote by ballot for President and Vice-President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves

They’re both from New York so I’ve seen people say they can’t run together because of this, but that’s not what it means. The electors from New York can’t vote for both of them, but the electors from every other state can. This was set up to prevent electors from trying to install “two favorite sons” from their own state in the White House. If they were from a smaller state they may consider running anyway, but because New York has a lot of electors, obviously Bloomberg and Clinton wouldn’t forfeit all those votes by running together as two people from New York. Even though the reasoning is off, the conclusions are still correct in assuming the 12th Amendment would keep them off the same ticket.

But!

Hillary can change her residency before declaring. That’s what Dick Cheney did. He sold his house in Dallas and got a driver’s license from Wyoming where he had a vacation home so he could run with Dubbya and not forfeit all of Texas’s electoral votes. Hillary could essentially do the same thing so…

Put a One in both columns. It’s a wash.

Exhibit F: This is the most important point — Hillary Clinton is more ambitious than this.

There are a lot of things you can say about Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton but “someone who settles for less” is not one of them (and most of the other things I’ll probably ignore anyway because I drank the Kool Aid back in 2000 when she WOULD have run for President if her husband hadn’t screwed up the plan by sleeping with his intern, getting impeached, and making Hillary look like a fool in front of the whole country).

Hillary Clinton has been one or two steps from the Presidency multiple times. She was Secretary of State and her husband’s number one policy adviser. She would not take a demotion just to be less powerful than she’s been before. She would not jump into the lion’s den of criticism and not-so-thinly-veiled disdain for a thankless title. Hillary has been dragged by journalism for her hair, her face, her ankles, her attitude, the sound of her voice, and her audacity(!) since the 1980s. This is a woman who changed everything about her public image — including finally taking her husband’s last name, which she hadn’t originally — because the public made it very clear to her that she was not wanted the way she was and if she wanted the top job (her goal was always to be President) she would have to accept the beatings, make changes, and press forward.

She has pressed forward as far as she is going to press. She tried to turn the position of First Lady into a political post by putting forth healthcare legislation. It didn’t work, so she played the role the way America wanted it to be played to wait out her time and run for President once her husband was on his way out. It didn’t work, thanks to Bill, so she ran for Senate instead to use that as a springboard to the nomination. It didn’t work, because no one could’ve beat Obama, so she accepted a Secretary of State post in his administration to use that as a springboard to the White House. It didn’t work, because we elected Trump instead. The political trajectory has always been aim higher, do more, use this setback as a step UP to the next position. Hillary Clinton would never step DOWN to Vice President.

Plus One in the column for They’re Not Running. Plus Three in that column. Plus One Hundred in that column.

Hillary Clinton would never run for Vice President. Period.

Go drag somebody else for awhile and let that lady have her tweets and her soundbytes. She plays coy with the press because it gives her something to do. Your retired grandma is just as messy but without the national spotlight, so Nana Hillary is alright by me.

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