Last night after Drag Race (we really sat through THREE AND A HALF HOURS) Travis and I were thinking about the Snatch Game we just watched where this straight comedian (Jermaine Fowler) did Kevin Hart as Kevin Hart in drag trying to make amends for being terrible.
“That was unexpectedly good.”
“Is it top ten?”
“I think so?”
“Hmm…well let’s see…”
And then we ranked our favorite Snatch Games of all time because we are homosexuals stuck in the house.
- Katya as Bjork
Katya is a weirdo. So is Bjork. It was a match made in an absurd heaven where drag queens eat paper and make spit bubble sounds.
**This was not one of Travis’s top ten. He wanted Aquaria as Melania instead.
- Monet X Change as Maya Angelou
The bar for a good Maya Angelou was looooooooooow after Chi Chi bombed disastrously a few months earlier, but Monet’s grasp of Maya’s mannerisms, speech, and biography would have won us over anyway.
**This was not one of my top ten. Travis picked her over Aquaria, to make space for me to put Katya at number 10.
- Alaska as Mae West
Mae West is iconic, but you have to be smart to make the lines work to make sure you put the lines in the right place. Alaska’s timing was impeccable and her accent was spot on too.
- Kennedy Davenport as Little Richard
I low-key would’ve put Ms. Davenport higher because I laughed SO HARD the entire time, but Travis reminded me the impression was really one note. Still, it was a huge risk that I did not have high hopes for, and she really pulled it off.
- Jermaine Folwer as Kevina Hart
This is the reason we made this list in the first place, because we thought Jermaine would be a flop. He entered the work room like a straight man who actually didn’t know what he signed up for, like his agent just said “oh hey, go on this show.” But that comedian put in one of the all time great snatch games! Fully committed, every joke landed, layers to the performance, and he looked good in makeup! A pleasant surprise from a mess of an episode.
- Ginger Minj as Adele
Ginger Minj didn’t do an impression of Adele (she’s a very lovely, smart woman) so much as a loose adaptation of Adele grounded in fact and made comedically out of touch. Hilarious and impressive.
- Srimala as Sophia La
This requires some explanation because Srimala lost this Snatch Game and was actually in the bottom two that week (because her runways are weak). The second season of Drag Race Thailand is one of our top five seasons across the board, including All Stars. Srimala wasn’t a stand out for us most of the season, but as the weeks passed by, her charm became more and more evident. We don’t speak Thai and we’re not familiar with Thai culture, so there are MANY times we disagree with the judges and we chalk it up to not knowing what the judges are looking for or not being familiar enough with the culture to understand what our fave of the week did wrong. That said, almost everybody reading this is an English-speaking American, and from that standpoint, this is one of the best Snatch Games of all time because she was SO GOOD we laughed at every joke without knowing any of the context, just based on her acting and interaction with the rest of the panel. If you can find it, watch it!
- Ben de la Creme as Maggie Smith
Because of copyright reasons, the queens can’t just be the Dowager Countess or The Nanny — they have to be Maggie Smith or Fran Drescher and then base their impersonation on the character they’re going for. I thought this was going to be a disaster, or at least a Little Edie/Jinx situation where the jokes would be too specific to be funny to the general audience (more on that later), but I was wrong. Ben is one of the smartest queens to walk across the stage. She hit every question out of the park and made the most of her opportunities to hit back at her competitors.
- Gigi Goode as Maria the Robot
I know Sophia (I assume she had to be “Maria” for copyright reasons as well) so I thought the impression was spot on. Travis does not know Sophia, but thought Gigi was hilarious. If you can equally impress people familiar and unfamiliar with your character, you’ve hit a home run. I think those of us familiar with Sophia were more impressed simply because Gigi really understood how creepily aggressive Sophia comes off. It was probably the riskiest choice any queen as made, and it really paid off.
- The Vivienne as Donald Trump
She chose a man.
She chose a politician.
And she chose a difficult accent to do well.
Viv does a better Trump than EVERY Trump impersonator (SNL please hire her and let Alec go) and she’s so quick! Every line landed and I just wanted more. There’s a reason why she got a spin-off based on a Snatch Game impersonation.
