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The 10 Best Snatch Games from Drag Race.

We ranked our favorite Snatch Games of all time because we are homosexuals stuck in the house.

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Last night after Drag Race (we really sat through THREE AND A HALF HOURS) Travis and I were thinking about the Snatch Game we just watched where this straight comedian (Jermaine Fowler) did Kevin Hart as Kevin Hart in drag trying to make amends for being terrible.

“That was unexpectedly good.”
“Is it top ten?”
“I think so?”
“Who’s better?”
“Hmm…well let’s see…”

And then we ranked our favorite Snatch Games of all time because we are homosexuals stuck in the house.

  1. Katya as Bjork

Katya is a weirdo. So is Bjork. It was a match made in an absurd heaven where drag queens eat paper and make spit bubble sounds.

**This was not one of Travis’s top ten. He wanted Aquaria as Melania instead.

  1. Monet X Change as Maya Angelou

The bar for a good Maya Angelou was looooooooooow after Chi Chi bombed disastrously a few months earlier, but Monet’s grasp of Maya’s mannerisms, speech, and biography would have won us over anyway.

**This was not one of my top ten. Travis picked her over Aquaria, to make space for me to put Katya at number 10.

  1. Alaska as Mae West

Mae West is iconic, but you have to be smart to make the lines work to make sure you put the lines in the right place. Alaska’s timing was impeccable and her accent was spot on too.

  1. Kennedy Davenport as Little Richard

I low-key would’ve put Ms. Davenport higher because I laughed SO HARD the entire time, but Travis reminded me the impression was really one note. Still, it was a huge risk that I did not have high hopes for, and she really pulled it off.

  1. Jermaine Folwer as Kevina Hart

This is the reason we made this list in the first place, because we thought Jermaine would be a flop. He entered the work room like a straight man who actually didn’t know what he signed up for, like his agent just said “oh hey, go on this show.” But that comedian put in one of the all time great snatch games! Fully committed, every joke landed, layers to the performance, and he looked good in makeup! A pleasant surprise from a mess of an episode.

  1. Ginger Minj as Adele

Ginger Minj didn’t do an impression of Adele (she’s a very lovely, smart woman) so much as a loose adaptation of Adele grounded in fact and made comedically out of touch. Hilarious and impressive.

  1. Srimala as Sophia La

This requires some explanation because Srimala lost this Snatch Game and was actually in the bottom two that week (because her runways are weak). The second season of Drag Race Thailand is one of our top five seasons across the board, including All Stars. Srimala wasn’t a stand out for us most of the season, but as the weeks passed by, her charm became more and more evident. We don’t speak Thai and we’re not familiar with Thai culture, so there are MANY times we disagree with the judges and we chalk it up to not knowing what the judges are looking for or not being familiar enough with the culture to understand what our fave of the week did wrong. That said, almost everybody reading this is an English-speaking American, and from that standpoint, this is one of the best Snatch Games of all time because she was SO GOOD we laughed at every joke without knowing any of the context, just based on her acting and interaction with the rest of the panel. If you can find it, watch it!

  1. Ben de la Creme as Maggie Smith

Because of copyright reasons, the queens can’t just be the Dowager Countess or The Nanny — they have to be Maggie Smith or Fran Drescher and then base their impersonation on the character they’re going for. I thought this was going to be a disaster, or at least a Little Edie/Jinx situation where the jokes would be too specific to be funny to the general audience (more on that later), but I was wrong. Ben is one of the smartest queens to walk across the stage. She hit every question out of the park and made the most of her opportunities to hit back at her competitors.

  1. Gigi Goode as Maria the Robot

I know Sophia (I assume she had to be “Maria” for copyright reasons as well) so I thought the impression was spot on. Travis does not know Sophia, but thought Gigi was hilarious. If you can equally impress people familiar and unfamiliar with your character, you’ve hit a home run. I think those of us familiar with Sophia were more impressed simply because Gigi really understood how creepily aggressive Sophia comes off. It was probably the riskiest choice any queen as made, and it really paid off.

  1. The Vivienne as Donald Trump

She chose a man.
She chose a politician.
And she chose a difficult accent to do well.

Viv does a better Trump than EVERY Trump impersonator (SNL please hire her and let Alec go) and she’s so quick! Every line landed and I just wanted more. There’s a reason why she got a spin-off based on a Snatch Game impersonation.