Honorable Mention: Jinx as Little Edie
Listen. People really went up for this on Twitter, and I just don’t care. Yes she won, yes it was a good impression, but I thought the jokes were too specific. She was smart to play into a reference Ru would know, but as a regular person who doesn’t care or know about those shut ins, I honestly did not laugh one time. It’s easy to be the best when everybody else is terrible (Alyssa’s Katy, Lineysha’s Celia, Coco’s Janet — flop flop flop). The difference between Jinx doing Little Edie and Ben doing The Dowager is…Ben is just funnier and had better jokes.
Chad Michaels was great as Cher, but it wasn’t memorable.
Pearl was great as Big Ang, probably the best “safe” performance in the bunch.
Bianca Del Rio was fine, but it was really just Bianca in a short wig yelling at everybody — not a stretch.
Baga Chips was funny as Margaret Thatcher, but The Vivienne carried her.
I thought Jackie Cox did a pretty good Lisa Rinna, but Travis doesn’t watch RHOBH and it was clear that the jokes fell really flat if you had no frame of reference for the character.
Season 11 really was such a weak season. The winner and runner up were in the bottom two the week of the Snatch Game? Unforgivable.
And no one should ever do Beyonce ever again. Leave that lady ALONE!
Hot Takes: The Last Dance
This is an excellent work of television production even if you don’t care about basketball.
1) I don’t know how you can be a child of the 90s and not have some memories of the Chicago Bulls, but I grew up in a sports household and basketball was very much a thing. (I actually got my very first college scholarships from the Charlotte Hornets when I was in 7th and 8th grade for winning two essay contests.) I love basketball, so I’m interested to see what a casual fan or non-fan thinks of this documentary. I THOUGHT IT WAS RIVETING!!!!
2) I didn’t know any of these details. I did not know the Bulls general manager was a Napoleanic shitgibbon. I did not Michael Jordan failed to make his varsity basketball team the first go round. I did not know Scottie Pippen was SO UNDERPAID!! I did not know some deranged fans poisoned MJ during the NBA finals.
3) The footage is so good. Apparently, Jordan and the Bulls agreed to let cameras follow them around for the 97-98 season under the condition that the footage would only be used if Jordan approved it. He finally did and it’s such a time capsule. Michael Jordan was literally the most famous person on the planet for a few years.
4) It has to be said — some of these men are aging like a fine wine. Isaiah Thomas (who I didn’t know everybody hated!) is STUNNING. Horace Grant can still get it. BJ Armstrong is the cutest lil BB and I just wanna scoop him up!
5) Why is Justin Timberlake here?
6) Why isn’t Oprah here? They got Obama. If you’re gonna do Chicago, it’s Michael Jordan, Barack Obama, and Oprah Winfrey!
7) Michael Jordan was a much better baseball player than I remember. I don’t like baseball, so I wasn’t paying attention to that, but I thought the general consensus was that it was ridiculous and he had no business trying to play baseball, but he actually would’ve made it to the major leagues if there hadn’t been a strike.
8) Oh! Also! Michael Jordan’s children are ridiculously attractive! I was not aware of that.
9) The Kobe episode hits hard and kind of comes out of nowhere. Steel yourself.
10) I love the way this documentary sets up two different timelines and jumps back and forth. This isn’t the kind of documentary that you can listen to like a podcast — you actually have to sit and watch or you’ll forget what year you’re in. I don’t always love that, but it keeps you really invested, which is necessary since you already know the outcome. You already know the Bulls are gonna win six championships.
11) Also love watching the players react to the interviews of other players. The way Michael Jordan still hates Isaiah Thomas 25 years later? Excellent editing.
12) This country is nasty to its heroes. We built up Michael Jordan for ten years only to manufacture a controversy to tear him down. Obviously it didn’t work, but watching the media of the time try to dig for something that isn’t there against the backdrop of the worst period of his life is actually a little enraging. I actually came out of this liking MJ less than when I started, but they really put him through some mess.