Honorable Mention: Jinx as Little Edie

Listen. People really went up for this on Twitter, and I just don’t care. Yes she won, yes it was a good impression, but I thought the jokes were too specific. She was smart to play into a reference Ru would know, but as a regular person who doesn’t care or know about those shut ins, I honestly did not laugh one time. It’s easy to be the best when everybody else is terrible (Alyssa’s Katy, Lineysha’s Celia, Coco’s Janet — flop flop flop). The difference between Jinx doing Little Edie and Ben doing The Dowager is…Ben is just funnier and had better jokes.

Other thoughts:

Chad Michaels was great as Cher, but it wasn’t memorable.

Pearl was great as Big Ang, probably the best “safe” performance in the bunch.

Bianca Del Rio was fine, but it was really just Bianca in a short wig yelling at everybody — not a stretch.

Baga Chips was funny as Margaret Thatcher, but The Vivienne carried her.

I thought Jackie Cox did a pretty good Lisa Rinna, but Travis doesn’t watch RHOBH and it was clear that the jokes fell really flat if you had no frame of reference for the character.

Season 11 really was such a weak season. The winner and runner up were in the bottom two the week of the Snatch Game? Unforgivable.

And no one should ever do Beyonce ever again. Leave that lady ALONE!

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On Television

The Real Housewives of New Jersey trailer is out.

Will this be the first Housewives franchise to actually produce a successful COVID Season?

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Let’s just suspend belief for a moment and pretend half this cast isn’t Trump Trash because it’s 2021 and if I wanna be a hypocrite and watch rich white Republican ladies on television that’s what I’m gonna do. The new trailer for season 11 is here and y’all. I’m sold! Will this be the first Housewives franchise to actually produce a successful COVID Season?

New Jersey has had highs and lows but I am genuinely excited for this new season so let’s just run it down real quick in order of Cast Importance (To Me):

6) Jackie

I like Jackie, so she’s not bottom of the barrel because she’s awful, but she’s still relatively new and I don’t know exactly what she’s bringing to this new season other than tears and (more?) lip fillers. Are we to believe that her husband is hooking up behind her back at the gym? I don’t believe it for one second, but I do believe someone like Teresa might hear that rumor somewhere and then bring it to the show because she hates Jackie. And Teresa is by far the dumbest Housewife ever cast on any franchise. She can barely tell the difference between a rock and a potato, so I know she’s not smart enough to separate fact from fiction.

5) Margaret

What ingredients does Marge bring to the New Jersey casserole without Danielle as her arch nemesis? I’m intrigued by this fight in the trailer where she’s yelling at her husband, but I can’t imagine what actual sin would be committed by Marge’s Joe (not to be confused with Teresa’s Ex Joe, or Melissa’s Joe — dear god can we get some new names on The Joe Show?). From what I can tell, and admittedly I do not pay super close attention to anything in New Jersey, Joe seems to be the Holy Trinity of Boring Husbands — no personality, no job, and no sneaking around behind Marge’s back — so I’m almost positive that scene is just a blip in the context of the rest of the season.

4) Dolores

New Jersey’s Favorite Undercover Mulattress is back because Teresa has to have a ride or die in the cast or the show won’t work. Thankfully, that means her ex-husband Frank is back, who I love and adore and would let [censored for family audiences]. Dolores has recently been pretending she has value to the cast outside of Teresa, so I’m mildly interested to find out why she’s throwing everybody out of her house. However, I’m still more interested in her Ancestry Dot Com results than anything else because that lady has a Black grandparent I swear to god.

3) Melissa

Speaking of Househusbands I would let [censored again stop judging me], my favorite Meatball Guido is as juiced up as ever, and if I wasn’t so concerned about my health and well-being, I would run headfirst into that sexy ball of roid rage. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it forever until Andy listens to me, Joe Gorga is the best Real Housewife who’s never been given a contract, closely followed by Marlo and Sutton. Props to Melissa for being just interesting enough to stay on the screen and build enough notoriety for herself to be slightly independent, but if she wasn’t married to Joe, she would’ve been on for two-seasons at best. Joe would still film because Teresa is his sister, and that drama is what made New Jersey great to me back in the day. Family drama always has a lil more seasoning than drama manufactured by rich white women loosely connected through social circles and a television contract. Joe Gorga is as much of a crook as Joe Giudice and I’m ready to watch that play out with the two wheels spinning in Teresa’s empty head before one falls off the axle and rattles around while she tries to find a coherent argument. Also, does it need to be said that I am very much here for Frank kissing Joe’s ass? [The next five sentences are censored, but may appear on Nifty Dot Com] Joe, if you get sent to prison and Melissa leaves you, I’m available for conjugal visits.

2) Teresa

Teresa is an idiot, but the show doesn’t work without her. No cast is as tied to one cast member as New Jersey is tied to Teresa. They stopped production for a whole year because they couldn’t film without her while she was in jail. That is the only reason she’s number two for me. Thankfully, Teresa is single and ready to mingle. She’s rich, she’s toned, and she’s pushed her hairline back over the years, so the men she is bringing around to mingle with are a welcome distraction from her limited grasp of the English language. I’m still voting for the poolboy with diamond cutters for nipples, but literally anybody is a step up from the Koopa Troopa she was previously married to.

1) Jennifer

Oh Jennifer. What an iconic Housewife very much in danger of flaming out too soon. Mrs. Aydin is flying very close to the sun, but Jennifer is what happens when a fan gets cast and fulfills the assignment correctly as opposed to whatever Drew and Latoya are doing in Atlanta. Jennifer is juuuusssst delusional enough to blow a fight out of proportion, but not so out of touch that she’s hard to watch. She’s an instigator with a touching family storyline, a fresh new face, and an even fresher drinking problem…that may damage her new mug because mama was face down on the concrete! What’s the story?! I need to know where this booze spiral is coming from! We already know her husband can’t hold his liquor, so do we have two slushbags stumbling around that big ugly mansion (that they bought just for the show because they thought their old house was too small and that’s why she couldn’t get cast initially)?

Anyway, I think this season of New Jersey will surprise us. The girls are looking goodt and the boys are looking messy and the stories are looking dramatic and only slightly manufactured so I’m here for it. Bring on the Jersey trash. I love judging people.

 

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What are you watching that’s so much better than Real Housewives?

Let me just give you a quick rundown of some of the current happenings across the franchises.

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I was having a conversation with this guy while I was watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and he said he’d never seen it before.

That’s fine. There are a ton of things that I’ve never seen before because there’s just so much content out there. We find the things that speak to us.

He said he’d been at the circus when some NY Housewives were there and I jokingly said I want to be friends with one of them so I can become a big TV star.

He goes, “I would need more substance than they project on TV.”

My roommate loves anime. I do not. He watches a lot of anime. I do not. Does it speak to me as a genre? No, not really. Am I dismissive of it when someone else likes it?  No, because that’s what they like. Can I find some entertainment value in it? Yeah, I can. There are a couple of his favorites that he’s had me watch and, while I wouldn’t sit down and choose to watch them alone, I enjoy them and I’m interested to see what happens next in the story.

My minor point here is, don’t yuck someone’s yum. If someone is telling you they like something, maybe you should err on the side of “Oh that’s not for me” as opposed to “That’s not worthy of my attention.”

And to piggyback: what are you watching exactly that’s so much better than the Real Housewives? Let me just give you a quick rundown of some of the current happenings across the franchises.

Orange County is Republican Trash, but let’s talk about it.

Those of us who live in liberal bubbles really can’t understand how the pandemic unfolded in Conservative areas, but there it is on Bravo. One of them is married to a Fox News reporter, says it’s just a flu, and refuses to wear a real mask while two of the cast members are laid up in the house with COVID and a husband is in the hospital. There’s a functioning alcoholic getting sober while coming to terms with her sexuality after 20 years of marriage and 7 kids; she’s now realizing she’s a lesbian. There’s a battered wife trying to decide whether to put her ex in jail because of what he did or let it go so their kids won’t miss their father. The new wife grew up in a religious cult where she was was beaten half to death and afraid she would be thrown under a bridge. You’re watching Meredith Grey die for the third time on ABC.

Salt Lake City is giving us a front seat to the usual dysfunction of rich ladies forced to interact with each other, but also a peek behind the Mormon curtain.

Quickly: name any other show on television giving you a crash course in Mormonism. The Church of Latter Day Saints is the fourth-largest Christian denomination in the country and I’ll bet the average person can’t tell you anything about it other than polygamy (no longer accurate) and Utah (it’s pretty much still a Mormon state). This cast has Mormons with lineage back to the founding of the church, a Jewish woman who converted to Mormonism, a Mormon woman converting to Islam, a Mormon woman who was kicked out of the church, and a Black Pentecostal prosperity preacher (a grifter for White Jesus). You’re watching an alcoholic Kaley Cuoco on HBO solve a murder mystery.

New York City is the only show on television where women over 50 (and Ramona is over 60) have the space to live full, sexual lives and not apologize for it.