13) I forgot Dennis Rodman and Madonna dated. I forgot Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra dated.
14) I think this has replaced Cheer as my favorite sports documentary of all time and I think it’s just an excellent work of television production even if you don’t care about basketball.
Hot Takes: Lenox Hill
Off the top of my head, I can’t think of a more engaging reality TV series and I hope they get a second season.
1) Lenox Hill is a hospital on the Upper East Side that has a freestanding emergency clinic in Greenwich Village. A lot of people don’t know those are the same hospital organization, so I just wanted to put that out there.
1a) Beyonce reportedly rented out the 4th floor of the hospital to give birth to Blue Ivy.
2) I’ve watched Grey’s Anatomy for the past 37 years, and I care just as much about these doctors (if not more!) in just 10 episodes. This is excellent storytelling!
3) I had no idea the staff at Lenox Hill was so diverse. Two women of color basically run neuro research. The chief OB resident and her advisor are both Black women. The Black neuro guy is fine and I wonder if he’s married.
4) Amanda, the OB resident they cast, and her husband are ridiculously cute and I would watch a reality show with just the two of them. Her whole family is cute. At one point she talks about her privilege because she had two parents who could put her through medical school and I was like, “See? It’s so easy to admit that if you just own it. Why is it so hard for some people to admit that?”
5) There’s a Trump-supporting family from Tennessee. The white man actually has multi-colored dreadlocks and painted toenails. I wanted to throw a brick through my TV. I put that there without a spoiler because it’s the only part of the show that bothered me.
6) I’m not gonna say too much about it because it’s just great TV. If you like 1 hour medical dramas, you’ll like it. If you like “day in the life” reality shows, you’ll like it. If you like watching nice people help (mostly) nice people, you’ll like it. Off the top of my head, I can’t think of a more engaging reality TV series and I hope they get a second season.
7) The Chair and Vice Chair of neuro are the definition of hot rich daddy and I’m in love.
The story behind Hottie and that microwaved chicken.
Why did a grown woman with a college degree think it was OK to microwave a chicken?
Question: Should I — as a pro-Black person fighting for the betterment of my people — be talking about Flavor of Love in this, the good year of our Lord twenty-twenty?
Ha! Yes I should! That was a moment and we got ten good years of terrible dating/reality/competition shows just because a few women decided to debase themselves for a gremlin with 87 children. I could really sit here all day talking about my favorite moments, from Pumpkin spitting at New York to Deelishis singing that lil white Latina girl under the table to Saaphyri starting a chapstick line from a 15 second fight to that random girl who pooped on the stairs on national television.
But Schatar “Hottie” Sapphira and this damn chicken has remained one of the most inexplicable things I have ever seen on TV.
I didn’t watch Rock of Love, so I don’t know who Lacey Sculls is, but she has a podcast where she gossips with some of the other girls from her show and others from the VH1 “…of Love” universe. She had Hottie on there and we finally got the scoop on why a grown woman with college degrees thought it was okay to microwave a chicken.
14 years later we finally get the story about hottie microwaving the chicken. iconic pic.twitter.com/PljSBSV8lt— winston (@waterslide) June 30, 2020
Do I buy that she was a vegetarian so she didn’t know how to cook chicken? I think so! Listen, I can cook better than the average person, but this time in lockdown has had me experimenting and trying new things. I can cook what I know how to cook, but there are so many things I would embarrass myself with if I had to do it spur of the moment in front of people.
Plus, I’m a 30-year-old Black person from the South and I *still* don’t fry chicken because I burn it or undercook it more often than not and that grease do be popping. It’s not worth it.
Either way, we finally have Hottie’s explanation of the situation and one of reality TV’s great mysteries can be put to rest. So the next time you think about raw chicken, you can think about Pumpkin’s brief foray into softcore porn instead.
Watch: JLo & Maluma “Pa’ Ti” and “Lonely”
Young white murderers are little boys. Young Black victims are grown men.
Young white murderers are little boys. Young Black victims are grown men.
Watch: Whitney Houston “Saving All My Love” (1986 Grammys)
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