Temptation Island has nothing on a night out with these women at Beautique. How do you even prevent hangovers after 30? I don’t know, but I’m trying to learn their ways. And they’re navigating real life as older women. What do you do as the poor (stay at home) ex-wife of a rich family when your husband runs off with your friend and you have to keep up a house and your kid in boarding school? How do you restart your life at 60 when you discover your husband in your home with another woman? And she’s gone from the show, but I have to remind everyone that the federal government did nothing for Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria for months — Bethenny Frankel was the only one down there helping the residents and handing out supplies. What are you watching that’s so much more compelling? A redhead with wideset eyes playing chess for 8 hours?

Potomac, aka The Sisterhood of the Travelling Vanessa Williamses, is fascinating television, with a full roster of heroes, villains, and every shade in between.

A stay-at-home mom using her newfound notoriety to launch a business after saving her husband from the brink of bankruptcy. High school sweethearts remarrying after infidelity and financial ruin. First generation Nigerian-Americans reaching the pinnacle of educational achievement and setting examples for their children and the community. A new mom wrestling with (and avoiding the seriousness of) her sugar daddy’s repeated sexual harassments of men. A former First Lady of the Church rekindling a relationship with the pastor who cheated on her, is still cheating on her, and who her children do not like. And two women with volatile personalities coming to blows over rumors of infidelity, paternity, and betrayal. You’re watching a show that packed more than that into a season? I would love to see it. If it’s not Veneno, it’s not better than Potomac, I promise you.

And Atlanta.

Listen. You can say what you want about Nene or the lack of Nene, but The Real Housewives of Atlanta will always be compelling television. Beautiful, successful, engaging, intelligent, BLACK women on my screen will always be compelling television. Also, other than the Love & Hip-Hop franchises, where else are Black women so open and casual about their bisexual experiences? Have we seen Black women go through the fertility struggle and surrogacy process? Have we seen Black women (from the South no less!) treading the thin line between respecting your toxic mother and respecting your husband? Have we been able to ignore the Black people who acted like selfish assholes during the pandemic, throwing (potentially) superspreader events because white people were the ones who went viral for it? When we see Black women dealing with an emotionally abusive husband and navigating that relationship for the sake of her child, doesn’t Tyler Perry always write in a man to save her? And Porsha Luther King Williams. Nobody else on television got arrested multiple times this summer putting their body on the line for Breonna Taylor and protesting against police brutality. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is not better than this just because Amy Sherman Palladino packs 20 pages worth of dialogue into 5 pages worth of script.

The Real Housewives isn’t a documentary. It isn’t reality TV the way The Real World was reality TV 30 years ago. It’s “reality” TV. It’s a heightened reality. It’s a stylized presentation of real life. It’s real life that has been manipulated for entertainment value. Would you normally throw a glass of wine at someone? Probably not — you’d walk away. Would you have the same argument with someone you don’t like for weeks? Probably not — you’d stop hanging out with them. It’s a manufactured experience engineered to capture authentic reactions to slightly manipulated real life situations because it makes for better TV. But Ashley’s husband gropes men. Ramona’s husband cheated on her. Shannon’s kids do have COVID. Braunwyn is a lesbian. Karen is starting a business. Whitney got kicked out of the church. Mary is married to her grandfather. And Porsha did get arrested.

What are you watching that’s so much better?

 

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SNL’s jokeswap took a well-deserved shot at Scarlett Johanssen.

Colin Jost read his wife live on air and I screamed.

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I don’t typically watch Saturday Night Live. I check the cold open leading up to an election because the debate spoofs can be funny, but it’s not really my genre of television. I don’t have a sense of humor. And sketch comedy gives me malaria.

However! Kristen Wiig is funny and, as a male human who has sex with other male humans, I’m contractually obligated by The Guild to consume all media featuring Dua Lipa, so I watched last night’s episode.

1) Dua Lipa is just doing what none of the other pop girls are and we continue to stan.

2) Bowen Yang is now President of Homosexuals. No other candidates will be considered. Observe:

3) Colin Jost read his wife live on air and I screamed.

Colin and Michael Che do a joke swap for Christmas where they each write jokes for the other to read without them knowing what the joke will say. They’re always offensive, and usually funny. Both things were still true, but the last joke about Scarlett Johansson, famed trans man woman of color oak tree quadriplegic actress, was a bold move that we appreciate very much.

Do I care about ScarJo? No. Would I like to be a fly on the wall to see her reaction to the joke?

 

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